What's More Frightening Than My Golf Game?

Up until now, the scariest thing for me about this great sport of golf has been my own game. I have seen fellow golfers cringe at the site of me in a trap. Some have stared on in horror as I line up a four-footer. Others have even released blood-curdling screams at the site of my drives! Well.., on second thought, that could have been laughter. But either way...the point is my golf game is scary!

As scary as it may be though, it doesn't quite qualify as that Halloween type scary. But what in golf does? A Mickelson meltdown? A Sergio blowup? John Daly's pants? If those don't do it for ya...how about a creepy, ghostly figure watching from the woods as you putt-out on 18?

Sound ridiculous? Well, some golfers at the City Park golf courses in New Orleans would argue otherwise. Here, on the 18th hole of the East Course, that's exactly what many golfers have reportedly witnessed. How's that for a gallery?

For some people however, fear lies in the unknown. So what about a supposed ghost that no one ever sees but causes mischief? A golf course poltergiest if you will. We'll have to travel to England for this one. The Church Stretton Golf Course in Shropshire, UK reportedly has a ghost inhabiting the thirteenth hole. Locals here talk of a ghost who will steal your tee shots right from the middle of the fairway! Supposedly, you can see your drive land, but it's a different story when you arrive at that spot as the ball is nowhere to be found. I'd like to see a ruling on that situation! Would it be considered an act of God? If it is a ghost...is it a hazard? If the ghost was murdered in its earthly life...then is it a man-made hazard and therefore you get a free drop?

Maybe watchers in the woods and ball thiefing spectres aren't enough for you. In that case, how about the reported sightings of the ghost of a woman murdered on the course she haunts? In 1936 a woman was murdered on the seventh fairway of the beautiful Victoria Golf Club in Victoria, BC, Canada. Reportedly, her presence can be spotted on that very fairway!

OK, but these are just reports. There's no proof or evidence of any type. Ah, but what if there was? The photograph above is one of two taken at the Aetna Springs Golf Course in Pope Valley, CA - arguably the oldest course west of the Mississippi. Supposedly, the pictures were taken on the course in 1963. Several shots were taken, but in only two, strange images showed up on film that were not visible at the time of the shots. As the story goes, the images of eight monks have been seen crossing a fairway on this course. Some witnesses have reportedly even been able to make out the agonized expressions on the monks faces! Now that's one for the Ghost Hunters!

There you have it. I didn't think I could do it, but in the spirit of Halloween, I found something out on the golf course scarier than my game. And I even found a picture to prove it. But not only did I find that, I have now also stumbled across a great new excuse for losing my ball - it was snatched up by a ghost! Let's see if I can get anyone to go along with that one!

Happy Halloween!

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What if You Could Play Every Round with a Pro?

So I'm hitting balls into the simulator at Dick's Sporting Goods a few months ago, trying to find a new driver (see story HERE). Anyway, the pro helping me (yes, Dick's hires PGA pros for their golf department) is named Ralph.

Ralph is a down-to-earth kinda guy and is completely amused that I write for a blog called Golf Stinks. After a few minutes of chatting, he begins telling me about an idea for an app he has - one where he can be (sort of) on the course giving advice to thousands of golfers all over the world at the same time.

This idea intrigued me and I told Ralph he should get busy developing said app. He agreed, I purchased my new driver and went on my merry way. Of course, I completely forgot about Ralph's app idea - until about two weeks later when I received an email from Ralph explaining he had gotten a developer and Golf Pro To Go was about to become reality.

You've gotta hand it to old Ralphie-boy. Not many people would be inspired by talking to someone who claims they stink at golf, but it appears I had some effect on Ralph to realize his dream app - and he didn't waste any time getting started.

Fast forward just a few short months and the Golf Pro To Go app is developed and on the iPhone app store - ripe for downloading at just $0.99 cents (Droid version is in development). But how does it work? Here's the deal: Golf Pro To Go asks you a series of questions, which, when answered, will explain exactly how you should play whatever shot you're faced with.

Let's say you're on the tee with the wind blowing right-to-left. There's a water hazard on the left side of the fairway and grass conditions are wet. A few taps taking less than 30 seconds will give you a text-book approach to hitting your shot: "Tee up on the left side of the tee box and aim down the right center. The right to left wind will push the ball left. With trouble to the left, choose your target far enough right to allow for the wind. Wet conditions will eliminate roll."

More complex shots are also covered (e.g. if the ball is above or below your feet or what the specific slope of the terrain is). You can also save shots - so, like me, when you're faced with the same approach (side-hill lie, from the rough) again on the next hole, you can easily tap right over and get a refresher on how to play from that position.

Sounds simple enough, but with golf, sometimes all you need is to regroup and refocus, and Golf Pro To Go helps you to do just that. Ralph is still tweaking some things though - there's no putting, chipping or trap play included in this version, but he assures me they're working on it for future versions. But for a buck, you really can't go wrong - it's worth the dollar alone just to give you a chance to breath and mentally prepare - all just by tapping through the shot you're faced with before you actually take it.

As a thank you for inspiring him to develop his idea into a reality, Ralph has agreed to give five Golf Stinks readers the app for free! Just email us HERE - first 5 to do so win!

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The Best Time of Day To Golf?

I was asked recently; "When is the best time to golf?." I wanted to say "Whenever the old lady wants me to do something...," but she will be reading this post. Seriously though I had to stop and think for a second. There are golfers that play only if their tee time is at the ass-crack of dawn (frickin' go-getters) while there are others that won't go until the twilight special (cheap bastids).

When is the best time? Growing up I used to hear sayings like "Early to bed, early to rise, blah, blah, blah..." And for the most part it is right. So, some benefits of golfing early would be you are well-rested mentally and physically and there are fewer people out there to slow you down (unless you were cuttin' the rug all night and the golf course is on the way home).

I tend to be neutral on this. Yes, golfing early does have benefits but so does a round in the afternoon. It could be cheaper because some courses offer specials during the slower hours of the day. The golf course rush-hour is over by then which also leaves fewer people out there. And you could use it as a way to unwind and break up the day a bit.

After mulling it over a little more, the answer to "When is the best time to golf?" clearly has to be; "The best time is when you are golfing." It doesn't matter if it's early or late, it only matters that you get out there and play. Hey, the early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese...

Hit'em long, yell FORE! And get that cheese...

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Need Some Time Off From Work? Get A Golf Job!

Why do people become teachers? Is it because the work is fulfilling? You know...shaping young minds, helping to strengthen the foundation of the future. Yeah, that's the standard, almost scripted answer you're likely to get if you ask a teacher. But they're not fooling anyone. We all know that's not the "real" reason. We all know the real reason is simply...the time off.

Look back. If I stopped to think about it when I was younger, I would have thought a bit differently about my future. When I was busy enjoying a few weeks off throughout the year, a bunch of half-days, countless three-day weekends and...oh yeah....TWO AND A HALF MONTHS OFF IN THE SUMMER!!...I would have become a teacher. All I ever thought about was how great my school schedule was, never stopping to think that my teachers schedule almost mirrors mine! Rather than busting my hump all week throughout the entire year with some time off here and there, I too could be sleeping late in the summer, golfing on a Wednesday morning in July and fishing on a Thursday afternoon in August. Now that's the life.

But it seems I've found another line of work which allows for a fair amount of time off also - a job in the golf industry. Due to my knowledge of the golf industry being almost non-existent off the course, I never considered what, exactly, many employees in the industry do during the off-season (in the northern half of the country anyway).

Now that my wife has been working in the industry for the past several months, I've become somewhat clued in. When the winter begins to rear its head, golfers stop golfing. So there's no need for so many employees. My wife found that out when the total number of employees in her office dropped to three (luckily, she is included in that group). Everyone else? Seasonal lay-off. When do they come back? April. Ladies and gentlemen....that is a five month vacation!

I know what some of you are saying, and you're right. It's a bit of a vacation, but what do you do for money? It can't be that great if you're broke for half the year! Well, like the teacher job, that's something you have to plan for. Sure, unemployment covers 60% of your paycheck, but a 40% pay cut for five months is something to be concerned about. But if you're prepared for it, then hey, how can you beat it?! Maybe you have a little something lined up to help supplement the loss, such as a little part time gig, under the table possibly (not that I condone that of course...). Or maybe you've rationed your money well enough throughout the season that you can just enjoy the time off without having to worry about searching for any temporary employment.

My point is, if this is handled right, then this could be a dream job. Say you're an employee at the golf course. Maybe you make a decent salary and you stash away a good portion of your money in order to prepare for your winter lay-off. You spend your spring, summer and half of your autumn at a golf course! You lose your job in the late fall but still make 60% of your paycheck! So what do you do with all that time off? Take golf trips! In January, go down south (because who the hell wants to travel to Florida in the summer anyway) and play some of the courses down there! Maybe in February you head to the southwest. Because once again.., who wants to go to Vegas in the middle of the summer? That phrase "but it's a dry heat" only goes so far. Been there in July, yeah it's cheaper that time of year, but there's a reason for that. It's 100 degrees in the middle of the night! But if you're winter schedule is pretty wide open? That's the time to go!

What I'm saying is, if I knew then what I knew now (yeah, how many times have we all said that to ourselves). I'm sure it has its downsides, but if you're lucky enough to have a relatively well-paid position in the industry, this can't be all that bad. I don't know about you, but no matter what the weather is like or what time of year it is, it sure beats sitting behind my desk all day.

I mentioned once before that I would encourage my kids to take up golf for the purpose of a college education. However, I may also add to that reasoning my thoughts mentioned above. Something tells me that if I mention all of the potential time off, it will ring louder in my kids ears then if I was to take the education route. Although, encouraging them to become teachers is not a bad alternative.

Swing 'til you're happy!

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When to Regrip Your Ball Retriever

For more than a year now, we here at Golfstinks have been telling you not to take your poor play and high handicap too seriously. We've posted many colorful articles on this blog that we hoped would instill in you the necessary frame of mind to enjoy golf while still stinking at it. In fact, we plan on posting many more of these types of articles.

But to help you along, I've come across some great reading material. Whether in your favorite arm chair or on the porcelain throne, these books are sure to increase your laughter with every page-turn. Endorsed by former U.S. presidents and CEO's of Fortune 500 companies, "How to Line Up Your Fourth Putt" and the recently released "When to Regrip Your Ball Retriever" should be part of every golfer's book collection.

My copies are now on my bookshelf - wedged right next to Ben Hogan's Five Lessons. They're the perfect compliment to each other. I feel it projects to others that: "I'm trying to get better, but I'm not gonna lose any sleep over it."

Author Bobby Rusher presents his material as a golf instructional manual of sorts. But you wont find advice on how to properly grip a club - instead you'll find a chapter entitled "The Insignificance of Proper Grip." My other favorite chapters? "How to Hit a Dunlop 2 From the Rough on your Second Shot, When You Hit a Titleist 1 From the Tee;" or "What to do When you've Parred the Course by the 11th Hole;" and the always popular "Body Blocks and When to Use Them."

One of Mr. Rusher's more compelling chapters is entitled "The Importance of Realizing that Most Golfers are Bad Golfers." He explains that when he played Pebble Beach (he shot 141 there by the way), he was intimidated because he feared he would embarrass himself on one of the world's greatest courses. But he quickly realized that all the other golfers on the course that day were bad too. It took him 6 hours to complete his round because the group he was following was just as terrible.

Of course, I've been using the term "chapters" but, these are each typically one page of light and comical reading. The reality is, Mr. Rusher's books are sarcastic, laugh-out-loud pointers and cheats about taking a light-hearted approach to your stinky golf game. And if you can laugh at these books, you're one step closer to enjoying golf despite how bad you may be at it. Hats off to you Bobby Rusher - you're a true stinky golfer.

To help our readers start their book collection, Golfstinks has secured a set of both books to give away to one lucky reader! Simply post the phrase "I Love My Ball Retriever" on our Facebook page, and we'll select one random winner from those posts on October 29th! If you end up not being our winner, you can email Bobby directly HERE for more info or to purchase either book (hey, the holiday's are coming up *hint* *hint*).

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A Game of Firsts

Life happens, obviously. But every once in a while it hits me and for a moment there is some clarity. Don't get me wrong I'm not saying I figured it out, all I mean is that stuff makes sense...sometimes. Like a golf swing, you know? You go through the motions and somehow it works...sometimes. How? Who the heck knows but you always remember that first time you did it.

It seems (as the title implies) golf has many significant firsts. There are the great ones such as your first hole in one, birdie or eagle. And then there's the unspectacular firsts or the yang (because every ying has it's yang). The bogey, double bogey, snowman or the "why did I come out and play today?". This could also be followed by your first broken club.

More importantly, I believe there are firsts that far outweigh golf's ying yang or balance of good and evil. Due to some current happenings around me, my ideas and train of thought have shifted. This carries over into all facets of my life. For instance, A couple weeks ago I had the honor of becoming an uncle...again. What does this mean? Well, since I don't have kids yet and my brother doesn't golf (I know, shame on him), I can bring my nephew out for his first golf outing.

This brings me back a little to my first attempt at golf. I call it an "attempt" because playing golf requires that you have a clue to what you are doing. This was also my first time driving a golf cart and my first time losing a ball...or five after nine holes. Regardless, I think of how great it is to share something you really enjoy with someone you care about.

It's funny because when I first played golf I was told " Don't worry about the rules...just get out there a get a feel for what playing golf is all about." I sure am glad I wasn't told that when I first learned how to drive a car. All I can say is life gives us the opportunity to experience something for a first time. It's a pretty big concept if you think about it.

Hit'em long, yell FORE!!! For the first time...today.

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Are You Jealous Of Other Golfers?

So my wife gets a call the other day from a relative out west. The only part of the conversation in which I'm involved is when when she tells said relative "Hold on, I'll tell him now." She then proceeds to tell me about the 74 he shot that morning. Now, am I jealous of the score? No, of course not. Well...maybe a little. But what I am jealous of is the fact that he played at all.

See, it was 47 degrees and raining here. But I ask him..."How's the weather?" His response? "A little cool. It was only around 65 when we teed off. But it warmed up later." It was then that I though I just might be somewhat jealous of other golfers.

Year in and year out, once the golf season winds down, I find I'm saying to myself "I wish I played more this year." It never fails. I could have played more than I ever have, but I'll still find myself repeating the same thing. I know it's not just me. All my golfing buddies feel the same way. And when I look back at why I may not have played as much as I would have liked...the reasons are usually pretty legit. Many times either me or my wife have something going on in our relatively busy lives, and occasionally it gets in the way of my golf game. If I only had more time...

But here in the northeast, normally only about seven or eight months out of the year are consistently playable. Anything more is a bonus. So naturally, I'm a bit jealous of players from other areas of the country. What if I could play year-round? What if there was no off-season? What if I never had to worry about the season winding down? What if I never had to feel like I didn't play enough?

However, is there a flip-side to that? To me, there's something about the feeling of the season coming to a close. The little extra push you give knowing your clubs are about to go into hibernation. But even more, there's something about the feeling of the up-coming season about to begin. A couple of trips to the indoor facility during the winter, a few stops at the range when the temps again begin to rise...it's the anticipation really. Something to look forward to.

It would be nice to have the ability to play year round. But if I did have that opportunity, would I take advantage? I honestly don't know if I would. I mean, in the limited time I have now, I don't always take advantage. So what if I never had to worry about not being able to play? Would I take advantage, or would I be even more indifferent to it?

Think about anything in life really. If you never have to worry about something going away, you tend to take it for granted, right? Would I feel the same about golf? Not sure. But what if someone else was in my shoes? What if I took a Floridian and put them here in Connecticut? Then I tell them "I know you could play golf every weekend down south...but here you've only got the chance to play about 60% of that." No more taking that time for granted I'm sure. So why do I do it here?

I have no answer. But the best I can figure is that I feel the break is necessary for myself and possibly most other golfers of my skill level, which just so happens to be about 95% of you. The off-season is a time for reflection on the previous season as well as a time of preparation for the next. However, it's also a time to simply take a break from the sport as a whole. Forget about your crappy game for a while. Forget about your scores. Forget about your frustration toward your handicap which never seems to drop. Just take the time off and relax.

Now would I feel this way had my golf life begun in a place where there is no off-season? Possibly. But it didn't. Where I live, there's an off-season. And for the reasons I stated above, I don't see it being better any other way. I'm not afraid of the off-season. As a matter of fact, I'll relish it.

Bring on the winter!

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My Halloween Costume

Stinky Golfer Greg mentioned in his last post, "You Know that Local Course You Love So Much?" that autumn sadly signifies the end of our golf season here in the Northeast.

Luckily, we have halloween though, a chance to dress up like a tool and still be accepted. Not that I dress like a tool normally, but you get the idea. What do you mean I can't wear cowboy boots and spandex shorts?

So, I put some thought into my halloween costume this year and decided it should be golf-related. Not wanting to jump on the bandwagon and be Cigar Guy, I thought I could go as a professional tour player. How about Phil Mickelson? Good ol' Lefty would be a good one. All I have to do is make it to the end and...not win. Oof! Maybe not as good an idea as I thought.

John Daly...bingo! This has two options; the fat version or the not so fat version. I'll raid a trailer park for some threads, solicit a hooker and get s@#%-faced everywhere I go. On top of that, I'll wager butt loads of money frivolously anywhere that I can gamble it away. Wait, I think Daly doesn't drink anymore and just chain smokes now. Plus, I really don't have the extra cash to be betting with. Scratch JD off the list. Next!

Tiger, Tiger Woods y'all!!! Oh man, I'll whip everyones' ass and sleep with all the women while sporting the red and black Nike get-up. Sweet! Actually, I won't even be available for Halloween because I gotta show the new beer-cart girl my putter. You know, I want her to see how I sink my balls in-person. This has potential...a little risky but has potential.

I could always go a little old school with someone like Greg Norman. That would be pretty cool. Fake a Down-Under accent, rock a pimp hat (come on, his hat is one feather away from Huggy Bear's collection) and throw some shrimp on the barbie. G'day mate, it sure is a lovely day. Golf? What is that? Would yoos care ta try some of me wine? Or maybe not...

The hell with it! Being a pro golfer is unrealistic. I need something that is more...me. Something I can really relate to. A costume that fits my persona and allows for an easy transition into character. Now where did I put that Mr. T wig?

Hit'em long, yell FORE!!! Cuz' I pity the fool with no golf etiquette!

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You Know that Local Course You Love So Much?

I'm a public course man - my golf "high" comes from playing different places every week. But when you've played as many as I have, they all tend to blend together - fairways, greens and traps meld with each other as if they were all part of some impressionist painting - only when I step back and take-in the big picture do courses' most striking features reveal themselves.

But this time of year in the northeastern U.S., the golf season is winding down. Some of my golfing buddies have already stowed their clubs till spring. Even I find myself scaling back; playing 9-holes more frequently. And usually when I play 9-holes, it's at one place that I never forget about: Sleeping Giant Golf Course.

I think every town or region has a Sleeping Giant Golf Course. If it doesn't, it should. Sleeping Giant is the quintessential local 9-hole golf track: it's short, but not an executive layout. It's well-groomed but not Augusta. It's a confidence booster but taking risks can hurt you. The price is nice, but not pathetically nice.

Perhaps one asset the course has over some of its 18-hole brethren is its scenery. The course is nestled in the shadows of, well...the Sleeping Giant - a formation of hills that "resemble" a person sleeping on their back. Native tribes of the area used to call the Giant "Hobbomock" and thought it to be an evil spirit. Coupled with the Native American folklore, the Giant sets a dramatic backdrop to the course - especially this time of year, when he is ablaze with oranges, reds and yellows (see photo at top).

Despite being pretty close to civilization, Sleeping Giant Golf Course gives you the feeling that you're miles away from anywhere. Usually I'll arrive with one other playing partner (many times my dad, who's in his 70's and still playing) and we'll be paired up with other father/son or father/daughter combos. It seems no matter who you're paired with, or if you run into a wait on a particular hole (typically the 7th - a short par-4 where everyone goes for the green but ends up in the left woods) you still find yourself completely enjoying the round.

I had my first eagle at Sleeping Giant (dropped a wedge-shot from 125 yards); played the last two holes in the dark multiple times; and almost parred the course...twice - only to miss the same 4-foot putt both damn times on the 9th (a brief aside - typically I don't shoot anywhere near par, but I know this course so well, not-to-mention it's a relatively easy track, that if I'm on my game, I have a chance).

Sleeping Giant Golf Course embodies so many great little tracks out there. The PGA Tour (or even the Hooters Tour) will laugh at the notion of playing there; the Golf Digest or Golf Magazine top course lists will never give it a second thought (or even an initial thought); but you know it exists. And you love it. And that's all that matters.

If you reside where it's about to get cold; get in the car and go play that course (you know the one I'm talking about). Oh, and forget about your score and just enjoy - take a step back and take it all in...remember, this is why we play golf.

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The Christopher Columbus of Golf

In fourteen-hundred and ninety-two, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And found this land, land of the free, beloved by you, beloved by me.

Actually, I have no idea if those are the correct words. Everything after "blue" is pretty much a mystery. No one really seems to know the exact words. But that's OK, everyone knows the basic idea and the basis of the story.

But I want to look at things on a much smaller scale. We know, for the most part, what it was that Columbus brought to this country. But in the spirit of the holiday (a day which I do not have off from work by the way), I was interested in finding out who brought golf as we know it to this country. Who is the Christopher Columbus of golf? Well, on the 18-hole scale anyway, it's a man named Charles MacDonald.

First off, I was surprised to find that 18 holes of golf is a relatively new concept in the United States, especially considering its roots, according to some research, date back as far as the mid 1300's. But Charles MacDonald, who was born in Canada and raised in Chicago, is responsible for building the first regulation 18-hole golf course in 1893.

His story, golf-wise, starts in 1872 when at the age of sixteen he was sent to school in Scotland...so you can see where this is going. He took up golf, played as often as he could for two years, then moved back to the United States where he....did not continue to play golf.

By the 1880's, immigrants began bringing the game to the States. So in 1892, McDonald and his associates opened a nine-hole course known as the Chicago Golf Club. One year later, nine more holes were added and, boom!...the first eighteen-hole golf course in the United States was born. The course still exists today and is now know as Downers Grove Golf Course (The exclusive Chicago Golf Club moved to it's current location in 1895).

But bringing 18-hole golf to the United States is not MacDonald's only claim to fame. He is also largely responsible for the formation of the USGA and is a former vice-president of the organization.

Additionally, MacDonald took to golf course design. Looking to bring challenge and variety to golf courses here in the U.S., he took cues from his experiences in Scotland and designed several of the most noteworthy courses in the country. Included among these courses are, the Chicago Golf Club of course, National Golf Links of America, Yale University golf course and The Greenbrier. For his contributions to the golf world, McDonald came to be known as the "Father of American Golf Architecture."

So how about that? Eighteen hole golf courses are only 117 years old in the U.S. I don't know about you, but considering Europeans have consistently been coming to American shores for over 500 years now, I would have guessed the origins of American golf to be much older.

Good thing Charles MacDonald came around when he did. Had he not, our excuse to our spouses for getting out of the house on a Saturday would only cover half the time!

Swing 'til you're happy!

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El Significado del Golf

A precision club-and-ball sport, in which competing players (golfers), using many types of clubs, attempt to hit balls into each hole on a golf course while employing the fewest number of strokes.

A game in which a player using special clubs attempts to sink a ball with as few strokes as possible into each of the 9 or 18 successive holes on a course. - Merriam-Webster

A game played on a large open-air course, in which a small hard ball is struck with a club into a series of small holes in the ground, the object being to use the fewest possible strokes to complete the course. - Oxford English

So which is it, a game or a sport? Personally, I couldn't give a crap but I'm sure many beers, pretzels and peanuts have been consumed arguing over this barstool topic. I'd bet that debate eventually led into: "What's the difference between a sport and a game?" Which probably opened another can of worms: "Is golf a game or sport?" This could last many days and many kegs.

The three definitions or meanings of golf seem pretty blah though. When I think of golf and what it means to me, striking a small ball with a club into a hole in the ground is definitely not what crosses my mind. Unfortunately, the definition of golf as mentioned above (along with other sports and games), seems to suck the life right out of it.

The meaning that we carry with us is by far more vivid and significant. To some, golf means a chance to spend a morning or afternoon with their son, daughter, sister or brother. A chance to hang out with some buddies and relax. A way to raise money and awareness for a charity or cause. Golf could also mean a place where business deals are solidified. All in all, I'm certain more good has come from golf than bad.

Until now, I never really thought about the meaning of golf. After looking up the definition, it made we think about how much was left out. Is this what non-golfers see it as? Oh man, we need to clarify this and let people know the truth. Hey, will slicing that tee-shot into the woods suck? Yes, it will. Will that snowman you got on the par three chap your ass? Probably but, we are golfing and that means something other than just what the old dictionary says!

Hit'em long...Yell Fore! Spread the word.

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