Golfstinks' Top Posts (thus far) of 2010

Can you believe half of 2010 is already gone? Man time flies! Anyway, twice a year, we here at Golfstinks like to recap some of our most popular blog posts of the previous six months. Being that tomorrow is July 1, it's time for our mid-year review!

Below are the top 10 posts from the first half of this year, ranked by page hits. If you're new to the Golfstinks blog, perusing through these will give you a good idea of what we're all about; And for those of you who already crack a sly smile whenever you hear the phrase "golf stinks"...enjoy reading them all over again!

Here we go...

#10: Ten Sure-Fire Signs You're In for a Long Afternoon on the Golf Course - Stinky Golfer Greg points out observations that should make you think twice about teeing off that day!






#9: The Lazy Person's Ideal Golf Course - Stinky Golfer Pete envisions a technically advanced golf cart that will take golf into the future while driving humanity into the past!




#8: Open Letter/Pitch to the Golf Channel - Stinky Golfer Chris offers the Golf Channel a new show idea to help add some flare to their mundane programming.




#7: Did Someone Say Golf is Supposed to be Fun? - Stinky Golfer Chris reflects back on some of his more memorable golf moments.






#6: Variations on the Game of Golf: Disc Golf - As part of his ongoing series on golf spinoffs, Stinky Golfer Chris examines the unique and popular idea of playing golf with a Frisbee.




#5: Can I Get A Ruling? - This is one of the more bizarre things we've heard of happening on the course...and Stinky Golfer Pete was there to witness it!








#4: The Most Versatile Athlete of All Time was...A Golfer? - Stinky Golfer Chris highlights the extraordinary life of Babe Didrikson Zaharias.








#3: Would You Play A Brown Golf Course? - Stinky Golfer Greg explores the practice of overseeding; why it's declining; and why it's OK to play on a course that's not necessarily green.








#2: The Economics of Golf - In this eye-opening breakdown of golf's contribution to the U.S. economy, Stinky Golfer Greg examines a study that shows how and where the golf industry makes its money...and you may be surprised!





#1: Is USGA Membership Worth It? - After years of trashing his annual membership form, Stinky Golfer Greg explains why 2010 may be the year he finally joins the USGA!

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Custom Fitting Golf Clubs: Worth It?

I'm approaching a very special time in the career of a golfer, and I want to share it with everyone. It wouldn't be fair to keep such a joyous occasion to myself. I need to tell everyone about the next step in my golfing life.

You see, I'm finally putting down my off-the-shelf clubs (the same set I've been playing with since I took up the game), and getting myself fitted for a new set!

Once again, I have my wife to thank. For the umpteenth time, via the benefits of her place of employment, she has come through with something to benefit me. You see, I've mentioned previously that she works for a company that manages or owns several golf courses throughout the state. So I'll be headed to their top course to meet up with the pro who will promptly measure me up! It's a combination Fathers Day/Birthday gift...and a damn good one at that!

Now, as excited as I am for this, I also have no idea what to expect or what to look for. I'm sure the pro is going to help me understand those things, but it's still a funny feeling. So I have a few questions with which some of you in the golf blogosphere may be able to help me out?

1. What exactly am I looking for? What I mean by this is, how do I want to feel with these clubs in hand? Should I feel like I'm holding something as light as a feather or something of significant mass? Should I feel like I'm holding anything at all or should I feel as if it's simply an extension of my arms?

2. In my club shopping, swinging and testing-out of clubs, I've become a bit partial to a brand or two. But what happens if I've tried out a few and decide on one, but once it's custom fit to my specs, I no longer like the feel of it? Is there a possibility of that happening? One would have to think so. It's like if I was to test-drive a new car, decide I like it, and have something on it customized. Then, once I get it out on the road, it feels different due to the customization and I don't like it as much. Has anyone ever heard of this happening or experienced it for themselves?

3. Is it worth it to do this at all? I mean, I'm getting a relatively large break on the cost of all of this, but it's still not going to be cheap. Is a nice set of custom-fit clubs that much better than a nice set of off-the-shelf clubs? Especially considering I'm a stinky golfer? It's something to think about.

Keep in mind, if not for my wife's connection, this is something I likely would never do. I honestly never really cared about getting custom-fit clubs. As a matter of fact, I find it quite humorous that so many people who are not professional players, and never will be, spend the money to do this. So for a player of my caliber...I find it to be absolutely absurd!

I suppose I don't understand it because I don't take the game as seriously as many others do. Now don't take that statement the wrong way. I very much enjoy playing the game. I also very much enjoy playing softball every Tuesday night, but I'm not about to go spend several hundred dollars on a custom bat, or have a custom glove tailored to my hand! So why do it for golf?

Well, the answer is, I wouldn't. But I have the chance to do it now for less than what I was planning on paying for a nice set of off-the-shelf clubs. So that puts me in a different position. I would almost be foolish to NOT do this, right?

So next weekend holds the big day. Provided I can find a bit of free time, I'll be in the pro shop, likely asking these same questions. If anyone can give me any insight before going in, it would be very much appreciated!

Afterward, give me some time with the new clubs and give me a chance to see how much difference they make and if they are, in fact, worth it. I'm sure I'll then follow up with my verdict.

Related Posts:
The Process Of My Custom Club Fitting
Judging My Custom-Fit Clubs

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Softball is Killing My Golf Swing...and I'm Cool With It

My softball team stinks. Seriously, we have just one win on the year compared to 8 losses. Last night, we had our proverbial asses handed to us 22 - 0 by the third-place team in our league. Twenty-two to nothing! How do you not score a run in softball? Mercifully, we were mercy-ruled in the fifth inning.

In the fourth, the other team scored 11 runs (which made it 22 - 0). The second-to-last batter up that inning actually tried to get out on purpose! He lazily swung at the 0-1 offering and tapped it back to our pitcher...who promptly let it slip through his legs.

During that fourth inning, I stood there at shortstop, vaguely aware of the train of players running past me to third and then to home. I was zoning out; my mind elsewhere as a Keystone-Cop routine was unfolding among my teammates around me. While they were chasing, booting and dropping softballs all over the field, I was two days in the future; in the middle of a fairway staring-down a 130-yard approach to a small green and well-positioned pin.

It was a happy daydream...until I took my swing. For some reason, I was using a baseball grip and I lined the ball into the left woods. No doubt it would have been a sharp single in the game I was actually playing, but in my golf dream-sequence, it was OB and a two-stroke penalty.

Now don't get me wrong, I like softball. But I couldn't help thinking in that moment; is it worth ruining my golf swing over? I was asked to join this softball team mid-season last year and only played 6 games with them (they were terrible then too). I played baseball as a kid, but stopped after Babe Ruth league so I could join my high school golf team. When I got older, I always avoided playing softball in fear of it screwing up my golf swing (though Stinky Golfer Chris has played softball for years and doesn't really complain about it messing with his swing).

Anyway, I threw caution to the wind and decided to play a full softball season this year. After all, I hadn't noticed much of a change on the links at the end of last season, but this year my golf game has really slipped (my average is down about 4 or 5 strokes). I can't help but wonder if it's all due to my softball swing? I've searched online for an answer and the majority of people say the two swings can have adverse effects on each other (coincidentally, serious softball and baseball players worry that golf will damage their baseball swings).

Here's the thing though; I'm not sure I care anymore! Sure I want to play better golf, but let's face it; I'm not qualifying for any tours in the near future. I've spent most of my adult life playing one sport; never letting myself indulge in any other sport in fear I may compromise my golf game in some way, shape or form. Well, not anymore. I think I'm just going to have to deal with losing a few strokes off my golf game - or, if it really matters to me, start going to the range more so I can curb the effects from my baseball swing.

I love golf, but we've all heard the saying "act your age." That being said, I think it's time I started acting like the average hack that I am - which means not taking my flubs and duffs too seriously and for goodness sake, not worring about losing my golf "touch" on the softball diamond (even if my team is the Bad News Bears reincarnated).

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The Lazy Person's Ideal Golf Course

Do you find yourself taking the elevator instead of the stairs even though the building is two floors? Will you watch something on TV you don't want to just because you're on the La-Z-Boy and the remote is out of reach?

As America gets lazier (so says medical and health officials) and technology improves, I figured I would present a few ideas that would make a lazy golfer's round more accommodating by combining technology with laziness.

1. Concierge - What other amenity adds class and lets you be carefree than a concierge? You call them, tell them you want to play at whatever time and voila, easy as that. They make sure every thing is ready when you come, such as...

2. Curbside Check-In - part of the concierge's duties is to have an attendant ready with a golf cart at your spot in the parking lot. Who the heck wants to walk to the club house anymore? How can you avoid going into the clubhouse to check-in and pay? Technology, my friend, something along the lines of this...

3. Golf Cart 2.0 - You've parked and there waits for you a technologically advanced cart with GPS and a touchscreen display on a secured wireless network. From this display you can pay for the round and it's a digital scorecard to boot. It would be silly if that's all this thing did...glad you asked. Here's what else:

• Order food or beverages from the touchsreen display and have the MOFOBETE deliver it to wherever you are. Thanks GPS!


• Want a cigar or sun tan lotion? No worries, just like the food and drinks, order it on your wireless touchscreen display and within minutes the delivery hits your cart. GPS, you're the best!
  
  
• Left a club, club head cover or your weed stash behind? Fear not! Punch that in to GC 2.0's computer and out come the hounds. Soon enough a Go-Fer will show up with your belongings. Unless some greasy scumbag behind you scoops your goods. GPS...you got the picture.
  
  
• And yes, this will also give you distances to the green and what not. Hey, maybe even the pro's tip for that hole.

We could go into further detail but that would require more work (hence making me a hypocrite seeing that this is about being lazy). Not for nothing but I think I'm on to something here. It's kind of funny though, working so hard to design something to be so lazy...

Hit'em long, yell Fore!

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Do Starters Hate You? Golf and Being Late

I'm not going to lie to you; I try to arrive at the course with as little time to spare before my tee-time as possible. I have to admit, this approach has gotten me into trouble in the past.

To make matters worse, I play different courses all the time, so I'm never quite sure how the course employees are going to react. I once arrived 10 minutes before my time and was grilled by the pro-shop attendant that I should be waiting on the tee 10 minutes before my time instead of just walking in to pay my greens fees!

There's also been numerous times when I've called the pro-shop from the road to let them know I was going to miss my time. In most cases, the courses accommodate my belated arrival by letting a few groups go ahead of me. But other times I'm not so fortunate - forced to wait (at least on one occasion) for more than three hours till the morning times had all gone off.

Stinky Golfer Chris (a self-proclaimed king of tardiness) makes me look like an early bird. Many times Chris will come strolling down the cart path to the first tee (much to the chagrin of the annoyed starter) just as the group ahead of us is about to hit their second shots in the fairway. I think I'll start bringing extra cash to pay for Chris so he can bypass the pro-shop altogether (don't worry, I'll make sure he pays me back; unless of course, he wins the Nassau bet).

This all being said, I rarely have time to putt on the practice green (much less hit balls on the range). Sometimes my greens fees include a bucket of range balls. On these rare occasions, I'll try and get to the course with enough time to take advantage of this freebee - but I probably shouldn't even bother; it never seems to help me anyway.

The putting green evokes similar apathy. If I show up with more than 10 or 15 minutes to spare, I will reluctantly pull out a few balls, extract my putter from my bag and wander over to it unwillingly. I'm apathetic because I know this will inevitably screw up my putting (after playing for over 20 years, my putting stoke mostly works from memory - any tinkering usually results in only short-lived success).

Anyway, I've been around the game long enough to realize golf and being late don't mix. Yet, my foursome continues to push the patience of starters and pro-shop guys everywhere. Are we bastards? Probably. But for the most part, we arrive with enough leeway to tee-off at our assigned time (stress and anticipation of when Stinky Golfer Chris will arrive aside). Is that bad?

So let's have it - tell us when you arrive at the course:

When Do You Arrive at the Golf Course?

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What's Your Favorite Golf Experience with Dad?

With all the wisdom of being an adult, it's so easy to see what golf and Father�s Day have in common. Take a second and think back to the days when you were little; Remember the times you spent with your father? Did you feel a closeness to him? Did he engage you with that fatherly camaraderie? I hope the answer is yes.

When I was young, dad introduced me to the game of golf in style: I got my own 30-year-old clubs with a 50-year-old bag that smelled like moth balls, exhaust and mildew (fairly typically, no)?

I would proudly pack my ancient tools in his trunk and he'd drive us to the local golf range. We'd split a bucket of balls and I would make a game out of it; seeing how many I could hit in a row, or how far I could hit them. I would run up to the ball and swing as hard as my little body could swing the club...only to see the ball bounce five feet in front of me! But that wouldn't faze me - with a smile on my face I would look up at him and say, "Hey dad, I hit the ball!" and his response was nothing but pride; "At 'a boy son."

When I got a little older, dad would help me with my swing, and teach me all the rules and etiquette. I remember one Father's Day in particular, when I asked dad to go golfing with me. It was a warm, sunny day - probably around 80 degrees with a slight breeze and (can you believe this?) no one on the course! When is there ever no one on the course? On a Sunday? On Father's Day no less???

Well, it truly was my father's day that day - he shot par; knocked in a shot from 50 yards; and sunk putts from 20 and 30 feet like he was a pro! Needless to say, he beat me by multiple strokes. After that, he took me out for food and ice cream. I may have been young, but I realized that day my dad was someone special - regardless of the fact he played so well. It's a realization that's never left me, and I'm glad golf was able help reveal it to me.

Happy Father's Day, and please share with us your favorite golf experience with dad.

- Tom Treloar, Co-founder: Golfstinks, LLC

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2 Days Left on our Caddyshack Blu-ray Giveaway on Facebook!

During the commercials of today's coverage of the US Open, hop over to Golfstinks' Facebook page and enter to win a free Blu-Ray DVD of Caddyshack!

All you have to do is put your favorite Caddyshack quote on our Facebook wall and you're automatically entered to win!

We're not just giving away 1 or 2 Blu-Ray DVD's - nor just 3 or 4 either. Nope, you have the chance to win one of 5 Caddyshack 30th anniversary Blu-Ray DVD's!

Enter to win HERE and enjoy the Open!

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U.S. Open...For Business?

O.K., normally I don't write much about what's going on with the pro tours, but after a quick look at the leader board for the U.S. Open, the top five names threw me off a bit. I double-checked and made sure it was the U.S. Open Leader Board, it was, and then it hit me - I know these results were only through the first round, but is this a sign of change?

Don't get me wrong, I know Tiger is very well capable of coming from behind (no pun intended) and winning. And Phil, man what's happening? Here's a quick look of the top five so far:

1. Shaun Micheel USA
2. Paul Casey ENG
3. Brendon de Jonge ZIM
4. Alex Cejka...who? GER
5. Ryo Ishikawa JAP

Does this look like a U.S Open leader board? Will the fave's make the cut? I'm really looking forward to seeing how this plays out. It's a little bit of change from all of this World Cup Soccer (no offense to soccer, I'm also a fan). Not to mention, I wonder how much of an impact either sporting event is having on each other (something tells me the football tourney is having more success - even here in the states)?

Anyway, maybe this U.S. Open will open the doors for some new names (God knows the tour could use them). I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who doesn't recognize some of the players in the lead, but is that good or bad for the PGA? Stinky Golfer Chris posted the other day that the tour is trying to woo more fans - will this no-name leaderboard help it, or will it send it reeling even father than it currently is?

Time will tell, but I for one am more interested than ever! Not-to-mention, they're out there on beautiful Pebble Beach playing golf...it doesn't get much better than that. F@#$in' beautiful!

Good luck no-names - I'm pulling for ya!

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Caddyshack turns 30! Enter to Win it on Blu-ray DVD!

I don't know about you and your foursome, but ours can't go a few holes without someone inevitably quoting something from Caddyshack. If a player is taking too long to hit: "Let's go, while we're young!" or "100 bucks you slice it into the woods!" Which, without fail, leads to: "Gambling is illegal at [insert name of course here] sir, and I never slice!"

Without a doubt, Caddyshack is one of the most quotable movies ever and when you're on the golf course, it's hard to resist bringing it up. On an important putt: "Oh Billy, Billy, Billy. This is a biggie..." Walking to the snack shack at the turn: "I'll have a Hamburger, no...a cheeseburger...[interrupted by another player]...You'll get nothing and like it!"

Heck, even off the course the quotes make their way into the conversation; Fiddling with my bow-tie along with the other groomsmen before a friend's wedding: "Mind if I tie you up with some of your ties, Ty?" At the reception during dinner: "Are you gonna eat your fat?" At the hotel vending machine the next morning: "I ain't payin' no 2 dollars for no Coke!...[another groomsmen looking on]...Oh, ooooh! Then you ain't get 'a no Coke!"

It's hard to believe Caddyshack is turning 30 this year - that's three decades of laughs and shenanigans on the course! So to kick-off the big birthday celebration, we here at Golfstinks are giving away 5 copies of the movie on Blu-ray DVD (see the 30th Anniversary site HERE)! The disc also includes the following special features: Caddyshack: The 19th Hole (37 min), a retrospective documentary featuring hilarious outtakes, rare footage and interviews with the stars, cast and creative team members recalling their on-set experiences; and the theatrical trailer.

Here's how to enter and win your copy:

Simply "Like" our Facebook page and then post your favorite Caddyshack quote on our wall (you may use the quotes above too)! We'll then select 5 random winners over the next 10 days to receive a free copy of Caddyshack on Blu-ray DVD! We'll post the winners on our Facebook page after the contest so you can contact us and collect your prize! You must be 18 or older to enter.

Good luck!

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The PGA Tour Decides To Get More Fan-Friendly. Gee...Thanks.

I checked out a Devil Ball post a few days ago regarding the PGA deciding to make some "fan-friendly" moves. While I believe that any sport making an attempt to become more fan-friendly is great, I can't help but to think to myself - "Yeah, we'll see."

Fact: No major sport is more out of touch with its fans than PGA golf. See that picture of Lefty? It's him and a handful of other guys (if even that many) who show any real appreciation for the fans that show up to the events. What is the PGA planning to do about that? What good is trying to get a few more big names to some smaller tournaments if they are just going to ignore the fans there also?

Few sports put the spectator closer to the competitors than golf. But there is so little fan interaction that it just doesn't matter. Is it really that hard to, at the very least, acknowledge the fans? Is it that hard to look at the fans and say "Thank you" after they're cheering on a nice shot? I mean, it's not an NBA game where you have to hurry back down the court to play defense! Acknowledge the fans! All you're doing is walking down the fairway anyway!

But it's not only the on-course actions of the players. It's also the lack of pre- and post-round interaction. What Jay Busbee wrote in that post is 100% on the money. Most of these guys hurry past the fans like they're carrying some rare, incurable disease! Don't these guys realize, if not for the fans, you don't have the chance to play for, or make, the kind of money you do? Yeah, you can thank Tiger all you want for that, but it's still the fans who show up to watch! You would think that once all of the Tiger controversies came to be, and the galleries were only a fraction of what they were, these guys would be a bit humbled. But no. Nothing changed.

In my opinion though, the Tiger mess is the point from which the PGA's revelation stems. And not for nothing, but also in my opinion, that's a slap in the face to the golf fan. Basically, the PGA is saying "Oh yeah, you fans...we didn't give a crap about you for the most part. But now that you're not showing up, we realize we need you. Sorry about that." It's like treating your spouse like crap. Then when they're about to walk out on you, you start trying to fix things by doing the things you should have been doing all along! Good luck with that.

The PGA put all of their eggs in the Tiger basket because of his popularity. The galleries were packed, purses were larger, the PGA was making money and the sports popularity seemed to be at an all-time high. They didn't have to do anything for the fans because they were already there! But then...disaster. Tiger is out and no one is paying attention any longer. Now what? They realize now they should treat the fans a little better? They understand now, without the fans, they don't have a sport? Excuse me, but that's crap.

We here at Golfstinks have mentioned many times in the past that the PGA just doesn't do enough for the fans, as well as its own players. And when Tiger disappeared for a while, that point was proven. I didn't know half the golfers I was seeing on TV. That's sad! When I can name more NASCAR drivers (a sport I despise) than PGA golfers (a sport I am a fan of, as well as participate in)...well...there's a problem.

So one of the PGA's solutions is to allow cell phones on the course? That's your answer?! I've been to exactly two PGA tournaments, and guess what? I took my cell phone to both!! Obviously I was courteous enough to turn the ringer off, but what are you really offering me? I'm bringing it anyway!

What I'm getting at here is, at least the PGA is making the attempt to do something. But it's not even close to enough. Yeah, putting a microphone on some of the players is a halfway decent idea, but something tells me that will get old pretty quickly. There's only so much they can have to say that I'm going to care about before it just becomes redundant and flat-out boring.

The PGA needs to take more drastic measures. Get the fans more involved. Make some autograph sessions or meet-and-greets a requirement after rounds. Encourage the players to toss a few balls into the crowds. Set-up some competitions just for fun. We've mentioned in the past a long-drive competition between some of the bigger hitters on tour. That's fun and fan-friendly! What's wrong? Some of the players don't want to participate in that stuff? Well...then tell them they are more than welcome to find a new line of work.

The PGA needs to make it a point to show the fans they are priority #1. The tour will go on with or without a particular golfer. But it will not go on if there's no one to watch. Like that spouse, if you don't show appreciation, then before you know it, they're gone. And let me tell you...allowing a cell phone in? If that's the best you can come up with, that's simply not going to cut it.

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Risk-Reward

We've all heard of this before, just ask Phil Mickelson. For those not too sure of the meaning, it derives from Wall Street. Investors risking potential losses (the risk) in order to gain higher returns (the reward). On the golf course this means challenging a hazard or taking a tough shot, and risk losing a stroke, to potentially gain a stroke. With that said, let me give you my twist on the ol' double "R".

Stinky Golfer Greg and myself recently went and played a quick nine at a local track. As we butchered our way through while donating balls, we joked about how you always hit your best shot into the foursome in front of you. It never fails. If you are 240 yards out and there is a foursome on the green, it is inevitable, you will hit a perfect 3 wood bomb right into their line as they putt. Hence, my take on risk-reward.

The Risk: Taking your shot knowing the foursome is within reach. You know damn well that if you wait for that foursome to finish or advance, you will flub the shot and everyone in your group will chime in with "It's a good thing you waited for them to clear out, Tiger!"

The Reward: Hitting the straightest and most beautiful golf shot...ever! Yeah, yeah I know, it's a crappy, non-golf etiquette, greasy, selfish move. But man, is it tempting especially if the foursome in front of you is slow.

You see, this is exactly what transpired...pretty much. We were on the ninth hole (par 5) and just teed off. My ball landed in the rough maybe 10-15 feet off the fairway. Their is a foursome on the green and I'm some ways away. I pull out my trusty 3 wood and examine the shot. I discusss with Greg that I probably won't make the green, but because there is a foursome there, the golf gods will give me the distance and accuracy I need.

So, I throw caution to the wind and proceed to hit, out of the rough, an ESPN Sportscenter, U.S. Open Highlight, Shot-Of-The-Day, golf shot. As soon as the ball was struck, I felt my stomach drop and everything turned slo-mo. FFFFFFFOOOOOORRRRRRREEEEE (but just like Ralphie in the movie a "Christmas Story", I was really thinking the F--- word)! The friggin' ball lands directly in front of the guy as he's putting...WTF!

Anyway, one of the guys starts yelling at us and waiving his arms in the air. I couldn't really make out what he was saying (he was about 240 yards away) but I returned a "Sorry!" I honestly attempted to find them in the clubhouse afterwards to apologize in person, but it seems they had already teed-off on the 10th hole. Coincidentally, Greg parked right alongside the 10th fairway and as he was putting his clubs in his trunk, his car alarm inadvertently went off - right in the middle of that same guy's back swing. We looked at each other: "Was that them?" Greg asked. "I think so." I replied. Needless to say, we felt it best to leave before causing any further shenanigans.

I definitely DO NOT recommend hitting into groups in front of you. Sometimes mistakes are made...on purpose...call me Lefty.

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Digging for Gold on the Golf Course

They're out there and you may even know one. The phrase "for the love of the game" means as much to them as a barber means to the Dalai Lama. They own golf clubs for one reason and one reason only: Networking at golf tournaments.

They're Tourney Golfers and the summer months on their calendars are spattered with local charity golf events: Shotguns, Best Balls, Scrambles - it doesn't mean a thing to them - as long as they get to mingle after the round while bellied-up to the raw bar.

They're not there to grip-it and rip-it, they're there to grip and grin; and market themselves or their product. Think I'm crazy? Let's look at one such person (for the sake of anonymity, we'll call him Tourney Golfer Bob).

Anyway, Bob and I (along with two others) are paired up at this golf tournament a few years ago. Throughout the front 9, Bob's yacking away about his law firm. It started out innocent enough: "Have you got any kids?" Me: "No, not yet." Bob: "We'll you know, my wife and I just revised our will to include our youngest." Me: "Oh?" Bob: "Yep. It's something to think about, you know - it happens to all of us." Me: "What does?" Bob: "Death."

Me: "PLUNK" (that was my next shot, smack-dab in the middle of a pond).

Around the 15th hole, Bob opened up his bag to fetch more tees and that's when I notice it. His bag pocket was stuffed with dozens of those little tee/marker/divot tool packs you receive on the first tee of most tournaments. Then I realized all his golf balls (he blew through his complimentary sleeve of three Pro V1's in as many holes) were ALL logo balls. My eyes darted to his golf towel: "12th Annual Volunteer Fireman's Scramble." Umbrella: I couldn't make it out completely, but it had the Marine Corps. logo and I could read the word "tournament."

Me: "So Bob, you were in the Marines?" Bob: "What's that?" Me: "The Marines. Your umbrella has the Marine Corps. logo." Bob: "Oh that! No. I won that in the raffle after I played in their local tournament last year."

Yep, I had the pleasure of being Bob's 6th playing partner that summer. Coincidentally, it was also Bob's sixth golf tournament that summer. By the time we were driving up to the 18th green, I had the whole story:

"Yeah, I never really played this game until I joined my present firm. One day I was talking to one of the partners who was telling me about this big client he just got. Turns out he met the guy at a golf tournament, so I figured; Hey, that's not a bad idea. Here it is three years later and nearly 30 percent of my clients stem in some way, shape or form from someone I met playing in a golf tournament!"

Bob's not alone. He knew of a few others that were doing the same thing. Suddenly, I was whisked back to California in 1849 - There's Golf in Them Thar Hills! Wait, I meant "Gold" - no, I guess I actually meant "Golf." Bob is a modern-day 49er - He recognized potential clientele and got out his pick, er, clubs and started digging.

At the raffle after the round, guess who won the box of balls with the course's logo on them? Last I saw Bob, he was slurping down a clam on the half shell while talking about product liability with the owner of a paint-ball complex.

God, I love this game...

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Did Someone Say Golf Is Supposed To Be Fun?

We all recognize the golf course as a place for camaraderie, competition and challenge. But many of us also recognize the course as a place for memorable, humorous moments, jokes and some good old-fashioned ball-busting. Be it a one-liner after a wicked slice, a tee tossed just in front of a lined-up putt or an emphatic "Good luck!" an instant before the strike of the ball on the opening drive. Yup, the golf course offers up many memories just waiting to be made.

Now you hardcore golfers, who have it in your head that you're on some kind of tour, probably just read the previous paragraph and cringed. "Talking during the swing? Well I never..." That's because you never played with me and you're not part of our regular golfing circle. I pulled that crap just a couple of weeks ago with our co-founder, Stinky Golfer Tom (who, for multiple reasons, we have nicknamed "Dog"). Did he get angry? Nope. Did it ruin his round? No...Dog's round was ruined the minute he showed up to the course. What was Dog's reaction? A smile and a playful shove on his way back to the cart. Just what I would expect from Dog, which is why I know I can mess around with him. And several holes later, when I wasn't expecting it...payback. He got me with the same damn thing.

My point is, I'm not interested in hearing about your chip-in from the trap or your 35-foot putt. Ho-hum...happens all the time. I'm not going to remember your story anyway. But what I will remember is the joke someone made while walking down the third fairway. The following are some of the more humorous moments I have so far experienced in my relatively short golf career. I hope you enjoy these as much as I did at the time.

"Lost Balls"
Stinky Golfer Greg and I were playing 18 with an older gentleman, whose name has since slipped my mind. I can honestly say I remember absolutely nothing about the round except one unintended joke. The three of us were walking together down one of the fairways when we noticed a few guys from an adjacent fairway looking for their drives. The older gentleman spots the balls lying in the rough to the right of our fairway and promptly shouts at the top of his lungs..."Hey, looks like you guys lost your balls over here!" Now that's not the funny part. The funny part is, the "lost your balls" line obviously sparked a joke in the immature minds of both Greg and I. But not two or three seconds after this guy shouts out his helpful directions, he realizes what he said. He then quietly mutters "Lost your balls...listen to me...I'd better keep my mouth shut!" The joke isn't that funny to begin with. But when you hear it from a 70+ year-old guy after he realized he shouted it out loud across a couple fairways...it was priceless.

"Your Husband"
The first time I ever heard this insult, I almost peed my pants. Stinky Golfer Dog and I were paired up with a couple of other guys who, more or less, played the game the same way we play it. We all stunk, but we were having a good time. The jokes and insults were flying throughout the round. But when one of the guys left an 8-10 foot putt about a foot-and-a-half short, the other looked at him and without hesitation said..."Nice putt, maybe next time your husband can play with us." Years later, the joke now seems old and completely sexist. But back when I first heard it, I laughed out loud, as did Dog and the butt of the joke, like a little school girl. Good stuff.

"Which club you usin' Pete?"
Stinky Golfers Dog, Greg, Pete and I, for the first and likely only time, managed to drop all of our drives in a relatively similar position. So we're discussing amongst ourselves which club we're going to hit on our approach. But none of us asked Pete what he was going to use. So, not wanting to leave him out of the discussion, I decided to ask him myself. Thing was, Pete was in the middle of his backswing when I asked "Which club you usin' Pete?" He bounced his shot about 50 yards down the fairway, but hey...at least it was straight!

Looked like a path to me...
Dog and I took a cart out at some course somewhere. Dog hit a great shot onto one of the greens, but I sliced mine off onto another fairway. He tells me he'll walk up to the green so I can take the cart over to my ball. But the fairway in which my ball was lying was down a hill. I could follow the cart path down and around and backtrack to my ball, but I didn't want to hold up the group behind us. So I looked for a shortcut. Sure enough a few feet down the cart path was (what looked to me anyway) like a path down the hill. So I took a right turn and headed down. Big mistake. I realized too late that this hill was much too steep to be taking a cart down. I hit the brakes, but they were useless. I bounced my way down this hill like a rolling boulder and have no idea how the cart didn't split in two. Despite my flailing limbs as I desperately tried to hang onto the steering wheel, I notice a few guys, obviously pissed off, yelling in my direction. I saw their lips moving, but due to the creaking and banging of my cart, I couldn't hear a thing they were saying. But an instant later, I was at the bottom of the hill. So I took a quick left, headed to my ball and hit as quickly as I could. Once back up top, Dog looks at me and says..."Those guys we're pissed!" Honestly, it was a hell of a ride, but one I never meant to take.

"Do you guys see it?"
Dog and I (You may notice Dog in a few of these stories which is not just a coincidence) were playing a course with a guy we got hooked up with. We're on one of the tees standing behind Dog as he readies for his drive. Dog hauls off and takes one of his usual mighty swings. Laughter ensues. Me and this other guy are cracking up because, well, we've never seen anything like it. Dog must have hit the top of the ball just right because it popped up about knee-high and fell straight back down, almost landing back on his tee. But what me and this other guy are really laughing about is Dog, having no idea what happened, is staring down the fairway, hand over his eyes, asking "Do you see the ball? What's so funny? Where is it?" I laughingly respond "Look down you idiot." 'Nuff said.

"Not gonna say Fore!"
One time out on the course, Stinky Golfer Pete informs us he is not going to yell "Fore!" to warn other golfers of his incoming projectiles. Instead, he's going to try something new. So sure enough, a few holes out...here it comes. Pete launches one in the general direction of another foursome. Now, just so everyone knows, there was no chance at all the group was in any danger. The ball was really nowhere near them. But Pete, playing it safe shouts out his "Fore!" alternative. With his left hand raised, index finger pointed at the sky, wide-eyed and smiling...Pete shouts out..."Attenzione!!!"...and again..."Attenzione!!!" This episode happened six or seven years ago...and it hasn't gotten old yet.

There are so many more...probably some much funnier than what I have mentioned here. But I can't seem to remember them all. And whatever comes to mind, I can save those for another time.

I suppose I should also mention that I hope everyone reading this understands we mean no disrespect to the game, the courses, the etiquette or the other players. We just like to keep things loose. We like to keep the moments light. We would never do any of these things or make any of these jokes at what would be considered an improper time. But if you can't add a bit of fun to your rounds, then you simply have the wrong idea out on the course.

I'm going to go out on a limb and say...if you're reading this, then you likely have no chance of ever becoming a PGA Tour pro. So relax, have fun and keep things light. The game is a hell of a lot more fun that way.

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Golf Genie is Genius

We here at Golfstinks don't typically review golf products - in fact, we tend to poke fun at all the crazy gadgets out there. So when we post a review of something, it's because we feel it can serve some use to the average weekend golf hack.

That being said, a few weeks ago I was contacted by someone over at Golf Genie who asked me if I would be interested in receiving their product - the Tee to Green Pocket Guide. Not being able to pass up something for free, I decided to see what this pocket golf guide had to offer.

First, let me tell you this is no zany golf gadget - it's a practical, quick reference guide to pulling-off all the different golf shots you may encounter out on the course.

A few years ago, I read a tip in a golf magazine that actually helped me (I think it may have been the only time that's happened)! Anyway, Nick Faldo recommended creating a tiny spreadsheet listing all your club distances (along with your half-swing distances). Then print it out, laminate it and keep in your golf bag. You have no idea how much that little paper has helped me decide which club to use while out on the course - it was the best thing I ever did to improve my game.

First section of Golf Genie? Same thing. It shows the average distance for each club for both men and women (perfect for beginners), but then gives you space to write in your own distances (once you get those down to a science). Golf Genie then proceeds to breakdown the grip, swing, shot-making, chipping, putting and even bunker play and advanced shots - all neatly and clearly explained while using graphics to enhance your understanding.

I pointed out in a post recently one of the major problems with reading swing tips in a magazine: How are you supposed to remember all the stuff you read once you're out on the golf course? Well, Golf Genie solves this problem by packing all the swing info you'll ever need into one pocket-sized guide - each section conveniently tabbed for easy reference. What I like though is they don't try and get too fancy on you - they just show you the basics - which are usually what you need when you're a beginner or have been struggling with a slice or hook (it sort of clears your head, you know? Gets you thinking straight again - back to the basics).

OK, I know this is starting to sound like an infomercial now, but Golf Genie has already shaved a few stokes off my last round - seriously. I corrected my grip mid-round based on a diagram in the guide and subsequently my shots straightened out over the last few holes.

Golf Genie has found permanent residence in my golf bag - had I not received my copy gratis, I would have gladly forked-over the $15 for it. Even more affordable is the app version, which is only $5 on the Apple app store.

So yeah, Golfstinks typically avoids telling people how they can improve their game. I mean, it's your game, who are we to audaciously think it needs improvement? But when something affordable, practical and truly helpful actually comes along, trust us...we'll let you know.

Related Posts:
The Genius Continues: Golf Genie Practice Drills

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Can I Get A Ruling?

Recently, I played nine holes at a local public course with a few friends. We weren't able to tee off until noon because of a tournament they had running that weekend. No problem, I know the men's or women's association get dibs on the course, tee times, tourney's etc... Now, what I don't get is; Do these associations trump a paying non-members rights when they are on the course playing?

Here's what went down. We are on the 8th hole and making our approach to the green. My ball is the only one to stay on and is about 15-20 feet from the pin. The others either roll onto the fringe or end up a few feet off in the rough. As were are heading to our balls these two guys pull up, one with a hole cutting tool and the other with the cup tool. They continue to make a new hole on the green and plug the other.

By this time we were within a few feet of them and puzzled. I've never seen this before...ever. Some guy just changed the hole location on us before we finished the hole. The good part is that he moved it closer to my ball but we had to ask. Their reply was that because of the weekend tournament the holes must be moved. We then ask why can't that be done early morning before the round...like every other course does it. One of the guys comes back with that he's a member of the men's association, this his job and he can't make it back early enough tomorrow.

We let that bit of foggy unclear bantor settle for a minute. Without stating the most obvious common sense response that you could of waited for us to finish, we let them be and continue our play. I'm still not sure if those two guys, members nonetheless, understood their lack of etiquette.

So, what would the ruling on that be?

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Working In The Golf Industry

My wife and I have both recently started new jobs. Starting a new job is always exciting, more so when both you and your spouse are doing so at the same time! A new company, new position, new responsibilities...there's much to look forward to especially considering we are both moving into industries completely foreign to both of us. One of us is taking a position in, for lack of a better way to explain it, the "relocation" business. The other in the golf industry. Any guesses which of us is taking which position?

Yup, you guessed it. My wife, who couldn't possibly be less interested in the sport, is now working in the golf industry. That's right, while I'm worried about coordinating delivery of furniture into an apartment complex, my wife, who is an accountant, is heading for work at the golf course management company she is now employed by. Am I jealous? Yes and no.

I'm not jealous of the actual job. Even though it is with a golf course management company, it's still accounting. My wife enjoys it, but to me it's just addition and subtraction all day. I can think of some other jobs I would rather do. So I'm not jealous of the job she has. However, I am very much jealous of one of her co-workers.

I don't know the guy and I have no idea what the position entails. All I know is, my wife was telling me a "today, at work" story that went something like this:

Blah blah blah...and...blah blah blah...and then...blah blah blah...when all of a sudden, the Director of Golf...blah blah blah.....

What?! Director of Golf?! Is that an actual position?! An actual job?! What does he do? Make sure people are golfing? Who cares what he does...how do I get that job? Where do I apply? I play golf...I can certainly direct it!!

OK, I'm sure there's more to the position than what I believe there to be. But I'm still jealous of the title.

Even though I don't have the position in the golf industry, that doesn't mean I don't somehow benefit from it. I've already been notified that I can play any of the eight or nine courses managed by the company at a discounted rate. That's great news enough...but it gets better! In order to make up some time for a day she'll need off later in the week, my wife went into work for a few hours on Memorial Day. Her boss being there also, rewarded her with some gift certificates to some of the golf courses! Since she doesn't play, guess where those rewards will be headed. That's right...directly into my golf bag!

So I'd like to take this moment to say thank you. Thank you to my wife for always being able to find the cool jobs. Thank you for always finding the jobs that somehow benefit me. I may never hold a position as cool as Director of Golf, but that doesn't mean my wife can't direct me to the golf course.

Thanks again honey!!

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