Attention Public Golf Courses: Make Room for Judge Smails

Ready to trade-in that private club membership yet? No matter; there's a chance your golf course will do it for you. According the National Golf Foundation (NGF), 94 18-hole private courses switched over to public courses in 2010.

Compare that to only 22 that switched from public to private and you start to realize what the golf real estate boom of decades past (coupled with the current economy) has done to private golf clubs. What's more, public golf courses have increased in number in the U.S. nearly 6 percent over the last 10 years; compared to private courses, which have increased just 2 percent.

That being said, I'd like to take this time to welcome private club members to public golf course life. If your country club has been downgraded converted to a daily fee track, don't fret - there's still plenty of top drawer fun to be had. You just need to brush-up on some of your public golf course etiquette:

Firstly; Please take heed of the dress code: Collared shirts must not cost more than $30 and must never be tucked in. Shorts (I'm pretty sure long pants are forbidden) must not have little whales, ducks or other wildlife embroidered all over them. Also, wearing an ascot around your neck or sweater across your shoulders is an open invitation for a 9-iron enema...consider yourself warned.

Second; Please don't linger in the club house before or after your round. Range balls aren't free, so there's no reason to show up too early for your tee-time. And if you're not scoffing-down a bucket of hot-wings in the 19th-hole post round, then you probably should be driving home...after all, you should carve-out some time on the weekend to see your spouse and children.

Third; There's going to be a wait on a few holes and you need to remember to remain calm. Take a deep breath (bring a paper bag to breathe into if necessary). This anxiety will pass once you come to terms with the fact that the round is going to take longer than 3 hours. Also, while you're out on the course, you may get stuck behind a foursome that will appear to have never played golf before. Don't worry - this is the Tennis Shoe Crowd and they are a completely normal occurrence. Simply play through when they are all in the woods searching for their drives.

Let me think...are there any more tips? Well these are a good starting point. Remember, there's going to be an adjustment period, but don't let that discourage you. Playing on a public golf course is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, think of all the interesting people you will meet...like me! Just try to keep your chin up (not because you're depressed over losing your elite status, but because if the Tennis Shoe Crowd is teeing off, you don't want to get smacked in the face with an errant shot).

See you in April!

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