Golf Stinks: Los Golfistas Perezoso

I've played golf pretty consistently over the last 20 years and to that end, I should be rather ashamed of myself thus far in 2011.

The truth is, I haven't played once yet this year. Back when I was on my quest to play every public 18-hole golf course in my state (more on that in a future post), I would keep a schedule that began in early April and ended in late October.

It wasn't that rigorous of a schedule (an 18-hole round every other weekend for seven straight months) but if I missed one, I would have to make it up the next month or I wouldn't be able to sleep at night.

After my quest was completed, things started to become disorganized (or what most of you may consider "normal"). Gaps in my schedule would go unfilled, until the schedules disappeared completely two seasons ago (ironically the same year I began writing for this blog).

But in all my golfing years, I always found time to at least play once in April! Not this year. For God's sake, Cinco de Mayo is tomorrow and I haven't stepped one foot on a tee-box, fairway or green.

Anyway, I recently became seriously concerned about my laziness toward golf this season. When would I play? After all, I have commitments to uphold - namely to the folks that read this blog. Firstly, I promised I would begin applying some of the techniques I read in the book Golf Sense. And then there's the fact that I probably should be playing the sport I write about.

I guess I can make excuses for my not playing yet. After all, life happens. There's family and work and chores that take precedence. I have a 6-month old who I'm wanting to dedicate more and more of my time to...and then there's the freaking yard. Mowing, trimming, weeding, planting - they don't tell you when you buy a house that it's the yard that will really do you in.

But I'm not the only one who hasn't hit the links yet...

Nope - None of my fellow stinky golfers have played yet this year either. In fact, the only one of us that has done anything remotely outdoorsy was when Stinky Golfer Chris went fishing. You mine as well call us "The Lazy Golfers."

But it's not like the desire to play is gone. We've all been chomping at the bit to get out there for the last 6 months! We just haven't. Hopefully I'll get out there soon. But in the meantime, if anyone lives in or is traveling through Connecticut, please stop by and smack some sense into me - If I don't get out there soon, I may actually forget how bad I am at this game.

Read more »

The Lazy Person's Ideal Golf Course

Do you find yourself taking the elevator instead of the stairs even though the building is two floors? Will you watch something on TV you don't want to just because you're on the La-Z-Boy and the remote is out of reach?

As America gets lazier (so says medical and health officials) and technology improves, I figured I would present a few ideas that would make a lazy golfer's round more accommodating by combining technology with laziness.

1. Concierge - What other amenity adds class and lets you be carefree than a concierge? You call them, tell them you want to play at whatever time and voila, easy as that. They make sure every thing is ready when you come, such as...

2. Curbside Check-In - part of the concierge's duties is to have an attendant ready with a golf cart at your spot in the parking lot. Who the heck wants to walk to the club house anymore? How can you avoid going into the clubhouse to check-in and pay? Technology, my friend, something along the lines of this...

3. Golf Cart 2.0 - You've parked and there waits for you a technologically advanced cart with GPS and a touchscreen display on a secured wireless network. From this display you can pay for the round and it's a digital scorecard to boot. It would be silly if that's all this thing did...glad you asked. Here's what else:

• Order food or beverages from the touchsreen display and have the MOFOBETE deliver it to wherever you are. Thanks GPS!


• Want a cigar or sun tan lotion? No worries, just like the food and drinks, order it on your wireless touchscreen display and within minutes the delivery hits your cart. GPS, you're the best!
  
  
• Left a club, club head cover or your weed stash behind? Fear not! Punch that in to GC 2.0's computer and out come the hounds. Soon enough a Go-Fer will show up with your belongings. Unless some greasy scumbag behind you scoops your goods. GPS...you got the picture.
  
  
• And yes, this will also give you distances to the green and what not. Hey, maybe even the pro's tip for that hole.

We could go into further detail but that would require more work (hence making me a hypocrite seeing that this is about being lazy). Not for nothing but I think I'm on to something here. It's kind of funny though, working so hard to design something to be so lazy...

Hit'em long, yell Fore!

Read more »