You Golf the Way You Eat

About a year ago, I asked what you eat at the turn. In my research for that post, I discovered that eating at the turn is only half the battle. It's also about what you eat before your round (and the snacks between holes) too. Like most nutritionists say about all sports; Eating well leads to playing well.

But is this really true for golf?

Physically fit golfers are a rather new anomaly on the pro tour. Remember a few decades ago? Think about Jack Nicklaus, who until he trimmed-down for the 1970 season, was the subject of "fat" jokes. Or more recently, John Daly. I think those guys proved you don't have to be in top shape to play great golf.

OK, I know what you're thinking: "But those guys are far and few between - most golfers are thin." Perhaps, but let's forget about the pros for a minute and concentrate on the average weekend hack. Many of us stop at Dunkin' Donuts or McDonald's to grab a coffee and breakfast sandwich before our round.

Well, according to the vast majority of nutritionists out there, chowing on a bacon, egg and cheese sandwich before your round is disastrous. It may give you an initial boost of energy but by the back nine, you'll be dragging ass. I have to admit, I'm usually pretty tired for the last three holes...perhaps it's that Egg McMuffin coming back to haunt me. Or, perhaps it's because for the last 3 hours I've played 15 holes of golf!

Anyway, let's get back to whether eating "right" before and during a round matters or not. Consider the title of this post: "You Golf the Way You Eat." Well, I have fun eating and I have fun golfing. So I guess that statement is true.

OK, I know what you're thinking again: "That's not what that statement means!" No? Hmmm. I'm not sure what else it can mean. For me, I golf to relax...To unwind and have some fun. Why ruin it with a special golf diet?

Now I'm not telling everyone to eat comfort foods while playing golf...But I am saying: Do what makes you happy. Who cares if that hot dog and beer at the turn costs you a couple strokes on the last two holes? Unless I'm playing for money, I'd gladly give up the strokes for the dog and brew.

Now, I realize not everyone is like me. But if you're an average hacker and are forcing yourself to eat a specific way in hopes of lowering your score...consider this: You're not going to make the PGA tour. Ever. Not gonna happen. Not a chance. Pigs will fly first. Hell will freeze over and the sky will fall before you make a living playing professional golf.

But, I digress.

See? I bet that beer and hot dog are looking better already.

Despite the fact that Stinky Golfer Greg writes for this popular golf blog, he is in no way, shape or form qualified to be giving nutritional advice. Always check with your physician before altering your diet.

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Life Without Golf

Okay, so maybe I've been overdoing this whole " I had surgery, poor me, and can't golf" thing for the past few months. Hey, take it easy...it was heart surgery for Pete's sake. In all reality, the violins have run their course. No more sad music for me. Yes, golf was out of the equation for the last few months but now...it's game on.

Hurricane Irene, better yet Tropical Storm Irene, ruined my chances last weekend but this weekend the weather looks clear. It's time to wreak havoc on the ol' track. I can't believe I'm actually going to get out there and play! Although, as silly as it may sound, I'm a little nervous about it. It's like my first time, again.

The whole summer without golf had me thinking; what if golf never existed? What would fill that void? Ben Hogan, Arnold Palmer, Sammy Snead, Jack Nicklaus all the way to Greg Norman, Freddy Couples, Phil Mickelson, Tiger and Rory (and every other pro for that matter) would be ordinary people. Unless they excelled in other areas.

Our website would be www.____stinks.com. That would really stink! Perhaps the word "golf" would join the ranks of the other four letter words we hack's abuse. "Get the golf outta here!" I don't know...that just doesn't seem to cut it. It doesn't flow. "Ah golf, in the drink again!" Nope, definitely doesn't work as an expletive.

What would 30 million golfers do? "Hey honey, me and the guys are going to take a 4 and a half hour walk...be back by noon." Just think, golf tournaments would be a bunch of people wandering around outside in a field getting drunk...wait a minute...that is a golf tournament!

See you out there...

Hit'em long...yell FORE!!!

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Book Review: Golf List Mania!

As soon as I found out I was getting a copy of Leonard Shapiro and Ed Sherman's "Golf List Mania!" I began to schvitz in excitement. Besides it being a future 19th hole and coffee table staple, this book offers up (as they perfectly denote), "The Most Authoritative and Opinionated Rankings of the Best and Worst of the Game." I personally enjoy reading stuff as interesting as this.

Included are lists by golf legends Jack Nicklaus and Arnold Palmer as well as original stuff courtesy of Jim Nantz (who, by the way, offers up a great foreword) and one of America's greatest sports writer, Dan Jenkins. Shapiro and Sherman delve into this with no holds barred. They have lists ranging from Arnie's "My Five Most Important Victories" to a personal favorite - Shapiro's; "Great Caddyshack Pick-Up Lines."

Another great contribution to this book are the quotes that follow some of the lists. One that sticks out in my mind is Jimmy DeMaret's, who said: "Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at them." Classic.

Fellow hacks, get out there and score yourself a copy for $15. I have lost more than that in golf balls after a round. At least there is a better chance of not losing this book. Good job fellas!

Hit'em long...yell FORE!!!

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Fans Love A Good Rivalry

Ah...the rivalry games. You don't have to be a baseball fan to understand the significance of Red Sox-Yankees. Just the same for Lakers-Celtics, Packers-Bears, North Carolina-Duke, etc... That list can go on and on.

There are the all-time great rivalries like those mentioned above. There are the rivalries that last for a few years while two teams are both hot. There are local or in-state rivalries that may not have a huge national impact, but mean the world to the fans of the two teams. The bottom line is...fans love rivalries.

But I just recently came across an old article (roughly two years old, the article is not dated) touting golf's ten greatest rivalries. When I first came across this article, I felt I stumbled onto something interesting. Something that may help promote the sport to a new generation by focusing on or creating rivalries. Instead, I found the same old golf stuffiness. Seriously now...what is it about golf and golf writers that simply won't allow the sport to advance into the future? What do I mean? Here, I'll show you.

Moving through the list from 10 through 1:

#10 - USA vs. Sergio Garcia. For starters, this is not a rivalry. This is just a golfer who claims to dislike Americans. In return, many American golf fans dislike him. Further,Sergio Garcia is of relative insignificance. He has only two PGA Tour wins in the past five years and hasn't won multiple tourneys since 2004. So who cares about Sergio? But, other than his comments about beating Americans and spitting in the cup...one of the reasons people don't like him is his celebrations. I disagree here. I like the emotion. I would like to see more of it from other golfers. I'm tired of the "tip-of-the-cap." Celebrate a great shot a little. Don't rehearse it. I don't want to see a T.O. But don't be afraid to show a bit of emotion. Make the game more fun.

#9 - Pebble Beach vs. Augusta. Again, this is not a rivalry. This is like saying Yankee Stadium vs. Fenway. It's great for comparisons sake - one is big, extravagant and new, the other quaint, traditional and full of character. But neither has anything to do with the games themselves. It would be Yankees-Red Sox even if the game was on a neutral field. Sure you could make the argument that playing in each other's stadiums adds to the rivalry, but in golf, those two courses have nothing to do with an actual rivalry between players. They are just two courses. Albeit, two dream courses...but just courses nonetheless.

#8 - Robert T. Jones Jr. vs. Rees Jones. Once again...who cares? The average golf fan doesn't give a crap about this. So two brothers don't get along. OK, so it's a family rivalry. But it has nothing to do with the sport itself. They just both happen to be golf course designers. Meaningless.

#7 - Sarazen vs. Hagen - Hey!! We're four in and we actually have a player rivalry! It's what golf fans care about! Although, they do only mention one match and it happens to be almost 80 years old. Otherwise...I'll take it. They are after all, two of the greatest of all time.

#6 - Greg Norman vs. Tim Finchem - One is an all-time great golfer. The other is the commissioner. It's two guys who don't get along...but it's not a rivalry! Not in the sense that I want anyway. Not only that, but it's not exactly Pete Rose vs. Bart Giamatti.

#5 - Tradition vs. Technology - GET OVER IT ALREADY!! The game has advanced. It's going to continue to advance. Just let it happen!! Equipment is going to become easier to use. Technology will make the game easier for some. Does that ruin the game? Of course not! Besides, isn't it fun to think to yourself.."I know Tiger is great...but can you imagine what Bobby Jones would do with a set of Tiger's clubs?" Oh, and by the way, "tradition vs. technology" is, once again, not a rivalry.

#4 - Jack Nicklaus vs. Tom Watson - No argument here.

#3 - Sam Snead vs. Ben Hogan - Ditto.

#2 - Arnold Palmer vs. Jack Nicklaus - My only issue with this one is, how is it NOT #1?!

#1 - Tiger Woods vs. Old Man Time - Oh...because Tiger had to be involved in the #1 ranking somehow. Sports Illustrated and Golf magazine were, of course, busy kissing Tiger's ass. Tiger vs. Old Man Time? Are you kidding? He injured his knee!! How is that a rivalry???!!! Worse yet...how is that a better rivalry than Arnie vs. Jack?! What a joke.

See, I've mentioned before that I believe the PGA does a crappy job of promoting it's players. No one, save the hardcore golf fans, has any idea who half the players on the tour are. Want to promote these players a little better? Then create some rivalries! Give us a reason to watch! Build up a match! Don't give us a crappy top ten list that shows only four actual rivalries, and none of the current!

The PGA could do so much better...but they don't. In the meantime...fewer and fewer people care. Fewer and fewer people take up the game. Fewer and fewer rounds are played every year. Fewer and fewer members of the younger generations show interest in the game...and #5 on the above list is part of the problem, not one of the "greatest rivalries."

Swing 'til you're happy...and find your own top ten reasons to do so.

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Kids These Days...

Little snot nose brats make me laugh, but their parents who let them get away with it are even better. I was at a local golf shop putzing around recently and stumbled across a young kid and his mother. This little punk's snappy attitude towards his mother made me want to slap him...but, not my kid, not my job.

Apparently the young'un wanted to take-up golf and was looking for a set of clubs. So, the sales person had him hitting balls to warm up. It was obvious the kid had never really played and after a few swings the salesperson suggested a starter set and went to grabs a few clubs from it. This spoiled kid takes one look at the clubs asks how much they cost and tells his mother "I can't play with those pieces of junk! I want the Nike's..."

The salesperson calmly explained to the mother that the Nike's cost a lot more...about $600 more. And to start with those clubs, especially if the kid might not end up playing a whole lot, doesn't really make sense. He could have easily pushed those clubs on them and made his commission, but he did what he should have done and (from what I saw) advised them properly.

The kid persisted that the starter set was not for him. So, the sales person (who looked like he had been through this before) tells the kid that they're going to run a few tests to see what would be best. He took a 7 iron from both the starter and Nike set and tapes the bottom and back of the head (so you couldn't really see which was which). He had the kid swing both and then asked him which one felt better. Just as suspected, the kid had no clue.

Now that the point had been proven, the kid started making a big stink and demanded he get the Nike set. He said something along the lines of "I will never speak to you again and you don't love me...blah blah blah...if I don't get these Nike clubs." Are you f#$@ing kidding me?!?! If I ever spoke like that to my parents as a kid, it would have been knuckle sandwiches for dinner (maybe not that bad but not that far off either). That's when I left the area, I couldn't deal with this kid anymore. And if I stayed any longer I probably would have thrown my 2 cents in...

I'll tel ya'...the lack of respect these days is heart breaking. And then you wonder why the course is littered with morons acting like they're Jack Nicklaus but playing like a bunch of Jack Asses.

Hit'em long, yell FORE!! Respect your parents...

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Merry Christmas!!

Twas the day before christmas, when all through golfstinks, not a stinky golfer was stirring on the course or the links

The clubs rest in their bag all clean and nice, in hopes that Jack Nicklaus would give some advice

The four stinky golfers nestled all snug in their beds, while visions of zero handicaps danced in their heads

And Tom in his onesie with feety's and a cap, had just settled in for his quick disco nap

With an old persimmons driver, so lively and quick, I knew in a minute it must be Jack Nick

More rapid than eagles his courses he did claim, and he whistled and shouted...dude, this guy had game

Now Greg, now Chris, now Tom, now Pete...You have a long way to go before me you can beat

I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight...Happy Christmas to all and to all a good night!

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