I Might Actually Watch Golf Again...

A couple weeks back I watched a three way playoff between Haas, Mickelson and Bradley for the Northern Trust Open. This is the first time I watched golf on purpose in a long, long time. And for the first time in a long, long time I was enjoying golf on TV. Fast forward a week or so later and Stinky Golfer Chris posted about the PGA needing their own Jeremy Lin. I agree.

In the meantime, as we wait for a new star to emerge, I'm watching golf to see who will take over the throne. It's exciting times in the pro golf universe. With all that negative hoopla the media was giving golf because Tiger couldn't keep it in his pants, it's actually refreshing to see a clean slate and a top spot yet to be filled. It's all about turning the negatives into positives, right?

So, who's it going to be? Let's take a look at the top 5 in the FedExCup standings.

Rank This Week	Rank Last Week	Player	Events	Points	# of Wins	# of Top 10's	Points behind Lead	Reset Points
1	1	Kyle Stanley	6	935	1	2
2	2	Johnson Wagner	6	860	1	3	75
3	3	Phil Mickelson	5	807	1	2	128
4	6	Mark Wilson	6	802	1	2	133
5	4	Bill Haas	6	752	1	2	183

Isn't this a change of pace? Kyle Stanley leading the pack. Wait...who? Kyle Stanley? Not so bad for someone that is ranked 48th in the world. What about the #1 ranked golfer in the world, Luke Donald. Again...who? Don't get me wrong, I'm not knocking these guys. I find it funny how golf, or the media rather hasn't found its star in this group of leaders.

What's the issue? Are they waiting for Tiger to mount his comeback? Come on man! It's time for new blood. There's a whole pool of young guns worthy of the limelight. These guys have such a great opportunity right under their noses. As long as they battle it out and vie for that top spot, the tour will make my TV channel rotation on Sunday afternoons. I just hope it stays interesting for a while.

Hit'em long...yell FORE!!!

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Life Without Golf

Okay, so maybe I've been overdoing this whole " I had surgery, poor me, and can't golf" thing for the past few months. Hey, take it easy...it was heart surgery for Pete's sake. In all reality, the violins have run their course. No more sad music for me. Yes, golf was out of the equation for the last few months but now...it's game on.

Hurricane Irene, better yet Tropical Storm Irene, ruined my chances last weekend but this weekend the weather looks clear. It's time to wreak havoc on the ol' track. I can't believe I'm actually going to get out there and play! Although, as silly as it may sound, I'm a little nervous about it. It's like my first time, again.

The whole summer without golf had me thinking; what if golf never existed? What would fill that void? Ben Hogan, Arnold Palmer, Sammy Snead, Jack Nicklaus all the way to Greg Norman, Freddy Couples, Phil Mickelson, Tiger and Rory (and every other pro for that matter) would be ordinary people. Unless they excelled in other areas.

Our website would be www.____stinks.com. That would really stink! Perhaps the word "golf" would join the ranks of the other four letter words we hack's abuse. "Get the golf outta here!" I don't know...that just doesn't seem to cut it. It doesn't flow. "Ah golf, in the drink again!" Nope, definitely doesn't work as an expletive.

What would 30 million golfers do? "Hey honey, me and the guys are going to take a 4 and a half hour walk...be back by noon." Just think, golf tournaments would be a bunch of people wandering around outside in a field getting drunk...wait a minute...that is a golf tournament!

See you out there...

Hit'em long...yell FORE!!!

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What's More Frightening Than My Golf Game?

Up until now, the scariest thing for me about this great sport of golf has been my own game. I have seen fellow golfers cringe at the site of me in a trap. Some have stared on in horror as I line up a four-footer. Others have even released blood-curdling screams at the site of my drives! Well.., on second thought, that could have been laughter. But either way...the point is my golf game is scary!

As scary as it may be though, it doesn't quite qualify as that Halloween type scary. But what in golf does? A Mickelson meltdown? A Sergio blowup? John Daly's pants? If those don't do it for ya...how about a creepy, ghostly figure watching from the woods as you putt-out on 18?

Sound ridiculous? Well, some golfers at the City Park golf courses in New Orleans would argue otherwise. Here, on the 18th hole of the East Course, that's exactly what many golfers have reportedly witnessed. How's that for a gallery?

For some people however, fear lies in the unknown. So what about a supposed ghost that no one ever sees but causes mischief? A golf course poltergiest if you will. We'll have to travel to England for this one. The Church Stretton Golf Course in Shropshire, UK reportedly has a ghost inhabiting the thirteenth hole. Locals here talk of a ghost who will steal your tee shots right from the middle of the fairway! Supposedly, you can see your drive land, but it's a different story when you arrive at that spot as the ball is nowhere to be found. I'd like to see a ruling on that situation! Would it be considered an act of God? If it is a ghost...is it a hazard? If the ghost was murdered in its earthly life...then is it a man-made hazard and therefore you get a free drop?

Maybe watchers in the woods and ball thiefing spectres aren't enough for you. In that case, how about the reported sightings of the ghost of a woman murdered on the course she haunts? In 1936 a woman was murdered on the seventh fairway of the beautiful Victoria Golf Club in Victoria, BC, Canada. Reportedly, her presence can be spotted on that very fairway!

OK, but these are just reports. There's no proof or evidence of any type. Ah, but what if there was? The photograph above is one of two taken at the Aetna Springs Golf Course in Pope Valley, CA - arguably the oldest course west of the Mississippi. Supposedly, the pictures were taken on the course in 1963. Several shots were taken, but in only two, strange images showed up on film that were not visible at the time of the shots. As the story goes, the images of eight monks have been seen crossing a fairway on this course. Some witnesses have reportedly even been able to make out the agonized expressions on the monks faces! Now that's one for the Ghost Hunters!

There you have it. I didn't think I could do it, but in the spirit of Halloween, I found something out on the golf course scarier than my game. And I even found a picture to prove it. But not only did I find that, I have now also stumbled across a great new excuse for losing my ball - it was snatched up by a ghost! Let's see if I can get anyone to go along with that one!

Happy Halloween!

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My Halloween Costume

Stinky Golfer Greg mentioned in his last post, "You Know that Local Course You Love So Much?" that autumn sadly signifies the end of our golf season here in the Northeast.

Luckily, we have halloween though, a chance to dress up like a tool and still be accepted. Not that I dress like a tool normally, but you get the idea. What do you mean I can't wear cowboy boots and spandex shorts?

So, I put some thought into my halloween costume this year and decided it should be golf-related. Not wanting to jump on the bandwagon and be Cigar Guy, I thought I could go as a professional tour player. How about Phil Mickelson? Good ol' Lefty would be a good one. All I have to do is make it to the end and...not win. Oof! Maybe not as good an idea as I thought.

John Daly...bingo! This has two options; the fat version or the not so fat version. I'll raid a trailer park for some threads, solicit a hooker and get s@#%-faced everywhere I go. On top of that, I'll wager butt loads of money frivolously anywhere that I can gamble it away. Wait, I think Daly doesn't drink anymore and just chain smokes now. Plus, I really don't have the extra cash to be betting with. Scratch JD off the list. Next!

Tiger, Tiger Woods y'all!!! Oh man, I'll whip everyones' ass and sleep with all the women while sporting the red and black Nike get-up. Sweet! Actually, I won't even be available for Halloween because I gotta show the new beer-cart girl my putter. You know, I want her to see how I sink my balls in-person. This has potential...a little risky but has potential.

I could always go a little old school with someone like Greg Norman. That would be pretty cool. Fake a Down-Under accent, rock a pimp hat (come on, his hat is one feather away from Huggy Bear's collection) and throw some shrimp on the barbie. G'day mate, it sure is a lovely day. Golf? What is that? Would yoos care ta try some of me wine? Or maybe not...

The hell with it! Being a pro golfer is unrealistic. I need something that is more...me. Something I can really relate to. A costume that fits my persona and allows for an easy transition into character. Now where did I put that Mr. T wig?

Hit'em long, yell FORE!!! Cuz' I pity the fool with no golf etiquette!

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What If PGA Tour Golf Was a Team Sport?

Yeah, maybe this was partially inspired by the Ryder Cup, but it was much more inspired by my favorite Sunday afternoon activity....watching football.

Football, in my opinion, is the ultimate team sport. Think about it. If just one single player doesn't do his job, the play is a waste. If one offensive lineman doesn't block...the QB is down. If a wide receiver, even though he's not even involved in the play, doesn't at least run his route, or block someone downfield, the play is busted. If a cornerback or safety doesn't cover their man, the other team is on their way to six. No other sport so heavily depends on the team as a whole.

Look at basketball - at any point, one or two players per team are just standing around doing nothing - sometimes they're not even on the same side of the court! Even worse is baseball. There are times when as many as eight players on the field at once are all just watching the action happen somewhere else. Maybe the players are a little more involved in hockey or soccer, but really....who cares?

Team sports are the most popular sports in the United States. Football, basketball, baseball and yes...even hockey. But what about golf? Why is golf not played in teams? At the high school level, golf is a team sport. At the college level, golf is a team sport. But at the pro level...outside of the Ryder Cup, it's all about the individual. I understand why it's a team sport in high school and college, but has anyone ever really considered the idea of pro team golf?

Would it add or detract from the sport? I myself don't see why it would take anything away. I mean, you're still seeing the individual golfer play, right? That aspect isn't affected at all. But what if, instead of getting behind one golfer, you could get behind a team? How would teams be broken up? Would there be a draft? Or would players be eligible for teams based on their home states? For instance, maybe Matt Kuchar leads a team of players from Florida against a team from South Carolina led by Dustin Johnson. The Florida Retirees vs. The South Carolina Beach Bums...or something like that. You know what I'm gettin' at.

I'm thinking that if this was a team sport, and each weekends tournament scores added up to something towards the end of the season...this could build up to a PGA Tour Super Bowl of sorts. Imagine the final weekend of the season being a foursome-on-foursome meeting between Jim Furyk's Pennsylvania team vs. Lefty's California squad. Sounds pretty OK.

I'm not saying every weekend tournament would have to be played as a team. Tournaments would still be setup as they are now. However, each golfers individual results would affect their teams cumulative score. And at the end of the season, the two best teams will face off.

I'll tell you three ways this could/would be beneficial to the tour. Number 1 - It makes every tournament mean more. Even the smaller, lesser followed events. Number 2 - It will get the big names to the current not-so-big venues. And number 3 - It would get all golfers playing more often. No more of this Tiger Woods and his only playing 12 events crap, while everyone else is playing 20+. I don't know about you, but this is beginning to sound OK!

Now I know that some of you are saying to yourself "But golf isn't supposed to be a team sport. You play golf against yourself. You try to beat the best you've done every time you play." You know what...shut up. I always hated that asinine comment and that's why I've never attempted to make that stupid argument and never will. That's just golfers trying to justify why their sport is better than another. I can make that same stupid argument for ANY athlete in ANY sport. If it was all about playing against yourself then there wouldn't be tournaments against other golfers! Of course you're trying to play your best round ever! Why wouldn't you?! Do you think Tom Brady goes out on the field every Sunday saying "I think I'll try to do just enough to get by this time. I don't want to do better than I did last week." Do you think Kobe Bryant says the same thing? How about Albert Pujols? See how stupid it sounds? But I digress.

Maybe this is an all around stupid idea. I don't know. But it's an idea anyway. I'm just trying to think of some ways to inject some life into an often times lifeless sport.

Anyone got a better idea?

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Why Golf, Why?

Ok, so I have another issue with this torture-inflicting game called golf that I love so much - our relationship. It's true, we are suckers for abuse. The worse you treat us the more difficult it is to stay away.

You know that friend you may have secretly liked but they were so wrapped up in a crappy relationship with an abusive a-hole and everybody saw it except them? Well, I'm the friend and golf is the abusive a-hole.

I went and checked out some classic signs of a bad relationship and it's just as I suspected:

• Lack of Trust - How do you trust someone (or thing) that lets you down a lot? Hey, I know I could practice more but, WTF. How about showing some love once in a while? Maybe a kick towards the fairway instead of the woods.

• Disrespect - Not treating the other person like they are important. Golf, do you know how it feels when all I do is try to take care of you and in return you do stuff like give me 10 on a par 3?

• Fear of Change - I can't change now. I've invested too much into this already, plus softball messes with my swing.

• Physical or Emotional Abuse - Do I need to go here?

But wait, there is good news! With a little help, we can develop a healthy, happy relationship with golf once again. It may take a little time but we can do it. Get back in that driver's seat and own what's yours! Who wears the knickers in this relationship...? That's right - we do!

Personally, I look to players like Phil Mickelson and John Daly for inspiration. These guys have had their share of ups and downs. They should be counselors with all the real life experience they have. If there's one thing I can take away from all of this - it's to have fun. Don't sweat the small stuff and enjoy your time together.

Hit'em long...yell FORE! Don't get whipped...

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U.S. Open...For Business?

O.K., normally I don't write much about what's going on with the pro tours, but after a quick look at the leader board for the U.S. Open, the top five names threw me off a bit. I double-checked and made sure it was the U.S. Open Leader Board, it was, and then it hit me - I know these results were only through the first round, but is this a sign of change?

Don't get me wrong, I know Tiger is very well capable of coming from behind (no pun intended) and winning. And Phil, man what's happening? Here's a quick look of the top five so far:

1. Shaun Micheel USA
2. Paul Casey ENG
3. Brendon de Jonge ZIM
4. Alex Cejka...who? GER
5. Ryo Ishikawa JAP

Does this look like a U.S Open leader board? Will the fave's make the cut? I'm really looking forward to seeing how this plays out. It's a little bit of change from all of this World Cup Soccer (no offense to soccer, I'm also a fan). Not to mention, I wonder how much of an impact either sporting event is having on each other (something tells me the football tourney is having more success - even here in the states)?

Anyway, maybe this U.S. Open will open the doors for some new names (God knows the tour could use them). I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who doesn't recognize some of the players in the lead, but is that good or bad for the PGA? Stinky Golfer Chris posted the other day that the tour is trying to woo more fans - will this no-name leaderboard help it, or will it send it reeling even father than it currently is?

Time will tell, but I for one am more interested than ever! Not-to-mention, they're out there on beautiful Pebble Beach playing golf...it doesn't get much better than that. F@#$in' beautiful!

Good luck no-names - I'm pulling for ya!

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The PGA Tour Decides To Get More Fan-Friendly. Gee...Thanks.

I checked out a Devil Ball post a few days ago regarding the PGA deciding to make some "fan-friendly" moves. While I believe that any sport making an attempt to become more fan-friendly is great, I can't help but to think to myself - "Yeah, we'll see."

Fact: No major sport is more out of touch with its fans than PGA golf. See that picture of Lefty? It's him and a handful of other guys (if even that many) who show any real appreciation for the fans that show up to the events. What is the PGA planning to do about that? What good is trying to get a few more big names to some smaller tournaments if they are just going to ignore the fans there also?

Few sports put the spectator closer to the competitors than golf. But there is so little fan interaction that it just doesn't matter. Is it really that hard to, at the very least, acknowledge the fans? Is it that hard to look at the fans and say "Thank you" after they're cheering on a nice shot? I mean, it's not an NBA game where you have to hurry back down the court to play defense! Acknowledge the fans! All you're doing is walking down the fairway anyway!

But it's not only the on-course actions of the players. It's also the lack of pre- and post-round interaction. What Jay Busbee wrote in that post is 100% on the money. Most of these guys hurry past the fans like they're carrying some rare, incurable disease! Don't these guys realize, if not for the fans, you don't have the chance to play for, or make, the kind of money you do? Yeah, you can thank Tiger all you want for that, but it's still the fans who show up to watch! You would think that once all of the Tiger controversies came to be, and the galleries were only a fraction of what they were, these guys would be a bit humbled. But no. Nothing changed.

In my opinion though, the Tiger mess is the point from which the PGA's revelation stems. And not for nothing, but also in my opinion, that's a slap in the face to the golf fan. Basically, the PGA is saying "Oh yeah, you fans...we didn't give a crap about you for the most part. But now that you're not showing up, we realize we need you. Sorry about that." It's like treating your spouse like crap. Then when they're about to walk out on you, you start trying to fix things by doing the things you should have been doing all along! Good luck with that.

The PGA put all of their eggs in the Tiger basket because of his popularity. The galleries were packed, purses were larger, the PGA was making money and the sports popularity seemed to be at an all-time high. They didn't have to do anything for the fans because they were already there! But then...disaster. Tiger is out and no one is paying attention any longer. Now what? They realize now they should treat the fans a little better? They understand now, without the fans, they don't have a sport? Excuse me, but that's crap.

We here at Golfstinks have mentioned many times in the past that the PGA just doesn't do enough for the fans, as well as its own players. And when Tiger disappeared for a while, that point was proven. I didn't know half the golfers I was seeing on TV. That's sad! When I can name more NASCAR drivers (a sport I despise) than PGA golfers (a sport I am a fan of, as well as participate in)...well...there's a problem.

So one of the PGA's solutions is to allow cell phones on the course? That's your answer?! I've been to exactly two PGA tournaments, and guess what? I took my cell phone to both!! Obviously I was courteous enough to turn the ringer off, but what are you really offering me? I'm bringing it anyway!

What I'm getting at here is, at least the PGA is making the attempt to do something. But it's not even close to enough. Yeah, putting a microphone on some of the players is a halfway decent idea, but something tells me that will get old pretty quickly. There's only so much they can have to say that I'm going to care about before it just becomes redundant and flat-out boring.

The PGA needs to take more drastic measures. Get the fans more involved. Make some autograph sessions or meet-and-greets a requirement after rounds. Encourage the players to toss a few balls into the crowds. Set-up some competitions just for fun. We've mentioned in the past a long-drive competition between some of the bigger hitters on tour. That's fun and fan-friendly! What's wrong? Some of the players don't want to participate in that stuff? Well...then tell them they are more than welcome to find a new line of work.

The PGA needs to make it a point to show the fans they are priority #1. The tour will go on with or without a particular golfer. But it will not go on if there's no one to watch. Like that spouse, if you don't show appreciation, then before you know it, they're gone. And let me tell you...allowing a cell phone in? If that's the best you can come up with, that's simply not going to cut it.

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Risk-Reward

We've all heard of this before, just ask Phil Mickelson. For those not too sure of the meaning, it derives from Wall Street. Investors risking potential losses (the risk) in order to gain higher returns (the reward). On the golf course this means challenging a hazard or taking a tough shot, and risk losing a stroke, to potentially gain a stroke. With that said, let me give you my twist on the ol' double "R".

Stinky Golfer Greg and myself recently went and played a quick nine at a local track. As we butchered our way through while donating balls, we joked about how you always hit your best shot into the foursome in front of you. It never fails. If you are 240 yards out and there is a foursome on the green, it is inevitable, you will hit a perfect 3 wood bomb right into their line as they putt. Hence, my take on risk-reward.

The Risk: Taking your shot knowing the foursome is within reach. You know damn well that if you wait for that foursome to finish or advance, you will flub the shot and everyone in your group will chime in with "It's a good thing you waited for them to clear out, Tiger!"

The Reward: Hitting the straightest and most beautiful golf shot...ever! Yeah, yeah I know, it's a crappy, non-golf etiquette, greasy, selfish move. But man, is it tempting especially if the foursome in front of you is slow.

You see, this is exactly what transpired...pretty much. We were on the ninth hole (par 5) and just teed off. My ball landed in the rough maybe 10-15 feet off the fairway. Their is a foursome on the green and I'm some ways away. I pull out my trusty 3 wood and examine the shot. I discusss with Greg that I probably won't make the green, but because there is a foursome there, the golf gods will give me the distance and accuracy I need.

So, I throw caution to the wind and proceed to hit, out of the rough, an ESPN Sportscenter, U.S. Open Highlight, Shot-Of-The-Day, golf shot. As soon as the ball was struck, I felt my stomach drop and everything turned slo-mo. FFFFFFFOOOOOORRRRRRREEEEE (but just like Ralphie in the movie a "Christmas Story", I was really thinking the F--- word)! The friggin' ball lands directly in front of the guy as he's putting...WTF!

Anyway, one of the guys starts yelling at us and waiving his arms in the air. I couldn't really make out what he was saying (he was about 240 yards away) but I returned a "Sorry!" I honestly attempted to find them in the clubhouse afterwards to apologize in person, but it seems they had already teed-off on the 10th hole. Coincidentally, Greg parked right alongside the 10th fairway and as he was putting his clubs in his trunk, his car alarm inadvertently went off - right in the middle of that same guy's back swing. We looked at each other: "Was that them?" Greg asked. "I think so." I replied. Needless to say, we felt it best to leave before causing any further shenanigans.

I definitely DO NOT recommend hitting into groups in front of you. Sometimes mistakes are made...on purpose...call me Lefty.

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