You Carry WHAT in your Golf Bag?

Several years ago, I was in the middle of hacking up a course with a few of my golfing buddies. We're standing on a secluded tee-box somewhere on the back nine, when one of my pals announces he'll be right back.

He walks over to his golf bag, unzips one of the pockets, reaches in and pulls out [I kid you not] a roll of toilet paper. A few seconds pass as the rest of us stand there with bewildered looks on our faces.

Finally, Stinky Golfer Chris breaks the silence and exclaims: "Dude, we're about to tee-off. We're not gonna wait for you to take a dump in the woods!"

"No, no. It won't take long," our golfing buddy assures us, as he begins to head into the underbrush. "It's only a courtesy wipe."

Only a courtesy wipe. As gross and ridiculous as that sounded, the rest of us knew what he meant and why he meant it. In fact, I'm pretty sure we all collectively thought the same thing: "Hmmm. A courtesy wipe. That's actually not a bad idea."

As I watched my friend trudge back out of the woods and grab his driver, I pondered (in addition to making a mental note to not shake his hand or high-five him after the round was over) was it really that crazy to carry a roll of toilet paper in your golf bag? And for that matter, what else should I be carrying in there that I currently am not?

Flash-forward to present day and I believe I now have a golf bag stocked with the essentials (the trick is to carry what you need without adding any significant weight): First, there's the obvious stuff: Balls (I usually carry a dozen - hey, you never know when you'll have a bad day), tees (20 or so), a stainless steel water bottle; sunscreen; an umbrella; and a wind breaker. Oh, and I also carry the rain hood that came with my bag. We all carry that stupid thing, don't we? I'm not sure why - It's not very practical to put on and take off and I rarely play in the rain (which now makes me wonder if I really need the umbrella).

Anyway, on to the not so obvious stuff: I carry a few band-aids (you never know when a callus will crack or a blister will form). A divot-repair tool (I have a neat one from Victorinox); Two cigars (and a lighter); An extra pencil; a couple extra soft spikes; and a never warn waterproof Srixon floppy hat (eh, I got it for free). I used to carry the rules of golf booklet too, but have since replaced that with the app version. Oh and get this - I carry a gag exploding golf ball...seriously - This thing bursts into a powdery cloud when struck. The same one has been in my bag for 10 years (I'm still waiting for the perfect time to pull the old ball switcheroo on someone).

So, that's what I'm packing (still no TP though). And actually, now that I've created this list, I remember I need to put some Tylenol or Advil in my bag too (crap...I'm getting old).

What's in your golf bag?

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You Beer-Drinking, Cigar-Smoking, Club-Throwing, Late-Arriving, Sorry Excuse for a Golfer!

From time to time, the Golf Stinks blog will attempt to take the pulse of our readers. We'll post about a golf-related topic and include a poll to get every one else's opinion.

Below, we'll examine the results of 6 different polls we conducted during 2010; and some of these findings may (or may not) surprise you!

In September, we reported on what nutritionists recommend eating during a round of golf. After reviewing what the experts said, we still wanted to know what ya'll were eating at the turn. While only 34 people took the poll, 44% of you said (in direct defiance of the nutritionists we should add) that hot dogs and beer are the way to go! Meanwhile, 17% said they ate some sort of energy/granola bar yet only 5% ate the recommended fruits and veggies. What may be even more surprising, 20% actually said they ate nothing at the turn. This just proves we play golf for fun more than anything else (and why we're overweight)!

In a post about how starters hate the Golfstinks foursome because we usually arrive for our tee-time with barely a minute to spare, we wanted to know when other people typically arrive at the course. Of the poll's 37 respondents, 72% arrive with enough time to take a few practice putts, while 37% have time to hit range balls to boot. Surprisingly however, 24% get there just in time to tee-off. So while in the minority, clearly we here at Golfstinks are not alone in making the starters sweat!

With all the fake grass mats and electronic ball returns out there, we decided to poke a little fun at the practice of indoor putting. After ranting a bit on the subject, we wanted to know your thoughts on playing putt-putt in your living room. Of the 51 respondents, only 17% said they do it to actually improve their putting. Instead, the most common answer (50%) was they putt indoors just to kill time! What's more, 13% said the practice was a complete waste of time! It should be noted that subsequent studies we've read do say putting indoors can produce a more consistent stroke, which can then lead to sinking more putts out on the links...of course, that's all predicated on the fact that your consistent stroke is a good one to begin with!

In July, Stinky Golfer Greg confessed that par 3 and executive courses didn't feel like "real" courses to him. Because he realized this was a rather pompous attitude, he asked our readers what they thought of these short tracks. Seventy people responded and the majority (38%) said par 3/executive courses are good for a quick round once in a while. Just 28% play them all the time, while 30% rarely play them - giving Stinky Golfer Greg the comfort of knowing he's not alone.

Smoking is a touchy subject these days. Everyone knows it's bad for you, but cigars and golfing go together like peanut butter and jelly. So when we learned about cities and towns attempting to ban smoking on public golf courses, enough alarm bells went off at Golfstinks headquarters to warrant a new post...and another poll! To date, 98 people have voiced their opinion about banning smoking on public golf courses, and an overwhelming majority (89%) said NO to the ban! Think town council meetings across the country would be swayed by this lowly Golf Stinks blog poll? Yeah, you're probably right.

Finally (and most recently), we posted about how someone's frequent club throwing can be annoying to others in the foursome. Since throwing clubs after a bad shot seems like a pretty common occurrence, we decided to ask y'all how often you through your sticks around on the links. Nearly 130 folks have taken the poll thus far and 41% of them say they would never throw a club in anger! Meanwhile, 34% say they rarely throw clubs. But, there are club throwers out there - 18% said they are occasional club tossers, while 4% said they fire their clubs around all the freaking time! Wow! Be careful out there!

I'm sure in 2011, we here at Golfstinks will offer-up more golf polls to voice your opinion on. Needless to say, we're looking forward to the results!

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Silly Golfers, Smoking is for Criminals

You may remember Michael Jordan was photographed smoking a cigar at the Presidents Cup during a practice round last October. The photo caused a bit of a stir because public smoking is banned in San Francisco - a law that extends to include the golf course they were playing on; Harding Park.

There was much hoopla in the media surrounding Jordan's law-breaking stogie (of which he was not asked to fork over the $100 fine). But not questioned by the media, and perhaps an obvious follow-up to the story is; Why are people in vast outdoor areas banned from smoking in the first place?

I just returned from a trip to New Mexico. Being rather dry, New Mexico is susceptible to brush fires. And in particularly dry seasons, I've had to do without a cigar on some its most gorgeous courses. I understand this completely and have no problem capitulating.

But over the last few years, some towns and counties have implemented no smoking bans on public courses due to health issues such as second-hand smoke. These places include San Francisco (as mentioned above) Glendale and Pasadena, CA; Hawaii County, HI; Bloomington, MN; Goshen, IN; Abilene, TX; and Arvada, CO.

An article in USA Today last year highlighted the Hawaiian law in particular was being largely ignored. Meanwhile, golfers in other towns were taken-back by the mere notion of banning smoking on the course - One golf pro in Pittsburgh thought it would be "ludicrous" and "overkill" and then posed the question: "How would you enforce it?" He has a point - rangers can't even handle the slow play problem.

Perhaps more interesting was Los Angeles County's recent ban on smoking (effective last September) at parks, beaches and golf courses (ironically, the ban does not extend to actors smoking when the script calls for it). Anyway, officials in LA cited health concerns for the ban, including that second-hand smoke leads to the deaths of 52,000 people annually. OK, I understand the second-hand smoke point when you're indoors, but the last time I checked, golf was played outside. The golf course isn't a crowded bar...if you don't want to get a whiff of your playing partner's Robusto, why are you standing downwind of him? What's next, no more campfires while camping? After all, campfire smoke contains acetaldehyde.

It seems recent smoking bans concur - There was some question whether the new ban in Michigan (which went into effect May 1, 2010) included players out on the golf course. However, review of the new law revealed the ban only "includes the clubhouses where food is served and areas around beverage and food carts on the course." So much for buying cigars from the MOFOBETE in The Great Lakes State.

But the reality is, laws are being passed that ban smoking in the great outdoors, and this includes some municipal golf courses. While the towns and counties don't seem to be enforcing said rules (including when a high-profile celeb like Michael Jordan is caught red-handed), the laws exist nonetheless, not-to-mention more are being proposed in other areas (including one in Spokane, WA last year which was defeated due to public outcry). I've previously posted about how golf and cigars seem inseparable. Was I wrong?

Take the poll and let us know...

Should More Towns Ban Smoking on Public Golf Courses?

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There's Something About Golf...

Imagine brilliantly clear blue sky on a warm afternoon in early spring. A gentle breeze carries the scent of new blossoms, while the songs of distant birds seem abstract from your concentration. The sounds of nature are disrupted briefly by the swoosh of a golf club, followed by what seems to be complete and utter silence...then, a splash.

Yep - I just plunked a 100-yard approach shot into the drink and I'm totally fine with it. Am I nuts? Probably. But I'm not alone. You see, people don't merely play golf; they experience it. Immersed in the sights, sounds and smells of the outdoors; the camaraderie among friends; and a dash of competitiveness - the game assimilates you among the many crazed addicts of this sport.

It's true. The economy has tanked; scores are unemployed; but the golf faithful are still out on the course. "Golfers are a different breed; we're basically a bunch of lunatics," says Golf Digest senior writer Steve Donahue. Through a promotion with Excalibur Cigars, I had a chance to speak with Steve recently and he thinks the game is doing "pretty well despite the down economy." It seems we golfers "find a way to happily fork-over our greens fees even if it means not being able to eat that day."

While I'm not sure I'd be willing to risk starvation to hit the links, Steve does have a point. My friend has been out of work (for months) and is still playing; I have a baby on the way (my first) and I'm still playing; the president is waging war (two of them) and he's still playing. In fact, everyone seems to be still playing golf! Steve recalls the most recent statistics he's viewed show the number of rounds played have only declined by 1 percent since the economic woes began - only 1 percent! That being said, what strikes me as the nuttiest fact is most of us aren't even good at this game!

In case you're wondering, 99 percent of golfers can't shoot anywhere near par...and that tells me one thing: We play this game because we love it. And in the 21st-centruy, golf is no longer just for rich men. Over the last 20 years, golf has exploded to include more than just the country club snob (the Judge Smails if you will). These days, golfers are teachers, executives, cashiers, doctors, car salesman and sanitation engineers. We're also mothers, fathers and grandparents.

According to Steve, "...the great thing about golf is you can rub elbows with folks from all walks of life." You'll get paired-up with a group of people you've never met before and "it seems like they've been your friend forever when you walk away after the round." This "bonding" starts on the first tee-box with the notion that "everybody else is just as nervous and insecure on the first tee as you are." That inevitably leads to good conversation during the round. Seriously, during the heat of competition in other sports, can you really tell a joke or talk politics?

This all points to why golf is a unique sport. You don't have to be good at it to love it. You also don't have to be young to play it. Think about that for a second; do you know many beer-league softball players over 60? Then there's the fact you can tee-off alone too. I mean, I can go out and have the whole course to myself - try that in tennis and you'll end up hitting a ball against a wall for two hours. Finally, there's the course itself. I'm of the opinion that no two courses are exactly alike. Sure, most of them have 18-holes, but they all have something unique to them - I've lost my ball in the ocean, in the desert, in the forest - even in a rock quarry...Yep, I've triple-bogied many of the coolest holes I've played and I'd do it all again.

Steve Donahue writes for one of the most popular golf publications in the world and Golf Digest spends a good amount of time covering the pro tours. But even Steve admits for the pros, it�s not about having fun: "Look at the PGA Tour players; they�re the greatest players in the world. How many of them look like they're having a good time? Not many of them." And that's the thing - while the rest of us would all like to get better, it's not just about being good - golf isn't our job, it's our passion. There's something about the way you can relax out on the course; something about spending time with good friends far removed from your everyday lives; something about being immersed in nature's entire splendor.

The reality is I'm not going to make the PGA Tour anytime soon (or the Hooters Tour for that matter). But that's OK. Just being on the course is reason enough to celebrate. So, give me a nice Honduran stogie on the first tee; a couple cold ones in the 19th-hole; and everything that happens in between really doesn't matter in the long run. Yep, there certainly is something about golf...

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Cigar Brand Partners with Golf Digest & Golfsmith

A while back, I posted about the relationship between golf and cigars. In the article, I attempted to reason why this love affair between bogies and stogies exists. But regardless of my insights, it seems the two are inseparable - and now that bond is about to be reinforced.

Renowned stogie manufacturer Excalibur Cigars is gearing up to launch a new website in partnership with Golf Digest and retailer Golfsmith. The site (ExcaliburGolfClub.com) is set to go live within the next week and feature special offers on new Excalibur Cigar packs - but there's a twist: Each cigar pack includes a bonus stogie, a special golf gift from Excalibur, plus a gift card to Golfsmith!

OK, I know what you're thinking; Why do the guys at Golfstinks care about this? Well, beside the fact that we love both golf and cigars, our content will be featured on the Excalibur website too. This is all courtesy of Golf Digest, who has agreed to provide exclusive content to the new Excalibur site and give a few popular golf bloggers (one of which is Golfstinks) a chance to interview a writer at the well-known golf publication.

That being said, keep an eye out for a post right here on this blog that will highlight our interview with Golf Digest senior writer Steve Donahue. We got a chance to ask Steve a plethora of questions regarding the current state of golf, its "rich man" undertones and why the pro tours aren't the only things that matter.

So stay tuned for both our article (featuring insights from Golf Digest) and the forthcoming ExcaliburGolfClub.com site (featuring great deals and freebee's for cigar-lovin' golfers)...

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Fore & Cheers! Do You Drink & Golf?

I've posted about drinking on the course before - mainly about the antics that ensue from the combination of a good buzz and a golf cart.

But drinking and golf go back long before the golf cart was invented. Think about that for a second - the Scots invented the game - what are the odds old Tom Morris kept a flask wedged between his mashie and spoon?

I know that many who belong to the Tennis Shoe Crowd strap a cooler of beer to the cart simply because they don't know what else to do on a golf course. But what about those of us that play more frequently?

Here's where I'm a bit confused. I like beer. I have a couple drafts in the 19th hole after nearly every round. But I never drink on the course. What makes this strange is that I'll smoke a nice Connecticut-wrapped, Honduran cigar on the course, but rarely do I puff a Churchill when I'm not on the links. What gives?

What's more, golf seems to encourage drinking. OK, I'm not saying golf will drive you to drink - I mean, it may...but what I'm saying is you play in a tournament and there's alcohol everywhere. There's beer before and after the round; the MOFOBETE has beer; and organizers may even bring in scantaly-clad ladies to set-up cocktail booths at different holes (those girls are trouble by the way - and no Honey, I never talk to them...I don't even look at them)...

Anyway, all this has me pondering why I don't drink on the course. And I guess my answer is this: I care too much about my game to impair it with alcohol - be it one beer or ten.

Wow. Sorry, I didnt realize how much that last statement makes me sound like a complete jackass. You see, I stink at golf. I don't even have an outside shot at winning a local tourney, let alone a professional one. But the truth is, I take golf too serioulsy to drink while playing it. Am I alone?

Take the poll and let me know...

Do You Drink While You Golf?

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