Making The Cut

Never in my life have I ever see men acting like children as I did recently at a bar (actually, I guess it could be pretty easy to act like a child at a bar). But these guys were discussing their upcoming golf season and the foursome they want to play with.

They were so intent on excluding people and making sure this guy plays and this one doesn't - simply because they weren't good golfers. It was like that feeling you got at gym class when they are picking teams; you know, that "I hope they don't pick me last" feeling.

I wasn't even part of the conversation and I felt bad for the guy who was getting excluded. It was like a bad high school clique movie. The best part was that a couple of these gentlemen (and I use that term loosely) who were "calling the shots" weren't even good golfers themselves. I know because one of them was my neighbor and I've played with him. His nickname was Hack-a-saurus Rex.

The point I'm getting at is isn't golf supposed to be fun? That incident actually made me feel bad. Don't get me wrong, I completely understand the importance of playing with good company but when you are excluding people because of spite and childish reasons that's just stupid. The whole point of playing recreational golf is exactly that - recreation. I guess sometimes picking good company is playing in a one-some.

Golf is a challenge in and of itself already. Why make it tougher? Get out there and play. Don't worry about the score or who you are trying to impress. If you were meant to be a tour player you would be on tour.

Hit'em long...yell FORE!

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10 Things Golf Courses Get Wrong

I enjoy nearly all the golf courses I play...truly, I do. But there are some annoyances that make even a great course lose some of its luster. Here are a few of those annoyances:

When There's no Yardage Markers
Ever play a course with those 150-yardage polls in the middle of the fairways? I wish all golf courses used those. I don't mind the red, white and blue discs either - they're old school, but they do the trick. But when a course has no yardage markers, that just gets my goat. What am I supposed to do, count-out my paces to the center of the green and then walk back to my ball? Some courses use an ambiguous shrub as the 150 marker - which sort of works, until that one hole where you can't tell which little shrub is the marker: "I thought the little boxwood was the 150 but it was really the little pine tree - oh well, I only overshot the green by 30 yards."

When There's Not Enough Water Jugs
It's hot and it's humid. You arrive at the 3rd hole and there's a water jug waiting for you. You think; "Cool, this course has a water jug every few holes." But then you don't come to another one till the 16th. WTF? On like 11, you begin seeing water jug mirages. By the 16th, you can spot the water jug 50 yards away - calling to you like an oasis in the Sahara. Come on courses - get with the program! There needs to be at least 2 jugs per 9-holes - that's just common human kindness.

When You Need a Hammer to Get the Tee in the Ground
I've actually broken tees before trying to force them into the ground. Why is this even an issue? Water the freaking tee-box for crying out loud! There used to be this 9-hole track in my neighborhood that all the old timers would play. I kid you not - almost every one of them carried a rubber mallet in their bag to bang the tee into the ground on various holes. It got so bad they actually convinced management to replace some of the tee-box turf with driving range mats. Pathetic.

When it's Cart Paths Only
Why am I even taking a cart? Look, I understand the course wants to keep it's fairways nice, but cart path only is ridiculous. At least make it 90 degrees! Enough said.

When it's Carts Only
I know, I know - it helps speed up play on the weekends. But to force people to ride is a bit greedy, no? Most courses already charge more to play on the weekend anyway. But when they mandate carts on the weekend too, it just gives them the justification to jack the price up even further. If some golfers want to walk, they should be able to. If someone starts slowing up foursomes behind them, then have a ranger tell them to speed it up. Ah, but having a ranger out on the course costs money, whereas having a mandatory cart rule makes money...it all makes sense to me now.

When You Can't Call Ahead to Order Food at the Turn
Every course should do this. Is it too hard to put a menu on the 9th-tee (perhaps taped to the water jug) with the phone number of the 19th-Hole? It would help keep the pace of play moving if your food is ready for you when you make the turn.

When there's no 19th-Hole
Believe it or not, there are 19th-holeless courses out there. No beer, no wings, no hot dogs. Some of these courses will point you in the direction of the vending machines when you're hungry or thirsty. This is just unAmerican.

When Holes are Too Close Together
Either they didn't have enough room to build the course in the first place, or it's just poorly designed. But there's no reason to be ducking on the tee from balls headed to a green 10 yards to your left. I actually hit a guy with my tee-shot at a local mortar range some years ago because the holes were so close to each other. See my story HERE.

When There are Too Many Signs
Some courses have gotten so fed up with people getting hit (probably due to the holes being too close together); misusing carts; or trying to get golfers to follow the local rules; that they end up plastering signs all over the course. Not only is this an eyesore (see photo at top), but it's the last thing you want to see when you're just trying to have a nice day on the course. It's almost like they're yelling at you before you even tee-off. You know, this kind of stuff wouldn't happen if these courses accepted tee-times, paced them 7 minutes apart and had a ranger making sure things go smoothly out on the course. Ah, but having a ranger out on the course costs money, whereas plastering signs up everywhere is far cheaper...(why does this sound familiar?)

When the Customer Service is Poor
If I'm forking over my hard-earned cash to play 18, the last thing I want is some pro shop punk with an attitude or a grouchy starter. Sometimes it seems the staff's whole mission is to get you through 18-holes as fast as humanly possible so they can squeeze more groups in. Whatever happened to golf being a gentlemen's game? I'm not saying a bag boy needs to clean your clubs after the round, but a little hospitality would be nice.

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Introducing: The Stroke Clock!

Slow play. It's probably at the top of most golfers' complaint lists. Everyone is in such a hurry to get through the game that they can't stand to be held up for even a minute. But if everyone knows how much it burns other golfers, then why do they do it?

Many have brought up the idea that the it's the pros who cause the game to be played so slowly. I can understand that. Watching the pros at a tournament can be flat-out boring at some points. Taking an endless amount of practice swings, wandering around the ball for a little while, then taking a few more practice swings before they finally hit the ball...my goodness! Just wake me up when he's done already!

It's remarkable how much that sounds like the schmuck in front of you, isn't it? That's because the schmuck in front of you watches the tour and thinks he can/should do what they do. Well guess what slow guy...you can't and you shouldn't. And I'm not one to normally complain about slow play - I feel that if you're expecting to hurry, then you're playing the wrong game. But when someone is deliberately that slow..., you know what I'm getting at.

So in another effort to help improve viewership of the sport as well as, indirectly, improve the pace of play on the course for the rest us, I offer you another idea from the minds of golfstinks - The Stroke Clock. As you could probably figure, the stroke clock would work much the same as both the shot clock in basketball and play clock in football - You have X amount of time to get your shot off.

Think about that for a second. Another element of competition added to a sometimes pretty dull sport to watch. Not only are you playing against the field and the course, but now you are racing a clock as well! Some benefits to the clock? Well, picking up the pace of the game for starters. No more "play suspended by darkness." No more watching a player wander around his ball and take enough practice swings that you'd think he's in the middle of a lesson. Just get to your ball, focus and swing already!

And of course, the benefit for the rest of non-pros, speed of play on the public tracks we hack our way through every weekend is bound to speed up as well. All of those players who take their time because that's what they see the pros do, will have a whole new outlook on the pace of the game! Well, theoretically anyway. But one could hope!

The NBA adopted a shot clock in order to improve the pace of play, therefore increasing scoring and amping up the excitement of the game. The NFL did the same when they adjusted the play clock from 45 seconds down to 40. Even MLB occasionally attempts to speed up the pace of play by putting the pitchers on a clock. And there are penalties for not abiding by each. In the NBA, you lose possession of the ball. In the NFL it's a five-yard penalty. And in MLB, when enforced, it's an automatic ball for the pitcher. How about losing a stroke in golf if you don't get your shot off within 45 seconds of arriving at your ball? Seem a bit harsh? Well, maybe for a season they administer one or two warnings before assessing the stroke penalty. But after that season...you know the rules.

And lets face it, in a sport that has as many ridiculous rules as golf does, one to speed up the pace of play and possibly make the game more exciting might be one to consider implementing.

Swing 'til you're happy!

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Weekend Giveaways: Golf Genie & Golf Pro to Go

We here at Golfstinks like to giveaway stuff. We've handed out everything from free steak, to golf gift cards. Well, this weekend is no exception!

We've got two promotions going on at our Facebook page: One for Golf Genie and one for Golf Pro to Go!

Twenty lucky Golfstinks Facebook fans have already won the Golf Genie Practice Drills Pocket Guide (read our review) and there are 5 more to give away this weekend! All you have to do is make sure you've "liked" our Facebook page and you're automatically entered to win - We'll pick 5 random winners this Sunday evening!

Meanwhile, Golf Pro to Go (read our review of the app) is available on both the iPhone and Droid and we're giving away 5 codes to download the iPhone version free this Sunday evening! If you (or someone you know) owns an iPhone or iPod Touch, all you have to do to enter is go to our Facebook page and "like" this post on our wall there.

That's it! Head on over to our Facebook page and good luck!












Above: Golf Genie Practice Drills Pocket Guide; Below: Golf Pro to Go's home screen.

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Attention Public Golf Courses: Make Room for Judge Smails

Ready to trade-in that private club membership yet? No matter; there's a chance your golf course will do it for you. According the National Golf Foundation (NGF), 94 18-hole private courses switched over to public courses in 2010.

Compare that to only 22 that switched from public to private and you start to realize what the golf real estate boom of decades past (coupled with the current economy) has done to private golf clubs. What's more, public golf courses have increased in number in the U.S. nearly 6 percent over the last 10 years; compared to private courses, which have increased just 2 percent.

That being said, I'd like to take this time to welcome private club members to public golf course life. If your country club has been downgraded converted to a daily fee track, don't fret - there's still plenty of top drawer fun to be had. You just need to brush-up on some of your public golf course etiquette:

Firstly; Please take heed of the dress code: Collared shirts must not cost more than $30 and must never be tucked in. Shorts (I'm pretty sure long pants are forbidden) must not have little whales, ducks or other wildlife embroidered all over them. Also, wearing an ascot around your neck or sweater across your shoulders is an open invitation for a 9-iron enema...consider yourself warned.

Second; Please don't linger in the club house before or after your round. Range balls aren't free, so there's no reason to show up too early for your tee-time. And if you're not scoffing-down a bucket of hot-wings in the 19th-hole post round, then you probably should be driving home...after all, you should carve-out some time on the weekend to see your spouse and children.

Third; There's going to be a wait on a few holes and you need to remember to remain calm. Take a deep breath (bring a paper bag to breathe into if necessary). This anxiety will pass once you come to terms with the fact that the round is going to take longer than 3 hours. Also, while you're out on the course, you may get stuck behind a foursome that will appear to have never played golf before. Don't worry - this is the Tennis Shoe Crowd and they are a completely normal occurrence. Simply play through when they are all in the woods searching for their drives.

Let me think...are there any more tips? Well these are a good starting point. Remember, there's going to be an adjustment period, but don't let that discourage you. Playing on a public golf course is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, think of all the interesting people you will meet...like me! Just try to keep your chin up (not because you're depressed over losing your elite status, but because if the Tennis Shoe Crowd is teeing off, you don't want to get smacked in the face with an errant shot).

See you in April!

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Golf Simulators: Good Practice or Giant Video Game?

This past Friday night I got a text from Stinky Golfer Greg asking if I can hit the indoor range Saturday morning. Unfortunately, due to my kids basketball playoff schedule, I'm unable to commit to it because I don't know how far the team is going to advance, so therefore, don't know when I'll be free. We plan on trying again in a couple of weeks.

However, it turns out they don't advance very far, getting knocked out in the first round. This now frees up the afternoon. Still with the indoor range on my own mind, the kids remind me that I promised to take them to the indoor spot to use the golf simulator. So it looks like I'm going after all. I call ahead to make sure a tee time is available (yes...you need to make a tee time), and we're off.

Now I've used the simulator before, so it's not new to me. I take it as just an opportunity to get a little swing practice in. But for the kids...this is a giant video game! And after listening to their excitement and the way they are looking at it, I start to realize that their right. It's just a giant video game. But never did that become more apparent than when I absolutely crushed a beautiful drive off the tee to the tune of...156 YARDS?!

OK, I'm not saying I'm capable of hammering out 300 yard drives on a regular basis. But I certainly am capable of of driving farther than 156! So I put it behind me until it's my turn to tee off on the next hole. Once again, I hit it pretty solid. The result...163! What is going on??!! Now it's no longer a game. I realize this is pretty inaccurate and go back to focusing on my swing.

This experience got me wondering - Is the golf simulator a useful tool? Or is it just the giant video game my kids view it to be? I guess the answer is.., it's both. I'm not playing out on an actual course, so course and weather conditions never came into play. Also, you don't putt on the simulator, so my semi-normal three-putts never come into play either (you always one- or two-putt, based on distance from the hole). But at the same time, the inaccurate readings of distance certainly did force me to concentrate more on my swing. After all, I certainly can't allow a 10 and 12 year old to out-drive me!

In the end though, I got both a little bit of fun and a bit of practice out of the simulator. The inaccuracy of the simulator did force me to focus more. However, it was a rainy day in early March - not typical golfing season or weather...but there I was (according to the simulator anyway) in Myrtle Beach at Arrowhead Country Club (kids choice).

Oh yeah, and just to prove how inaccurate the simulator really is...I shot an 89. My twelve year old...a 91. And my ten year old....95 (including back-to-back birdies). In reality, I have never broken 90. But you know what? The three of us had a damn good time. And if it did something to keep their attention on the sport, even if it was just a video game, then that's just fine with me.

We swung 'til we were happy!

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Golf Libs

Yep, you got it! Mad libs Golfstinks style. If you don't know the rules, here's a quick breakdown:

1. Print this post (use "share" button at the bottom of the post).

2. Fill in the blanks with a corresponding word that matches the description (i.e. noun:____ = pen)

3. Finally, take what you have filled in the blanks with and fill the story in with the corresponding word.

4. (Optional) For killing time on a Friday afternoon: Print multiple copies, pass around the office, compare stories and LYFAO!

So, let's have a go at it...
noun:____
number:____
noun:____
adjective:____
noun:____

Holy (noun)! That drive must have been close to (number) yards. I really knocked the (noun) out of that (adjective) (noun)!

Are we having fun yet? That was just a little warm up for you. Here's one a tad more complex:

explicit adjective:______
noun:_____
explicit adjective:_____
noun person:_____
adjective:_____
noun person:_____
noun:_____
noun plural:_____
noun:_____
adjective:_____
interjection/exclamation:_____
verb past tense:_____
noun plural:______
famous golfer:_____
explicite adjective:_____
noun:_____

My (explicit adjective) (noun) breaks my (explicit adjective) balls every time I want to golf. She says it makes me angry and intolerable. So, I called up my good friend (noun person) and we hit the links. My first tee shot was so (adjective), I surprised myself. (noun person) was shocked too. "Man, I never see you hit your (noun) like that before." It must have been the new (noun plural) I just picked up. As we approached the (noun), I decided to use my (adjective) wedge considering it was so close. (interjection/exclamation)! I can't believe I (verb past tense) that shot up. These new (noun plural) suck! I tell myself to relax and think. "What would (famous golfer) do? With that in mind, I set-up the next shot. "You gotta be be (explicit adjective) kidding me...again?!?!" I was so mad I broke my (noun) and went home.

Maybe, my (explicit adjective) (noun) was right.

exclamation:_____

Hit'em long...yell (exclamation)!!!

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Analysis: What Makes a Golf Course Great

For the last year or so, Golfstinks has been collecting information on what makes a golf course great. We intend to apply what we've learned to the Golfstinks Golf Course Rating System, which will rank every course at the state/province level and at the national level.

Why would we want to do this? Well, for one, it would be cool to have rankings for every course, wouldn't it? Think about this scenario; You're traveling to a city and want to squeeze in a round of golf while you're there, but which course should you play? Just zip on over to Golfstinks.com's course search, filter by location and then sort by course rankings - voil�, instantly find the highest ranked course within your price range, pack the clubs and enjoy!

Anyway, we created a survey and posed some pretty basic questions, including "How often do you play?" and "How much do you typically pay for greens fees?" But the meat of our survey asked; "Of the following six criteria, which is most important to you?" Here are those criteria:

Difficulty

Layout

Grooming

Hospitality

Scenery

Price

Recently, the survey reached 100 responses (thank you)! We've taken those initial 100 responses and have begun looking at what you said about a great golf course experience.

Findings
First, let's take a look at who took the survey: That would be predominantly males (91%) between the ages of 50-59 (28%). The second most frequent age group was 30-39 (23%), followed by 40-49 (22%). These golfers predominantly play at public/muni courses (56%) and average 50 rounds or more annually (24%). It should be noted that 22 percent of the respondents average between 30 & 39 rounds annually, while 20 percent of them average between just 10 & 19 rounds annually.

Now onto the meat and potatoes: Of the criteria listed above (based on three possible answers: Very-, Somewhat-, and Not Important), most respondents (74 out of 100) chose "Layout" as a "Very Important" feature of their hypothetical great golf course. In addition, 71 chose "Scenery" and 69 chose "Grooming" as also "Very Important." This came as somewhat of a surprise to the Golfstinks team. We figured scenery and grooming would be very important to most golfers, but layout?

We then asked respondents to rank the six criteria in order of importance to them (which forced them to reveal what they felt would be the most important feature of a great golf course). As with the previous question, "Layout" again proved important - receiving the most top votes (26). Then something interesting happened: "Price" garnered the second-most top votes with 24 ("Grooming" and "Scenery" only received 17 and 15 top votes respectively, placing them 3rd and 4th). What's interesting about this is in the previous question, more respondents (49) felt "Price" was only "Somewhat Important" versus the 43 respondents that felt it was "Very Important." Even more interesting, 23 respondents said "Price" was least important to them (which is just one less than those who felt it was most important)!

Perhaps not surprisingly, course "Difficulty" is not very important. In fact, it received the most least important votes (33) of the six criteria. Meanwhile, many respondents (55) said "Hospitality" was "Very Important" to them. But when the next question forced them to rank it amongst the other criteria, it placed second-to-last.

Some discussion on the findings:
While an appealing course layout is a matter of personal style, it's clear golfers feel strongly about how a course is designed - even though individual opinions may differ from course to course (which makes it extremely difficult to establish what a good layout actually is). What we have learned is layout matters; and our ratings will reflect such.

Greens fees are another hard-to-guage area - it's either the end-all, or just an after thought. To a good chunk of the respondents (26), price is everything - so much so, that cost was more important to them than any other course attribute (e.g. they'd rather the course be inexpensive than beautiful). Perhaps the current economy played a role in their answers, but remember, the whole point of the survey was positioned as "what makes a golf course great" - despite this, price was still an important factor to many, which is interesting. BTW, it should be noted that most respondents (46) said they typically pay between $40 & $60 for greens fees.

Conclusions
What we liked about this survey was how the first two questions checked each other. While our first survey question (asking if the 6 criteria were Very-, Somewhat-, or Not Important) established what an off-the-cuff reaction would elicit, the second question forced people to really think about which criteria was most important to them. In other words, we could have just casually asked a bunch of random golfers what their dream course would offer, but they would have just said the same for everything (e.g. good grooming, good layout, good hospitality, good scenery, good price). By forcing them to rank those criteria, we can now better pin-point what ingredients make a golf course great.

The survey did have some issues we hope to fix going forward. For example, our custom age ranges cannot be cross-tabulated with those from the US Census Bureau. In addition, it may be beneficial to have a question asking what makes a good course layout.

Overall though, these results are a promising start to weighting our course rating criteria. The original survey can be seen HERE. Feel free to comment below on how we can improve on our survey.

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What If There Really Was A PGA Championship?

One of the greatest periods of time for a sports fan is just around the corner...March Madness. Pretty much everything about the tournament is exactly what sports fans are looking for. All the top teams, the upsets, the "Cinderellas" and, of course, the brackets.

The NCAA Tournament is one of the greatest ways to decide a champion of a particular sport. 68 teams get one game against a particular team. One shot to move onto the next round. Win six (or seven) in a row, and you're the champ. Anyone can play anyone. Perennial powers play the small schools...upsets happen. It's great!

Now what if this particular format was brought into the PGA Tour? What if a tournament billed as a "championship" actually was? What if there was a way to finish the season, without a ranking list or anything based on money, to determine a clear-cut champ? It sounds like the way to go if you ask me!

Wait...what? They already do this? The Accenture Match-Play Championship? How is this NOT the be all and end all?! This needs to replace the PGA Championship!

As it stands now, the PGA Championship is really just another tournament. OK, it's a major. But in effect, it's just another tournament. When I hear "championship," that's exactly what I expect it to be. It should take up two weekends and should determine an actual champion! So in another attempt to come up with ideas to make viewership and interest in this sport greater, I propose the fourth major to be held at the end of the season and be renamed The PGA Tournament Championship.

Think about that. You take the top 64 golfers in the world and pair them up by seed - #1 vs. #64, #2 vs. #63, etc., just like the Match-Play Championship. The tournament is held over a four day span as usual. However, by the time Sunday afternoon rolls around, only four golfers remain - The Final Four. The following weekend, the final four matchup. Thursday and Friday could be two one-on-one matchups, aggregate score wins each. Saturday and Sunday, the two remaining seeds face each other in the actual championship, again with aggregate score winning. I don't know about you, but this sounds like a winner to me!

I'm not sure exactly how you figure out the seedings - World Golf Rankings, PGA Tour money list, who knows. Hey, it's not perfect and would need to have some details hammered out. But its got its strong points. For starters, it's an actual Championship in the truest sense of the word. It's exciting - every matchup matters. And perhaps just as important (and the PGA would probably never want to admit it but it's true), is the gambling aspect. Bringing in a bracket system for fans to fill out like the NCAA basketball tournament creates even further meaning for fans. Now, every fan has a vested interest in the tournament.

The more I think about it, the more I feel it's a winner. A tournament such as the match-play championship belongs at the end of the season, and a tournament set up as such deserves not only to be a major, but to be THE major.

Every sport needs a championship game. Golf is no different. Who wants a #1 player based on some ranking system, or worse yet, based on earnings! Battle it out on the course. In the end...the one true champion will be the one still standing.

Swing 'til you're happy!

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What If You Could Never Golf Again?

There are a lot of things I take and have taken for granted. There are simple things in life that I overlooked and never really was thankful for. My health (for starters) is something that never really posed any problems. Generally speaking, it's been pretty normal and participating in all types of activities was never an issue.

Recently, a visit to the doctor's office (for a sinus infection mind you) uncovered another potentially dangerous problem and put a lot of stuff into perspective...quickly. The doc told me to lay off anything physically exerting for a while. Now, now...don't worry I'll be fine and back to normal in no time. What got me thinking was; What if I never went for that doctor's visit?

I'm not getting any younger (or handsome-er) and I really look forward to hacking up the course whenever I can. This was something that got me thinking - "Holy S%#@, I could have screwed myself good." I don't know what I would do if I couldn't play golf or engage in other physical activities. It's time to really take a look at what I've got and be thankful.

What's planned for the future? More golf and more gratitude. After further reviewing the situation at hand, I don't want to hang up the sticks and miss out on any great memories or stories or the elusive hole-in-one (yet to be had). So, I'll be thankful, take care of what needs to be done and be there when golf season opens.

Hit'em long...yell FORE! See you on the course...

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POLL: Ever Broken A Golf Club in Anger?

Perhaps one of the greatest feelings I ever got when using my putter was when I broke it in half. Is that bad?

Some years ago, I was hacking my way through the back 9 of a local course. I had been struggling with my putter throughout most of the round and by the time I teed-off on the 16th, the rest of my game decided to head on over to the 19th-hole for a few beers without me.

Anyway, after planes, trains and automobiles to get to the green, I promptly 5-putted (I swear the freakin' hole was wearing a chastity belt). I ended up taking a 12.

Without even thinking, I immediately snapped my putter in half across my knee. A few seconds later I was rife with regret. But for that fleeting moment while I was actually in the act of breaking the club, I felt invigorated. You know that one moment on the course that keeps you coming back for more? You could be playing wretchedly all round and then you hit that one shot that inspires you to play again the next week? Well, my moment of inspiration to play again came from me breaking my putter across my knee.

Not long after, I was at a PGA Tour event and watched one pro (I forget who now) also break his putter across his knee after putting-out on the 18th (he was smart to do it on the last hole...I had to putt with my 3-wood the rest of the way). Anyway, I remember this pro holding up the broken putter to wild cheers from the gallery. And that's when it hit me - maybe I shouldn't regret what I did?

I haven't broken a club on purpose since, and really, haven't seen anyone else break one either. But I don't think I can say I'll never break one again - when I'm having one of "those" rounds, it may just be the medicine I need to help me get back out there ASAP.

How about you? Have you ever broken a club in anger? Take the poll and let us know.

Have you Ever Broken a Golf Club on Purpose?

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