These Raisins Put it Down the Middle Every Time...

I have a new favorite commercial. You have to hand it to Heineken; despite not being a particular fan of their product (I'm more of a Belgian beer guy), they have some great advertisements.

The most recent series of ads (featuring a couple of 30-ish guys who win the lotto and move to a retirement community in Florida to live the "easy life") are, in my opinion, the best commercials out there now (I will literally stop fast-forwarding the DVR and rewind to the beginning of the spot so I can watch the full 30 seconds).

The latest in the ad series has the guys on the golf course, teeing-off with their new retiree pals. The opening line: "Wanna learn how to play golf? Play with old guys. These raisins put it down the middle every time" is not as much a slam on old guys as it is showing them respect. Mr. 30-something explains that since one of his new geriatric buddies (a former WWII sniper) slowed down his swing, he's adjusted to a "more mature game."

He effortlessly smacks one down the fairway. Another retiree uses his range-finder to gauge the distance - he enthusiastically announces, "156!" It's at this point when I begin chuckling uncontrollably - much to the chagrin of my wife, who is next to me on the couch. "I don't get it." she says. I try to explain how older-types hit it short but straight and how that usually bests the younger guns, who typically spray it like they're dousing the rough with DDT (of course, I first have to explain to her that 156 yards is not very far for a tee-shot).

Being a non-golfer, my wife still finds it humorless. But this is what I love about that commercial - it's not just an ad that features golf, but an ad geared toward golfers - anyone who doesn't play doesn't get it.

I've posted previously about my great uncle (coincidentally, also a WWII vet) who would usually beat me despite my ability to out-drive him by 60 yards or more. No matter how addicted we are to distance, a slower swing usually results in more consistent scores.

So here's to all the golfers out there with senior-flex shafts and a more "mature" game - I'll meet you on the green...right after I walk through poison ivy, shank one off a tree trunk and check myself for ticks.

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What's Ailing Ya?

In any activity that requires some sort of physical output, also lies a risk of injury. It just so happens that golf falls into this type of activity.

After doing some searching, I found the most common injuries in golf* and was surprised by some on the list. Actually, I've never even heard of some...please excuse my ignorance.

1. Back Pain (this, I understand)

2. Tennis...ahem...Golfer's Elbow

3. Shoulder Pain

4. Carpal Tunnel

5. DeQuervain's Tendinitis - pain in the wrist near the base of the thumb caused by an inflammation in the tendons that control the thumb.

6. Knee Pain

7. Trigger Finger - caused when the flexor tendon sheath, through which the finger tendons run, is inhibited.

8. Wrist Impaction Syndrome - caused when the bones of the wrist bang into one another due to excess or repetitive movements. Ah ha! I know this one...you can get it other ways too...

9. ECU Tendon Sublaxation - caused when the sheath holding the wrist tendon begins sliding in and out of its groove.

10. Fracture of Hamate Bone - a small bone on the pinky side of the wrist. Don't worry Cooter, this has no affect on your bright shiny future of Ham Bonin'.

Now, this also had me thinking about some of the strangest injuries I have experienced or witnessed in the past twelve or so years on the course. It never ceases to amaze me how some of these actually occur. For example, I was walking towards the green from the fairway and in an effort to go over the the rope barrier (signifying where carts are not allowed), I trip. Here's the kicker, somehow the wedge I had in my hand swings up and connects with my ear. Yeah, not too pleasant...WTF!

One of my favorites was when a buddy of mine couldn't get his P wedge to work for the life of him. Either he would flub 3 or 4 chips in a row or skull the crap out of a ball and send it fifty yards over the green. By the 8th or 9th hole, he had enough (if you looked hard enough, you could see steam was coming out of his ears). In a fit of rage, he swung his club baseball style connecting with the rear post of the cart (that supports the roof) bending the wedge in half and with some ridiculous wrap around action, the head comes back to hit him square in the elbow. I still laugh about it.

Hit'em long...Yell FORE!! (oh, and be safe).

* Dr. Larry Foster - "Dr. Divot's Guide to Golf Injuries"

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3-D Golf Swing System Helps Wounded Warriors

Back in March, I posted about how one man was able to help troops cope with life on the battle front by donating used golf balls and clubs. These service men and women use this equipment on make-shift driving ranges in Iraq and Afghanistan to help relieve stress and unwind. I'm happy to report that recently, the organization donated its one millionth club!

But what about the troops that have come home? Well there's a grassroots movement from a small group called "Wounded Warrior Golf" that is working with Taylor Made to help wounded vets make rehabilitation more fun...by swinging a golf club.

The group is using 3-D motion capture swing analysis to help service men and women get back their full range of motion:

Using the high resolution system that helps Tour players and amateurs alike see their swing with 1/10 degree accuracy, we can show disabled Veterans how they are moving. The built-in biofeedback capability can then be used to help them move more efficiently.

Wounded Warrior Golf is donating a portion of the proceeds from this 3-D golf project to Quality Life Plus (QL+), an organization that "fosters and generates innovations to aid and improve the quality of life for those injured in the line of duty."

Now the guys over at Wounded Warrior Golf are looking for a little publicity to help with their first charity golf tournament. The tourney (which is being held at the Harmon Golf and Fitness Club near Boston) is taking place on October 4th, with 100% of the profits going to QL+.

They still need a few golfers, but if you don't live in the New England area, they could use donations too. Check out the golf tournament page on their site to help. It just feels right anytime you can use golf to help others...and helping our returning vets seems pretty right to me.

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The Process Of My Custom Club Fitting

About two months ago I talked about getting fitted for clubs. Well, I did it. And after quite a bit of a delay from a certain club manufacturer, I received them. Further, I've even played with them! But one nine-hole round certainly doesn't constitute enough playing time to make a proper judgement as far as the difference between my old "off-the-shelf's" and the newbies. So I'll have to get out a few more times before I can really make a fair comparison.

But in the meantime, many have asked me about the actual process of the club fitting. Was it hi-tech? Did they video your swing? Did they measure your swing speed? Did they hook you up to computers? Well, the answer to all of those questions is, simply, no.

Rather, the pro and I went outside. Can you believe that? We actually went outside...where golf is actually played! He took me over to the driving range, handed me a 6-iron and had me smack a few balls. After watching me hit a few, he threw some tape on the bottom of the club head, dropped a board on the ground and had me hit a few more off of that. After about three or four swings, he took the club and showed me the tape. Ah-ha! Now I see part of the reason I stink at this sport! I could see which part of the club-head was hitting the ground....and it was not the part that's supposed to be hitting.

So we swapped some differently angled club heads, taped those up and hit a few more. We combined the club head swaps with some different types of shafts (steel, graphite, stiff, regular) and before you know it, I had something in my hand that felt quite comfortable.

I say "before you know it," but that's not how it felt at the time. This process went on for about an hour or so. After non-stop swinging (for the most part) on the range for that long...I was wiped! I mean, it felt like I took more swings on that range than I would possibly take in two rounds! But, even though I have yet to have enough time to see if it was beneficial, I feel this was well worth it.

See, I could have watched my swing on video. I could have measured my club-head speed. I could have been hooked up to a computer and I could have stayed inside and hit balls into a net eight feet in front of me like in the picture above. Thing is, I've done all of those things before. And other than a recent swing video analysis, which you can read about here, they've gotten me next to nowhere. I could have done them all again, but what would that have gotten me had I not seen the end result of my swing?

Any of us can hit a ball straight for eight feet. What does that tell me? What matters is what the ball is doing 170 yards down the fairway. And by being out on an actual range, I can see exactly what that ball is doing. After all...do you really give a crap how fast you swing? You shouldn't. What you should care about is having the proper club for that swing and the end result. I don't care if I swing 95 mph or 125 mph, as long as I have the right club for the job.

One of the questions I am also asked is, "How much did it cost?" Thanks to the hook-up from my wonderful wife, I didn't pay a cent. So I have no idea what it would have cost. However, upon doing some research, I see people pay as little as $20-$30 for a fitting. For that price, it's well worth it. But there's always that other end of the spectrum.

As I may have mentioned before, one thing I will never understand about golfers is the amount of money many are willing to spend in order to try to make themselves better players. Doing that same research, I have seen that some are willing to fork over $400 for a club fitting! $400?! How much more are you getting than what your local pro can offer you for a small fraction of that price, if not free? Some people just take this game way too seriously. But, I guess if you have the money, then good for you.

So like I said earlier, I'm going to need a few more rounds before I can make an accurate judgement as to how beneficial a custom fitting really is. But as of now, I'm going to say I'm quite satisfied so far. My new clubs feel nice in my hands and nice during my swing. During my first time out with them, I felt like I hit the ball more solidly. My score didn't reflect it, but it feels like I'm headed down the right path. We'll see if that keeps up a few rounds from now.

Swing 'til you're happy!

Related Posts:
Custom Fitting Golf Clubs: Worth It?
Judging My Custom-Fit Clubs

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A Golf Mecca In The Sunshine State.

Whenever someone mentions Orlando Florida, I'm sure a certain fictional group of cartoon animals may come to mind. Don't get me wrong, with all due respect to Mickey & Co., they're not the only show in town. Orlando boasts some serious golf too! Shoot on over to a great site for Orlando golf courses and see for yourself at orlandogolf.com.

Rumor has it that a golf legend can be seen regularly teeing-it-up at his Orlando based Bay Hill Club and Lodge. Still not sure who it is? I'm pretty sure you'll recognize the name: Arnold Palmer. Now, you might be thinking that Mr. Palmer's tour level course could be too much too handle. Don't worry, the David Leadbetter Golf Academy world headquarters is just a hop, skip, jump and short car ride away. So get your golf game on!

"Well, I don't really have $200 to spend on a round." Not a problem, on the site, you can search for multiple Orlando tee times and check out bunches of great courses that fit all budgets! That's what I'm talking about; great courses without exorbitant greens fees. And who would have thought that Greg Norman, Tom Fazio and the "U.S. Open Doctor" Rees Jones (to name a few) all contributed to these courses?

So, if you're sitting there looking for a nice golf getaway, check out the site's Orlando golf packages and special deals. Come on, you deserve a little R&R - oh and winter is right around the corner too! Hit'em straight!

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Useful Excuses to Get Out and Golf

A couple of people I know seem to have a tough time with their significant other when it comes to playing golf. I don't know if there is a jealousy, separational anxiety or trust issue that prevents them from golfing but for whatever reason, their partner doesn't approve.

I'm sure we've all heard it before; If you have time to golf, you have time to _________. You can fill in the blank with any non-golf related activity. I'm starting to think there is a secret anti-golf organization that strives to deter us from playing.

The title says "Useful Excuses", sorry about the mix-up. I meant to say an orally communicated fictional rendition of what will transpire. Basically, a good ol' fashion lie. Oh please, like you never done that before. If elected officials do it, so can I. I pay my taxes. Moving on, here's a little list of some creative and personal favorite tales to improve the chance of making that tee-time. Just fill in the blanks with names or places.

1. Hey Honey, you know ______ is really going through a tough time with/at ______. I think this Saturday morning ______ will really appreciate if we hang out for a while. Maybe go to lunch too. You know, to get his/her mind off _____.
* This is a common one but classic nonetheless. Some set-up could be required depending on how gullible your other half is. i.e. A phone call a day or two before the round, from the above mentioned person in distress, to lay the phoney baloney foundation for you to build on.

2. Wow! Check this out, _______ is really sucking on the tour this year. If I get out there and practice there's a chance I could qualify and make some big money. You know, to pay off the bills and finally get you that ______ you always wanted. You deserve it...
* Timing and delivery is crucial with this one, as well as, a huge set of brass balls. Pull this off and we're talking B.S.'er Hall of Fame material.

3. You know that whole global initiative to go green? Turns out _____ and _____ from work have put together this nature walk on Saturday morning. The big boss is going to be there and I think this will be a great opportunity for me to impress him/her. You know, really ace it.
* Technically, a round of golf requires some walking in natural environments therefore possibly making this fable non-fiction. There, I feel better already.

You get the idea. Use these or get the creative juices flowing and develop your own. Whatever it takes, we need to stick together and help each other to do what we love - hack up the course.

Hit'em long...yell FORE!!!

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Proof I Joined the USGA (unpacking photos)!

Back at the end of April, I posted on how I may actually fork over my $10 to become an official USGA member. One of the things we pride ourselves on here at Golfstinks is we don't BS folks.

That being said (and to show I'm not a cheap bastard), I'd like to offer some proof I indeed joined the USGA. I have to tell you, I was more excited than I thought I would be when the package arrived at my doorstep. Now I realize I poked fun at the amenities one receives upon obtaining membership (the rule book I don't need since I have the app, the God-awful US Open hat, etc.).

But much to my surprise, I did enjoy emptying the contents of the package to reveal my "officialness" to this legendary organization (OK, maybe they missed the apostrophe and capital "A" in my name...no big deal). But besides the enclosed goodies, I can take comfort in knowing I've helped support golf at the grassroots level.

Below are the unpacking photos and I must admit, the hat (though it's going straight to my father) is not as bad as I thought. I'll pass along the rule book to someone who doesn't have the app version, and I know in my original post I mentioned those USGA bumper stickers - well guess what? No more stickers! One photo of note is the "tips" on the back of your name tag (it appears slow play is the biggest issue with golf today)...










If you haven't already, consider USGA membership - if not for the amenities, for how it helps the game.

Related Posts:

Is USGA Membership Worth It?

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A Thank You to Golf Stinks' Fans & Readers

You may have noticed we have a new promo running over at the right-hand side of the page. Back at the beginning of June, Stinky Golfer Greg wrote a post about the Golf Genie pocket guide where he stated, "Golf Genie has found permanent residence in my golf bag."

From easy-to-digest tips on straightening-out your slice or hook, to simple diagrams that help you get back to the basics for your grip or swing, the Golf Genie pocket guide is an invaluable on-course tool for both golf beginners and veterans alike.

Now, Golfstinks has partnered with Golf Genie to help give back to our fans and readers - We're giving away 5 Golf Genie pocket guides a week for the next 10 weeks! The Golf Genie pocket guide retails for $15, but 50 lucky winners will get to own the best golf swing and shot-making guide on the market for free!

So, how do fans of Golfstinks get a chance to win one? Easy: Simply "Like" our Facebook page and that's it! Be sure to revisit our FB page every week because we'll be announcing 5 random winners weekly from now till the middle of October!

We appreciate all the support you've given us during the first year of our blog, so consider this just a little thank you from us. Good luck and enjoy!

-The Golfstinks Team

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So What's Next, An Internet Golf Lesson?

If you're anything like me, you have a pretty busy schedule. Between a 45+ hour work week, three kids, my wife and and her busy schedule...I just don't have a lot of spare time on my hands.

Believe it or not, sometimes I don't even have time to play golf (even nine holes)! So the last thing I have the time (or money) for is a golf lesson! It may sound crazy, but I just don't have that extra hour to spare, especially at around $60 a pop.

I'll admit though, I don't really try to make the time for a golf lesson because, well...it's not really a high priority. I play golf for fun. Not to be a pro. I probably play softball more often than golf, but I've never considered hiring a batting coach! So why would I consider doing it for golf?

That being said, I would still like to play a little better. I would like to make that slice I have go away. I'd like to be a bit more consistent. But I sure don't want to pay a healthy chunk of my paycheck to do it. So where does someone like me turn? How about the same place people turn for just about everything else...the internet. Now I know what you're thinking - "How can you get a legitimate golf lesson on the internet?" I'll tell you how - quickly, easily, efficiently and inexpensively - that's how. And that's exactly what I found in my experience with www.fixyourgame.com/.

PGA Pro and Director of Instruction Brant Kasbohm has created a golf instruction website that is incredibly easy to use, very informative and amazingly affordable. All that's required is a video of your swing from both behind and face-on and $19.95. After emailing my video and filling out the "Get Started" page, all I had to do was wait, and the wait wasn't long. Less than 36 hour later, I had received an email back. Contained in the email was a breakdown of some of the problems with my swing (posture, weight transfer and swing path) along with potential fixes. Now I know what you might be thinking; you can't learn much from an email. I might as well have just picked up a magazine, right? Wrong.

Also included in the email were the videos I sent in, side-by-side with video of Brant himself, for the purposes of comparing my swing to his. I should mention, our swings are about as close as you can get to night and day. The personalized videos, complete with Brant's voice over, play like a tutorial rather than just simply watching a video of a proper swing vs. well, not a very good one. Brant breaks down my swing frame-by-frame to help point out exactly where I'm going wrong.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say, I've learned more about my swing in that 8 minute and 39 second video than from anyone, pro or otherwise, who has looked at my swing before. And when I take into consideration it took me no more than $20 and a few minutes to video my swing, www.fixyourgame.com is a no-brainer.

So if you're like me, you don't have the time or money, or you're just not that interested in getting a full-on lesson, then www.fixyourgame.com is an excellent site to check out. It's informative, inexpensive and takes very little time or effort on your part.

The following day, I had already started trying to work some of the fixes into my swing during a nine hole round. Let's just say its going to take some getting used to. But thanks to Brant and the team at Fixyourgame.com, I can tell I'm on the right path.

Swing 'til you're happy!

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I Got Your AZ Right Here!

A hundred ten in the shade is sorta hot, but you don't have to shovel it off your driveway. ~Author Unknown

Can you believe it's mid-August already? No, really! Check your calendar if you don't believe me. Before you know it, you'll be packing up your clubs and starting your holiday shopping. Ridiculous, right? It's true...the older you get, the faster time seems to go by. We get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of everyday life, we often forget to take some time out for ourselves. But I'll tell you who has the right idea - the snowbirds.

You know the snowbirds. The minute the weather starts to change during autumn, or that certain date on the calendar arrives, they head south faster than a 2008 stock portfolio. We northern golfers could learn something from these people. After all, once golf season is gone for us, all we can do is sit and wait for it to roll around again in the spring.

But before we trade in that driver for a snow shovel, maybe we should consider extending the golf season a little. Maybe we should become snowbirds ourselves. Maybe a trip to the picturesque southwest. Maybe you could get started at ArizonaGolf.com.

It wasn't long ago when Stinky Golfer Carlos let us know that late in the year is the perfect time to be golfing in Arizona. The temperatures are dropping into the double digits, greens fees are low...what more could you ask for on a golf trip? Well, how about some great courses? Lucky for you, there is great golf aplenty in Arizona which boasts seven courses on Golf Magazine's Top 100 You Can Play list (second only to California's ten).

So what are you waiting for? Head over to ArizonaGolf.com and get started on extending your golf season. With so many fantastic destinations packed into one state - Scottsdale, Tuscon and Phoenix to name a few - the only question should be where to begin.

Swing 'til you're happy!

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Golf Stinks Top Blog Posts EVER!

So we here at Golfstinks have been posting this crap for a whole year now. For us, it seems like just yesterday we started this blog (of course it may feel like too long for you) but nope, our first post was on August 14, 2009 - one year ago tomorrow.

Anyway, in celebration of a year's worth of unorthodox golf insight, content and opinion, we felt a mighty THANK YOU was in order to all those who spend a smidgen of their day reading our prose. Seriously, y'all inspire us and are very much appreciated.

As a thank you, we've decided to repost all your favorites - our top 5 all time blog posts (based on page hits). Enjoy.

#5

Pimp my Golf Cart - Stinky Golfer Pete pulls together an awesome collection of tricked-out golf cart photos...plus, he tells you where to get one of your own!

#4

Is USGA Membership Worth It? - After years of trashing his annual membership form, Stinky Golfer Greg explains why 2010 may be the year he finally joins the USGA!

#3

Do you Play Golf by the Rules? - Stinky Golfer Chris unearths a few of the more "interesting" rules in golf!

#2

Male-Only Golf Clubs; Sexist Bastards or Constitutional Right? - Stinky Golfer Greg opens up a can of worms with this post on the rights of private clubs vs. the sentiments of the 21st-century.

#1

Hey, Do you Want to Make this Round More Interesting? - Hey, betting makes everything better! That being said, Stinky Golfer Chris takes a look at some of the more popular golf betting games.






So here's to another year of complaining about a game we thoroughly suck at, yet still love with all our hearts.

Hit 'em High, Hit 'em Far, Yell Fore.
-Golfstinks Team

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Silly Golfers, Smoking is for Criminals

You may remember Michael Jordan was photographed smoking a cigar at the Presidents Cup during a practice round last October. The photo caused a bit of a stir because public smoking is banned in San Francisco - a law that extends to include the golf course they were playing on; Harding Park.

There was much hoopla in the media surrounding Jordan's law-breaking stogie (of which he was not asked to fork over the $100 fine). But not questioned by the media, and perhaps an obvious follow-up to the story is; Why are people in vast outdoor areas banned from smoking in the first place?

I just returned from a trip to New Mexico. Being rather dry, New Mexico is susceptible to brush fires. And in particularly dry seasons, I've had to do without a cigar on some its most gorgeous courses. I understand this completely and have no problem capitulating.

But over the last few years, some towns and counties have implemented no smoking bans on public courses due to health issues such as second-hand smoke. These places include San Francisco (as mentioned above) Glendale and Pasadena, CA; Hawaii County, HI; Bloomington, MN; Goshen, IN; Abilene, TX; and Arvada, CO.

An article in USA Today last year highlighted the Hawaiian law in particular was being largely ignored. Meanwhile, golfers in other towns were taken-back by the mere notion of banning smoking on the course - One golf pro in Pittsburgh thought it would be "ludicrous" and "overkill" and then posed the question: "How would you enforce it?" He has a point - rangers can't even handle the slow play problem.

Perhaps more interesting was Los Angeles County's recent ban on smoking (effective last September) at parks, beaches and golf courses (ironically, the ban does not extend to actors smoking when the script calls for it). Anyway, officials in LA cited health concerns for the ban, including that second-hand smoke leads to the deaths of 52,000 people annually. OK, I understand the second-hand smoke point when you're indoors, but the last time I checked, golf was played outside. The golf course isn't a crowded bar...if you don't want to get a whiff of your playing partner's Robusto, why are you standing downwind of him? What's next, no more campfires while camping? After all, campfire smoke contains acetaldehyde.

It seems recent smoking bans concur - There was some question whether the new ban in Michigan (which went into effect May 1, 2010) included players out on the golf course. However, review of the new law revealed the ban only "includes the clubhouses where food is served and areas around beverage and food carts on the course." So much for buying cigars from the MOFOBETE in The Great Lakes State.

But the reality is, laws are being passed that ban smoking in the great outdoors, and this includes some municipal golf courses. While the towns and counties don't seem to be enforcing said rules (including when a high-profile celeb like Michael Jordan is caught red-handed), the laws exist nonetheless, not-to-mention more are being proposed in other areas (including one in Spokane, WA last year which was defeated due to public outcry). I've previously posted about how golf and cigars seem inseparable. Was I wrong?

Take the poll and let us know...

Should More Towns Ban Smoking on Public Golf Courses?

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Do Cheaters Ever Win?

Let's say you're on the last hole. You currently stand at 84 and have never before broken 90. You're on a par-5 and launched your drive into the woods, but not OB. Out of sight of the rest of your group, you flub your next shot and it manages to bounce only a couple of feet in front of you. Now you're about to hit your third shot, you're still in the woods and you realize there's now no chance of breaking 90. Or, is there?

Sure, there's always the chance you could pull some miracle shot out from between your cheeks. But you also know that it would take a miracle just for the chance to make that miracle happen. So instead, you take a second to look around, see that no one saw your screw-up...and you hit again. Perfect! You're back out on the fairway, and as far as anyone knows, it only took you two to get there. Now, you have a realistic chance of breaking 90. But, do you really?

Without a doubt, cheating happens in golf all the time, but I have to wonder why? Take the example above. Sure, your scorecard is going to show an 89; your buddies think you broke that elusive 90. But you know the truth. You know you didn't do it. So what's the benefit really? One number on a scorecard? Is that it?

I want to say I understand in a situation like that. But I don't. I mean, did it win you a bet? Did it win you a tournament? Did it do anything significant? Or is it just something you can tell a story about...even if it is a lie? No matter what the reason, it isn't good enough.

Everyone always says that you play the game of golf against yourself. Everytime you go out there, you try to beat your best. So, by knocking strokes off of your score that shouldn't be knocked off...aren't you just cheating yourself?

Look, I'm no angel out on the course. I don't play golf 100% by the rules. I don't carry a rule book around in my pocket or in my bag. I don't study or memorize the rules either. As a matter of fact, I've never so much as looked at the rule book. I hit the ball, walk to it, hit it again. I keep doing this, more or less, until the ball is in the hole. I probably violate a rule here and there. Maybe I move a stick I'm not supposed to move. Maybe that's cheating. Whatever. The one thing I have never done, intentionally anyway, is not count a stroke. Really now, is the difference between my 102 or 101 that big a deal? What would that one stroke do for me? Especially considering I know I cheated?

There will always be cheaters, no matter the sport; no matter the reason. But I promise, I will not be one of them. How could I ever take my game seriously if I can just write on the card whatever score I feel like writing? So everyone can take it to the bank - if you're playing a round with me, you will beat me fair and square. You can count on a fair game from me.

Unless we're playing for money...

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The Gateway To A Golf Paradise

Some years ago, Stinky Golfer Greg and myself, along with two other golfing buddies, took a trip to Hilton Head Island for a golf getaway. We had a great hookup from one of my relatives who owned a condo on the island. This was the first real golf trip any of us had taken, and it was certainly one to remember.

I could get into the many details of the trip, but I can much more easily sum it up with one comment. While riding in a cart down one of the fairways of Palmetto Dunes, enjoying the beautiful views of the Atlantic, Greg turns to me and says simply..."Thank you. Seriously...thank you. This is awesome." He was right. It was awesome.

Recognize that picture? Of course you do. It's the famous Harbour Town Lighthouse at Sea Pines. We've all seen it. But have you ever had the chance to see it in person? Well thanks to a new website launched by The Golf Channel, here's your chance. If you've been there before, then here's your chance to do it again. For a great golf getaway, take a peek at http://www.hiltonheadgolf.com/.

For any golfers who haven't yet found their way to Hilton Head, my friends, you are truly missing out on a great golf experience. Now I've never been to Myrtle Beach, but as it's been described to me, Hilton Head is Myrtle Beach with better golf and without the touristy feel. I can attest to both of those points.

As for the golf, during a short trip, we managed to squeeze in two rounds of 18, one round at Palmetto Dunes and the other at Shipyard. Those two rounds being not quite enough, on the morning of our final day, we squeezed in another 9 holes at Sea Pines (home of Harbour Town) on the Ocean Course. Each round was an experience like no other. Be it the stunning ocean views, gators walking past the greens as you're putting or the beautiful, lush courses themselves...it's tough to beat the variety of courses you'll find on Hilton Head. Even if you can't make it to Harbour Town, you're sure to do fine with any of the courses The Golf Channel has featured for you here.

Let's not forget though, there's much more to a golf trip than just golf. What about food? As far as I'm concerned, food is a close second to the golf itself. Luckily, the good people at The Golf Channel have similar feelings as they've provided a dining guide on the site as well. Oh, and I can personally vouch for a number of restaurants on that list including Antonio's, The Crazy Crab and Harbourside Burgers & Brews at Sea Pines just to name a few.

Since my last visit to Hilton Head, I've always wanted to make a return trip. Now that The Golf Channel has made it so easy, I have almost no excuse. The courses, food, places to stay and even packages...it's all right there at your fingertips.

For those golfers who have yet to visit Hilton Head....you don't know what you're missing. After visiting twice (once for golf and once for relaxation...and, no...they're not the same thing), I'm still looking forward to going again. If nice weather, great golf and a laid back, relaxing environment are what you're looking for, then http://www.hiltonheadgolf.com/ is a great place to start.

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That Elusive Hole in One...and Free Steak!

Recently, I was traveling in Omaha, Nebraska on business. I had just gotten finished visiting the Omaha Steaks stand at the airport (I was buying this beef jerky they sell for dogs - no lie, my dog loves them) when my co-worker Matt asked me if I had ever gotten a hole in one.

Immediately, I told him that I had not, but then I started making excuses. I explained that I had holed a couple shots from par-3-distance (one from 125 yards and one from 200 yards). I mean, if I were on a tee box when I took those shots, I would have two aces under my belt. Heck, I should get more credit for my two shots since neither were off a tee (and we all know it's easier to hit off a tee).

Alas, I had to settle for eagle (the 125 yard-shot) and birdie (the 200-yard shot). That 200-yard birdie should have been a double-eagle, but I hit my drive OB on a short par 5 and was hitting my provisional from the fairway...typical. So no, I have never gotten a hole in one. It doesn't really bother me...but I've played a lot of golf over the last 20 years, you would think the odds are with me. Of course, I am a self proclaimed "stinky golfer" and write for a blog called "Golf Stinks" so I guess the odds are right where they ought to be.

Anyway, shortly after my visit to Omaha last month (and in a rather interesting coincidence), I received an email from Omaha Steaks. I initially thought it was a customer satisfaction survey for my dog to fill out. Instead, they explained Omaha Steaks is running a �Hole in One� promotion for the month of August through their Facebook page - If you get a hole in one, you win a FREE package of 4 Omaha Steaks Filet Mignons!

But what about if you don't get a hole in one? That's OK! Because the good folks at Omaha Steaks have secured a $20 gift card for one lucky Golf Stinks reader! All you have to do is:

1. Make sure you "like" both the Golfstinks Facebook page and the Omaha Steaks Facebook page.

and

2. Post "I Entered the Omaha Steaks Contest!" on the Golfstinks Facebook page.

That's it - we'll automatically enter you to win during a drawing on August 16th!

Good Luck!

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I Never Realized How Much I Stink at Golf Until...

...I heard the name Bobby Wyatt. I'm sure by now most of you have heard about Wyatt's 57. No, that's not a new brand of whiskey you'll find on the shelves of your local packie. It's a golf score. On 18 holes. On a regulation golf course. By a 17-year old. Under the pressure of playing in a state championship.

But for some reason, it didn't seem to get the publicity one would imagine considering its rarity. How rare is it? Well, unofficially, only three times has a lower score ever been recorded and on none of those previous occasions was the course over 6,500 yards.

How amazing is that 57 in comparison to my golf game? Let's put it this way - I came home from a round once and had my wife ask me how I did. I responded "I shot a 59." She said "I thought you were playing 18?" Even my wife, who admittedly has no clue what the scores mean, knows enough that I have no chance of EVER approaching that number on 18 holes.

But that's OK...that's not why I play. However, seeing someone shoot a round containing more birdies than I have recorded in twelve years is still quite humbling, no matter your skill level. So as if watching this kid, who is half my age, single-handedly makes my quest to one day break 90 seem pathetic and meaningless...I wondered about a couple of other golf feats that I would never approach. Here are the two that stood out most...

Holes-in-One:
I have yet to record one. I once came within about a foot on the same hole, in the same round, as one of my playing partners who came within about 3 inches. Otherwise, I've never really threatened to drop in the all-elusive ace. But Norman Manley? According to the United States Golf Register, Norman supposedly has 59 aces in his golfing career. 59!

Considering I have seen the odds of a hole-in-one range anywhere between 1 in 40,000 to 1 in 1,000,000, I really have to question the amount of truth behind that number. Is it legit? Is it a hoax? Is it an "I caught the biggest fish I've ever seen in my life but no one was there to see it" tale? I don't know. But I wouldn't be surprised if it ranks right there with crop circles and Wilt Chamberlain's extra-curricular activities.

Longest Drive:
Some years ago, Stinky Golfer Greg and I were playing in a local tournament. We came upon a "long-drive" hole and Greg asked me if I was going to give it a go. Not one to back down from a challenge, I pulled out my shiny new Big Bertha (which has since found its way to eBay), lined up my drive and let loose a bomb like I've never hit before. When I reached the ball, I believed it to be the longest drive I'd ever hit - 320 yards. I knew it was 320 because just five yards in front of me was the marker for the longest drive of the day. Close, but no cigar. This drive however, was child's play in comparison to that of a drive recorded by "Mighty" Mike Austin.

In 1974, Austin, who was already well known for his long drives, released a 515-yard missile during the U.S. National Seniors Open Championship. I understand it happened in a tournament and it's recognized as the longest drive ever in competition..., but 515? By a (at the time) 64 year old man? Using golf club technology that is 36 years old? For comparisons sake, muscle-bound men, competing in long drive championships with clubs custom built for distance in competition cannot hit that far with today's technology. As a matter of fact, the long-drive competition record is 539 - only 24 yards farther.

I'm sorry, but this one ranks right up there with Mantle's 565-foot home run. I just can't really believe that's true, and physics backs it up. Especially when I have seen juiced-up guys like Mark McGwire and Barry Bonds hammer shots that have not even approached that mark. I'm sure it was a long drive, but it wasn't 515 yards. Unless that tournament was taking place on the moon.

Whether or not these "records" hold true, they are marks that will likely never be challenged by me. Now don't get me wrong, I'll try. Anytime I come upon a par-3...I'll be looking for my first ace. Any long-drive hole that crosses my path...I'll do my best to make my mark. After all, like every other one, these records are made to be broken.

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Golfing in Hawaii is Just a Website Away

It's not often we here at Golfstinks gush over something the Golf Channel does, but for the next four Sundays, we'll be highlighting some great travel websites they've launched.


This Sunday, we're taking a peek at HawaiiGolf.com, a one-stop-shop for finding the right Hawaiian courses and resorts to make your golf trip to paradise perfect (especially for someone like me, who's never been to Hawaii before). From the easy-to-navigate homepage, you can choose your island, search for courses and book tee-times - all without leaving the desktop.

Featured courses include Ko'olau Golf Club, which is one of the most beautiful and most difficult courses in the world - no kidding, in a post I penned about slope ratings, I highlighted its crazy 152-rating (used to be 162) from the back tees!

Of course, you've got to have someplace to stay while visiting The Aloha State, and HawaiiGolf doesn't disappoint - from it's "hotel" tab, you can find great deals on some great hotels, including Sheraton, Turtle Bay and The Westin. And with the handy restaurant guide, you'll be kept well-fed in between rounds.

One of the other neat features of the site is the video center, where you'll get to see footage and outtakes from the Golf Channel's "Destination Golf: Hawaii." Not only are the video's somewhat entertaining, they can provide some cool tips while visiting.

Now I realize not everyone is going to be heading over the the tropical paradise that is Hawaii in the near future (including yours truly), but if you've been thinking about making a golfing trip there, perhaps one of the best places to start is HawaiiGolf.com.

Check back next Sunday when we'll take a look at another destination golf website.

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