"Are You Kidding, I Play For Fun!"

The words above were the actual words spoken by a guy I work with during our last conversation about golf. Such a simple statement, but yet so appropriate for the stinky golfer attitude. And it's funny because I thought I was a stinky golfer. But my co-worker has got me beat.

Now this guy, he's a married father of two. Monday-Friday are wrapped up in a relatively demanding job. His weekends are pretty much occupied by his wife and kids. Free time for him, apparently, is a rarity. So when he gets the chance to play golf, it's a luxury. It's a treat. It's his fun time, and he plans on having some fun!

He pretty much summed it up for me in that recent conversation. I was talking about the new golf shoes I had purchased, or more specifically, the reason I purchased them. "My shoes were terrible" I said. "My feet would be hurting by the 11th or 12th hole." He gave me a look that I can only describe as confused astonishment. "You walk when you play?" he said to me. I said that I try to as much as I can because it's good exercise. His response? "Are you kidding, I play for fun! Exercise! #$%& that!" I laugh, but for the most part I agree with him. He goes on to say, "I bust my ass and get tired all week! Why the hell would I want to do it when I'm supposed to be having fun?"

I started thinking about my answer to this question. Do I say that it's better exercise? No, I'm not out there for exercise. Do I mention how I can get a better "feel" for the course if I walk it? What am I a PGA pro?! I couldn't even explain how a course feels if I laid down naked in the middle of the 15th fairway. So I can think of no other response other than to agree with him. After all, I actually do agree with him!

So I begin to think to myself, how is this not my mentality? I want to play well, but I am also out there to have fun! Why am I exhausting myself? Why am I making stupid excuses? I work hard and get tired all week and it's no fun. I don't want to do the same things out on the golf course. I want to relax and enjoy myself. I don't want to get tired of the game. But if the game turns into work, that's exactly what's going to happen.

But now I wonder further, is this part of the reason I've had such a lax attitude toward the game this year? I didn't play nearly as much as I could/should have this year. The opportunities to play were there, I just didn't purse them. Is it because I'm looking at the game with the wrong attitude? Am I starting to look at the game with less fun than I used to? Did the idea of doing things to try to improve my game, such as the custom-fitted clubs and a balance bracelet, take some of the fun out of it for me and put more of a focus on improving my game? If so, then in my mind I'm heading in the wrong direction with this game.

I never wanted it to be this way. I just wanted to have fun. I didn't want it to become work. I didn't want it to become anything more than a good time with my buddies. I think I'm going to have to rethink my feelings toward this game. Is it possible that I've begun to take this game too seriously? No, that's not it. Maybe just a little more serious than I ever wanted to.

Swing 'til you're happy!

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I'm Swingin' In The Rain!

OK, so it doesn't quite have the same ring to it as "Singin' in the rain," but you get the picture. But as I look at the title now, I think to myself...nothing could be further from the truth.

I've mentioned before that I have certain weather conditions in which I will not play golf. One is when the temperature drops below 50 degrees. Also, when the temperature rises above 90 degrees, I'll skip the round. Although I will consider playing in the excessive heat as long as I'm riding. But as Stinky Golfer Greg and I are making plans for our next round, I look at the weather forecast and see there's a 60% chance of showers. But in my book, that's equivalent to a 60% chance that I'm not playing.

I understand there are plenty of golfers who will play in any weather condition. There can be a hurricane blowing through and they'll still be out there. But I'm not one of those guys, and I can't understand the rationale behind it.

The funny thing is, I'll go outside and play basketball in a light rain. I'll throw the baseball around with the boys even if it's drizzling a bit. As a matter of fact, I've even come to the point of argument to keep one of my softball games going in the rain! But when it comes to golf, forget it. I don't want to play in any type of rain. I even start getting leery if there's a chance of rain that day!

So what's my problem? Why will I play basketball, baseball and softball in the rain...but not golf? The only reason I can come up with is...money.

See, all of those other sports cost me nothing to play. But golf? I have to drop a few hard-earned bucks every time I want to hit the links. So if I'm going to spend my money to play this game, then why wouldn't I do it under optimal conditions if I have the choice?

Not too mention, the rain simply takes the fun out of the game. Trying to stay dry, dealing with an umbrella, wet hands and deteriorating course conditions all sound like a waste of money to me. It would probably be a different story if I was playing for free or being paid to play like a PGA Tour pro...but I'm not. As a matter of fact, it's exactly the opposite - I'm paying them! I feel like I'm wasting the money that I could just spend another time, and I just can't get past that feeling.

So as we get closer to our next day out on the course, I'll keep a close eye on the weather and hope for the best. But as Stinky Golfer Greg already knows...I can't make any promises.

Swing 'til you're happy...and stay dry doing it!

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Why Is Everyone at the Driving Range Miserable?

We're in the midst of little league baseball season for my boys. And while one is excelling all-around, the other is struggling a bit with the bat. So yesterday afternoon, we took a trip to the batting cages.

We worked on some things and, next thing you know, he's getting around on the ball and even putting a bit of a charge into a few. It was good work, and I'm hoping it carries over into his next game.

But one of the most fun things about going to the cages was getting in them myself. I don't care how old you are, it's always fun to get into the cage and see if you can still get around on some of those pitches in the fastball bay.

It wasn't until I stepped out of the batting cage and looked over at the guys out on the accompanying golf driving range; That's when I noticed something strange - I'm smiling and having a good time while they look miserable and pissed-off. But you know what, I understand that. I understand how they feel. I'm just going to come out and say it right now...practicing golf sucks.

You can argue with me, but let's be honest with ourselves. For most golfers, it's just not fun. As a matter of fact, it's almost like work, if not worse. Why is that? I mean, I can have a good time at the range (either indoor or outdoor), so why does everyone else at the range look so miserable? The only thing I can think of is that these guys take it too serious.

I can see these guys getting angry with themselves on poor shots...and that makes me laugh. Why? Well, it's simple really. If you aren't that great to begin with, then how can you get so angry at yourself when you hit a poor shot...especially at the range? Out on the course, you hit them pretty often. You're not a PGA pro, so what's the issue? I understand I'm not Albert Pujols, so I don't flip out when I swing and miss in the cage or hit a weak ground-out in softball. Same with golf - why would I get so angry about screwing up at the range when I stink out on the course? For the record, I don't get angry on the course either.

And that, as we have said many times here at Golfstinks, is the problem with so many golfers. They take the game way too serious. Serious to the point where they're taking all of the fun out of it. Now I'm not saying that we shouldn't all try to get better. Rather I'm saying we should all remember that it is just a game. You should have fun playing it.

Swing 'til you're happy!

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Introducing: The Stroke Clock!

Slow play. It's probably at the top of most golfers' complaint lists. Everyone is in such a hurry to get through the game that they can't stand to be held up for even a minute. But if everyone knows how much it burns other golfers, then why do they do it?

Many have brought up the idea that the it's the pros who cause the game to be played so slowly. I can understand that. Watching the pros at a tournament can be flat-out boring at some points. Taking an endless amount of practice swings, wandering around the ball for a little while, then taking a few more practice swings before they finally hit the ball...my goodness! Just wake me up when he's done already!

It's remarkable how much that sounds like the schmuck in front of you, isn't it? That's because the schmuck in front of you watches the tour and thinks he can/should do what they do. Well guess what slow guy...you can't and you shouldn't. And I'm not one to normally complain about slow play - I feel that if you're expecting to hurry, then you're playing the wrong game. But when someone is deliberately that slow..., you know what I'm getting at.

So in another effort to help improve viewership of the sport as well as, indirectly, improve the pace of play on the course for the rest us, I offer you another idea from the minds of golfstinks - The Stroke Clock. As you could probably figure, the stroke clock would work much the same as both the shot clock in basketball and play clock in football - You have X amount of time to get your shot off.

Think about that for a second. Another element of competition added to a sometimes pretty dull sport to watch. Not only are you playing against the field and the course, but now you are racing a clock as well! Some benefits to the clock? Well, picking up the pace of the game for starters. No more "play suspended by darkness." No more watching a player wander around his ball and take enough practice swings that you'd think he's in the middle of a lesson. Just get to your ball, focus and swing already!

And of course, the benefit for the rest of non-pros, speed of play on the public tracks we hack our way through every weekend is bound to speed up as well. All of those players who take their time because that's what they see the pros do, will have a whole new outlook on the pace of the game! Well, theoretically anyway. But one could hope!

The NBA adopted a shot clock in order to improve the pace of play, therefore increasing scoring and amping up the excitement of the game. The NFL did the same when they adjusted the play clock from 45 seconds down to 40. Even MLB occasionally attempts to speed up the pace of play by putting the pitchers on a clock. And there are penalties for not abiding by each. In the NBA, you lose possession of the ball. In the NFL it's a five-yard penalty. And in MLB, when enforced, it's an automatic ball for the pitcher. How about losing a stroke in golf if you don't get your shot off within 45 seconds of arriving at your ball? Seem a bit harsh? Well, maybe for a season they administer one or two warnings before assessing the stroke penalty. But after that season...you know the rules.

And lets face it, in a sport that has as many ridiculous rules as golf does, one to speed up the pace of play and possibly make the game more exciting might be one to consider implementing.

Swing 'til you're happy!

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What if You Could Play Every Round with a Pro?

So I'm hitting balls into the simulator at Dick's Sporting Goods a few months ago, trying to find a new driver (see story HERE). Anyway, the pro helping me (yes, Dick's hires PGA pros for their golf department) is named Ralph.

Ralph is a down-to-earth kinda guy and is completely amused that I write for a blog called Golf Stinks. After a few minutes of chatting, he begins telling me about an idea for an app he has - one where he can be (sort of) on the course giving advice to thousands of golfers all over the world at the same time.

This idea intrigued me and I told Ralph he should get busy developing said app. He agreed, I purchased my new driver and went on my merry way. Of course, I completely forgot about Ralph's app idea - until about two weeks later when I received an email from Ralph explaining he had gotten a developer and Golf Pro To Go was about to become reality.

You've gotta hand it to old Ralphie-boy. Not many people would be inspired by talking to someone who claims they stink at golf, but it appears I had some effect on Ralph to realize his dream app - and he didn't waste any time getting started.

Fast forward just a few short months and the Golf Pro To Go app is developed and on the iPhone app store - ripe for downloading at just $0.99 cents (Droid version is in development). But how does it work? Here's the deal: Golf Pro To Go asks you a series of questions, which, when answered, will explain exactly how you should play whatever shot you're faced with.

Let's say you're on the tee with the wind blowing right-to-left. There's a water hazard on the left side of the fairway and grass conditions are wet. A few taps taking less than 30 seconds will give you a text-book approach to hitting your shot: "Tee up on the left side of the tee box and aim down the right center. The right to left wind will push the ball left. With trouble to the left, choose your target far enough right to allow for the wind. Wet conditions will eliminate roll."

More complex shots are also covered (e.g. if the ball is above or below your feet or what the specific slope of the terrain is). You can also save shots - so, like me, when you're faced with the same approach (side-hill lie, from the rough) again on the next hole, you can easily tap right over and get a refresher on how to play from that position.

Sounds simple enough, but with golf, sometimes all you need is to regroup and refocus, and Golf Pro To Go helps you to do just that. Ralph is still tweaking some things though - there's no putting, chipping or trap play included in this version, but he assures me they're working on it for future versions. But for a buck, you really can't go wrong - it's worth the dollar alone just to give you a chance to breath and mentally prepare - all just by tapping through the shot you're faced with before you actually take it.

As a thank you for inspiring him to develop his idea into a reality, Ralph has agreed to give five Golf Stinks readers the app for free! Just email us HERE - first 5 to do so win!

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So What's Next, An Internet Golf Lesson?

If you're anything like me, you have a pretty busy schedule. Between a 45+ hour work week, three kids, my wife and and her busy schedule...I just don't have a lot of spare time on my hands.

Believe it or not, sometimes I don't even have time to play golf (even nine holes)! So the last thing I have the time (or money) for is a golf lesson! It may sound crazy, but I just don't have that extra hour to spare, especially at around $60 a pop.

I'll admit though, I don't really try to make the time for a golf lesson because, well...it's not really a high priority. I play golf for fun. Not to be a pro. I probably play softball more often than golf, but I've never considered hiring a batting coach! So why would I consider doing it for golf?

That being said, I would still like to play a little better. I would like to make that slice I have go away. I'd like to be a bit more consistent. But I sure don't want to pay a healthy chunk of my paycheck to do it. So where does someone like me turn? How about the same place people turn for just about everything else...the internet. Now I know what you're thinking - "How can you get a legitimate golf lesson on the internet?" I'll tell you how - quickly, easily, efficiently and inexpensively - that's how. And that's exactly what I found in my experience with www.fixyourgame.com/.

PGA Pro and Director of Instruction Brant Kasbohm has created a golf instruction website that is incredibly easy to use, very informative and amazingly affordable. All that's required is a video of your swing from both behind and face-on and $19.95. After emailing my video and filling out the "Get Started" page, all I had to do was wait, and the wait wasn't long. Less than 36 hour later, I had received an email back. Contained in the email was a breakdown of some of the problems with my swing (posture, weight transfer and swing path) along with potential fixes. Now I know what you might be thinking; you can't learn much from an email. I might as well have just picked up a magazine, right? Wrong.

Also included in the email were the videos I sent in, side-by-side with video of Brant himself, for the purposes of comparing my swing to his. I should mention, our swings are about as close as you can get to night and day. The personalized videos, complete with Brant's voice over, play like a tutorial rather than just simply watching a video of a proper swing vs. well, not a very good one. Brant breaks down my swing frame-by-frame to help point out exactly where I'm going wrong.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say, I've learned more about my swing in that 8 minute and 39 second video than from anyone, pro or otherwise, who has looked at my swing before. And when I take into consideration it took me no more than $20 and a few minutes to video my swing, www.fixyourgame.com is a no-brainer.

So if you're like me, you don't have the time or money, or you're just not that interested in getting a full-on lesson, then www.fixyourgame.com is an excellent site to check out. It's informative, inexpensive and takes very little time or effort on your part.

The following day, I had already started trying to work some of the fixes into my swing during a nine hole round. Let's just say its going to take some getting used to. But thanks to Brant and the team at Fixyourgame.com, I can tell I'm on the right path.

Swing 'til you're happy!

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Did Someone Say Golf Is Supposed To Be Fun?

We all recognize the golf course as a place for camaraderie, competition and challenge. But many of us also recognize the course as a place for memorable, humorous moments, jokes and some good old-fashioned ball-busting. Be it a one-liner after a wicked slice, a tee tossed just in front of a lined-up putt or an emphatic "Good luck!" an instant before the strike of the ball on the opening drive. Yup, the golf course offers up many memories just waiting to be made.

Now you hardcore golfers, who have it in your head that you're on some kind of tour, probably just read the previous paragraph and cringed. "Talking during the swing? Well I never..." That's because you never played with me and you're not part of our regular golfing circle. I pulled that crap just a couple of weeks ago with our co-founder, Stinky Golfer Tom (who, for multiple reasons, we have nicknamed "Dog"). Did he get angry? Nope. Did it ruin his round? No...Dog's round was ruined the minute he showed up to the course. What was Dog's reaction? A smile and a playful shove on his way back to the cart. Just what I would expect from Dog, which is why I know I can mess around with him. And several holes later, when I wasn't expecting it...payback. He got me with the same damn thing.

My point is, I'm not interested in hearing about your chip-in from the trap or your 35-foot putt. Ho-hum...happens all the time. I'm not going to remember your story anyway. But what I will remember is the joke someone made while walking down the third fairway. The following are some of the more humorous moments I have so far experienced in my relatively short golf career. I hope you enjoy these as much as I did at the time.

"Lost Balls"
Stinky Golfer Greg and I were playing 18 with an older gentleman, whose name has since slipped my mind. I can honestly say I remember absolutely nothing about the round except one unintended joke. The three of us were walking together down one of the fairways when we noticed a few guys from an adjacent fairway looking for their drives. The older gentleman spots the balls lying in the rough to the right of our fairway and promptly shouts at the top of his lungs..."Hey, looks like you guys lost your balls over here!" Now that's not the funny part. The funny part is, the "lost your balls" line obviously sparked a joke in the immature minds of both Greg and I. But not two or three seconds after this guy shouts out his helpful directions, he realizes what he said. He then quietly mutters "Lost your balls...listen to me...I'd better keep my mouth shut!" The joke isn't that funny to begin with. But when you hear it from a 70+ year-old guy after he realized he shouted it out loud across a couple fairways...it was priceless.

"Your Husband"
The first time I ever heard this insult, I almost peed my pants. Stinky Golfer Dog and I were paired up with a couple of other guys who, more or less, played the game the same way we play it. We all stunk, but we were having a good time. The jokes and insults were flying throughout the round. But when one of the guys left an 8-10 foot putt about a foot-and-a-half short, the other looked at him and without hesitation said..."Nice putt, maybe next time your husband can play with us." Years later, the joke now seems old and completely sexist. But back when I first heard it, I laughed out loud, as did Dog and the butt of the joke, like a little school girl. Good stuff.

"Which club you usin' Pete?"
Stinky Golfers Dog, Greg, Pete and I, for the first and likely only time, managed to drop all of our drives in a relatively similar position. So we're discussing amongst ourselves which club we're going to hit on our approach. But none of us asked Pete what he was going to use. So, not wanting to leave him out of the discussion, I decided to ask him myself. Thing was, Pete was in the middle of his backswing when I asked "Which club you usin' Pete?" He bounced his shot about 50 yards down the fairway, but hey...at least it was straight!

Looked like a path to me...
Dog and I took a cart out at some course somewhere. Dog hit a great shot onto one of the greens, but I sliced mine off onto another fairway. He tells me he'll walk up to the green so I can take the cart over to my ball. But the fairway in which my ball was lying was down a hill. I could follow the cart path down and around and backtrack to my ball, but I didn't want to hold up the group behind us. So I looked for a shortcut. Sure enough a few feet down the cart path was (what looked to me anyway) like a path down the hill. So I took a right turn and headed down. Big mistake. I realized too late that this hill was much too steep to be taking a cart down. I hit the brakes, but they were useless. I bounced my way down this hill like a rolling boulder and have no idea how the cart didn't split in two. Despite my flailing limbs as I desperately tried to hang onto the steering wheel, I notice a few guys, obviously pissed off, yelling in my direction. I saw their lips moving, but due to the creaking and banging of my cart, I couldn't hear a thing they were saying. But an instant later, I was at the bottom of the hill. So I took a quick left, headed to my ball and hit as quickly as I could. Once back up top, Dog looks at me and says..."Those guys we're pissed!" Honestly, it was a hell of a ride, but one I never meant to take.

"Do you guys see it?"
Dog and I (You may notice Dog in a few of these stories which is not just a coincidence) were playing a course with a guy we got hooked up with. We're on one of the tees standing behind Dog as he readies for his drive. Dog hauls off and takes one of his usual mighty swings. Laughter ensues. Me and this other guy are cracking up because, well, we've never seen anything like it. Dog must have hit the top of the ball just right because it popped up about knee-high and fell straight back down, almost landing back on his tee. But what me and this other guy are really laughing about is Dog, having no idea what happened, is staring down the fairway, hand over his eyes, asking "Do you see the ball? What's so funny? Where is it?" I laughingly respond "Look down you idiot." 'Nuff said.

"Not gonna say Fore!"
One time out on the course, Stinky Golfer Pete informs us he is not going to yell "Fore!" to warn other golfers of his incoming projectiles. Instead, he's going to try something new. So sure enough, a few holes out...here it comes. Pete launches one in the general direction of another foursome. Now, just so everyone knows, there was no chance at all the group was in any danger. The ball was really nowhere near them. But Pete, playing it safe shouts out his "Fore!" alternative. With his left hand raised, index finger pointed at the sky, wide-eyed and smiling...Pete shouts out..."Attenzione!!!"...and again..."Attenzione!!!" This episode happened six or seven years ago...and it hasn't gotten old yet.

There are so many more...probably some much funnier than what I have mentioned here. But I can't seem to remember them all. And whatever comes to mind, I can save those for another time.

I suppose I should also mention that I hope everyone reading this understands we mean no disrespect to the game, the courses, the etiquette or the other players. We just like to keep things loose. We like to keep the moments light. We would never do any of these things or make any of these jokes at what would be considered an improper time. But if you can't add a bit of fun to your rounds, then you simply have the wrong idea out on the course.

I'm going to go out on a limb and say...if you're reading this, then you likely have no chance of ever becoming a PGA Tour pro. So relax, have fun and keep things light. The game is a hell of a lot more fun that way.

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