You Beer-Drinking, Cigar-Smoking, Club-Throwing, Late-Arriving, Sorry Excuse for a Golfer!

From time to time, the Golf Stinks blog will attempt to take the pulse of our readers. We'll post about a golf-related topic and include a poll to get every one else's opinion.

Below, we'll examine the results of 6 different polls we conducted during 2010; and some of these findings may (or may not) surprise you!

In September, we reported on what nutritionists recommend eating during a round of golf. After reviewing what the experts said, we still wanted to know what ya'll were eating at the turn. While only 34 people took the poll, 44% of you said (in direct defiance of the nutritionists we should add) that hot dogs and beer are the way to go! Meanwhile, 17% said they ate some sort of energy/granola bar yet only 5% ate the recommended fruits and veggies. What may be even more surprising, 20% actually said they ate nothing at the turn. This just proves we play golf for fun more than anything else (and why we're overweight)!

In a post about how starters hate the Golfstinks foursome because we usually arrive for our tee-time with barely a minute to spare, we wanted to know when other people typically arrive at the course. Of the poll's 37 respondents, 72% arrive with enough time to take a few practice putts, while 37% have time to hit range balls to boot. Surprisingly however, 24% get there just in time to tee-off. So while in the minority, clearly we here at Golfstinks are not alone in making the starters sweat!

With all the fake grass mats and electronic ball returns out there, we decided to poke a little fun at the practice of indoor putting. After ranting a bit on the subject, we wanted to know your thoughts on playing putt-putt in your living room. Of the 51 respondents, only 17% said they do it to actually improve their putting. Instead, the most common answer (50%) was they putt indoors just to kill time! What's more, 13% said the practice was a complete waste of time! It should be noted that subsequent studies we've read do say putting indoors can produce a more consistent stroke, which can then lead to sinking more putts out on the links...of course, that's all predicated on the fact that your consistent stroke is a good one to begin with!

In July, Stinky Golfer Greg confessed that par 3 and executive courses didn't feel like "real" courses to him. Because he realized this was a rather pompous attitude, he asked our readers what they thought of these short tracks. Seventy people responded and the majority (38%) said par 3/executive courses are good for a quick round once in a while. Just 28% play them all the time, while 30% rarely play them - giving Stinky Golfer Greg the comfort of knowing he's not alone.

Smoking is a touchy subject these days. Everyone knows it's bad for you, but cigars and golfing go together like peanut butter and jelly. So when we learned about cities and towns attempting to ban smoking on public golf courses, enough alarm bells went off at Golfstinks headquarters to warrant a new post...and another poll! To date, 98 people have voiced their opinion about banning smoking on public golf courses, and an overwhelming majority (89%) said NO to the ban! Think town council meetings across the country would be swayed by this lowly Golf Stinks blog poll? Yeah, you're probably right.

Finally (and most recently), we posted about how someone's frequent club throwing can be annoying to others in the foursome. Since throwing clubs after a bad shot seems like a pretty common occurrence, we decided to ask y'all how often you through your sticks around on the links. Nearly 130 folks have taken the poll thus far and 41% of them say they would never throw a club in anger! Meanwhile, 34% say they rarely throw clubs. But, there are club throwers out there - 18% said they are occasional club tossers, while 4% said they fire their clubs around all the freaking time! Wow! Be careful out there!

I'm sure in 2011, we here at Golfstinks will offer-up more golf polls to voice your opinion on. Needless to say, we're looking forward to the results!

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Why Par 3 and Executive Golf Courses Make Me Uneasy

In my post last week, I made a rather strong statement that I could be playing at either St. Andrews or some pitch n' putt somewhere and it wouldn't make much of a difference to me. I went on to explain that it doesn't matter where I play...that once I strap the old clubs on my back, my golf pilgrimage begins.

That statement was, for the most part, true. Yet of the hundreds of golf courses I've played in my lifetime, an extremely small percentage of them were of the executive or par 3 caliber. You may be wondering why. Why would this self-procliamed lover of all golf courses - a man who has played all the public 18-hole courses in his home state for the sheer fun of it (good ones and bad alike)...why would he have something against par 3 and executive courses?

I've pondered this question myself from time-to-time. And to tell you the truth, the truth hurts. You see, the reality is, I'm a bit particular...well, OK - call me anal. I'm like this about most things in my life and golf is no exception. Move a notepad on my desk and I move it back to its exact original position; when I read a book, I must read all the reviews on the inside flap, the editors note and the acknowledgments; and if you book a tee-time at a course where par is less than 69, my universe is thrown out of whack somewhat.

No par 5's?? Par for the course is 54??? How am I supposed to test out my new driver???? *BAM!* Universe out of whack, planets misaligned, etc., etc. The last time I played a "short" course (I actually had to go look this up) was July 21, 2007 - three years ago. Before that? Your guess is as good as mine.

I can tell you that three years ago I acquiesced because of my playing partners. Stinky Golfer Tom and I were playing with our dads - both of whom are in their 70s. Tom's dad had grown fond of a 9-hole, par 33 course that had recently opened up in our area and suggested we all play there.

Par 33. My mind instantly imagined windmills and a clown's mouth. Why? I knew this wasn't putt-putt golf, but I just couldn't help myself. I've turned into a golf course profiler...I should be ashamed of myself! Of course the place was great (see photo at top). And true to my post from last week - once I teed-off, I was very much enjoying myself - as if the course was much more grandiose.

But I haven't been back since. And I haven't played another par 3 or executive course since either. I know if...er, when I do again, I probably will still enjoy myself once I'm out on the course. But as far as when that will be? Hmmm, perhaps talk to me again in another three years.

So, do you find yourself avoiding par 3 and executive courses? Take the poll and let us know:

What do you think of Par 3 and Executive Courses?

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From St. Andrews to Bob's Pitch 'n Putt, it's Still Golf to Me

This week, golf websites everywhere are splashed with images from the game's most hollowed grounds. The site of this year's British Open is taking center-stage...perhaps more than the tournament itself.

Now I'm not saying St. Andrews doesn't deserve it - ever since the Scots hit stones down rabbit holes, the Old Course has been a monument to the game. But these days the place has become sacred.

Every year golfers make the pilgrimage to Scotland for a chance to play where the game (as far as we know) began. But think about the words we use: A pilgrimage. That's what it is, no? It's a spiritual journey; a religious experience. Let's ponder that for a second. Scotland is golf's Mecca, its Jerusalem. Compare that to your home course, which is just the local congregation.

These local places of worship consist of a plethora of courses all over the world. Some are of championship quality, while some appear better suited for grazing a herd of bison. But golf courses don't have to be legendary for you to remember them, no sir.

I'll bet not many people outside your local area have heard of the course where you scored your first ace or eagle on. But that place, that hole - it means something to you, doesn't it? The track could be a mortar range, but it's still etched into your memory like your first born.

This year, the PGA Tour has really played the historical card well - Pebble hosted the U.S. Open; St. Andrews hosted the British Open; Augusta...well, we have that every year, but you get my point.

The thing is, whether I'm playing at the center of the golf universe or at my local executive 9, it's all hallowed ground to me. The first tee jitters; the being one with nature; the whole nine yards. It doesn't matter if there's a beautiful ocean vista or if a historic tournament was played there...I mean, that would be great but, it's not necessary for me.

So, does this suggest I'm OK with playing the same course all the time? Hell no! I want to experience as many golf courses as possible! But I won't regret it if I never play Pebble or St. Andrews. You see, when I pull those clubs from my trunk and slip on the soft spikes, it doesn't matter where I am - my pilgrimage has begun.

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First Time On The Golf Course

A few months ago, late last golf season, I wrote about teaching the game to my oldest son. He purchased his own clubs with his birthday money and we hit the range a few times to get some work in before he hit an actual course. Unfortunately, there just wasn't enough time left in last year's golf season to ever make it out. So we hit the range a few more times, went to the indoor facility, and worked on our swings over the winter in anticipation of getting out on a course next season. Well, a few days ago, the time finally came.

However, I wondered where and when I was going to take him. Knowing his skill level, it didn't seem like a great idea to take him out on a weekend morning where we were going to slow down everyone around us. Also, taking him to play 18 on a course with a few 500 yard holes didn't seem wise yet either. I really wanted to avoid a par-3 course because I wanted him to have some variety on the holes and keep him from getting bored with the game. Then it came to me - an executive course! It's perfect! I have one right in town. It's nine holes, none longer than 290 yards but much more variety than a par-3 course. But now the question is, when do we go? Again, I'm trying to avoid slowing down all the golfers around us.

Fortunately, he's not only a pretty good athlete, he's also a pretty good student. So after receiving honors at school for the second time this year, I used that to reward him with a day off during the week and a round of golf. His mother wasn't too happy about him missing a day of school for golf, but I explained that I'm taking him out no matter what. I told her the choices were either we golf or go to the "gentleman's club." OK, before anyone freaks out, that's just a joke. So Friday morning around 11:00, we teed off for the first time.

His opening drive, of course, slices directly into the parallel fairway. We laugh it off and I tell him not to let it bother him - I promised he'll get to see me do that a few times today also. And I delivered on my promise.

It was amazing to see him progress from hole #1 to hole #9. It was like he was improving right before my eyes. By the time we hit the seventh, his slice was almost gone! There wasn't much distance to his shots, but they were pretty straight for the most part. His putting left something to be desired, but there's plenty of time to work on that.

As the round went on, I made sure to teach him not only the rules of the game, but the unwritten rules of etiquette as well. Not wanting to overwhelm him, I tried to fill him in on as we moved along. Simple things like staying quiet during someones swing, not stepping in someones line, etc...

By the end of the round it was clear this is another sport at which, if he sticks with it, he will excel also. Obviously, I gave him some mulligans and didn't count a drop here and there. But nevertheless his final score, not that it matters, wasn't too bad. He even managed to beat me on the eighth hole!

The best part about seeing him play, for me anyway, was that he never took it too serious. He didn't get upset with himself after a bad shot and he didn't let a bad shot affect his next one. He smiled and laughed throughout the round. He played the game exactly as you would expect a kid to play it, while still trying to do well. As a matter of fact, the most serious I saw him the entire day was when I let him drive the cart for two holes!

We wrapped the day up by talking about the round over a large pizza and a few sodas. We both looked forward to playing again and will certainly do so for, hopefully, many more summers to come. Although, I did let him know, I'm not always going to be easy on him. Mulligans, believe it or not, aren't an actual part of the game.

Truth is though, I'm going to have to be hard on him to keep him from beating me soon. But something tells me there's not much I'm going to be able to do about that.

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