The PoPo of the Golf Course

Every once in a while, my entire foursome will be off their game. Sure, typically one or two of us will pretend we're Lewis & Clark on a wilderness surveying mission, but all four? That's a bit rare. But, it happens.

One of the consequences of this anomaly is the course ranger. I penned a post last year about how starters hate me. Well, sometimes the course rangers hate me too. Who are these officers of the links, mounted on their E-Z-GO steeds?

I'm well-aware of when my group is playing wretchedly. When the four of us have been poking around the edge of the woods, searching for where we "think" our balls should have ended up, I'll glance back at the tee and see the foursome behind us. They're standing there with their legs crossed; one hand on their hip; and the other on the club (which is supporting their body weight). From that posture alone, you know you're playing too slow.

And then it happens (much to chagrin of your foursome and the satisfaction of the one behind you) - The ranger arrives on the scene. Easily identified by the little red flag fluttering atop his cart, you can feel that pit in your stomach begin to churn. That little flag conjures up the same emotions as blue and red flashing lights in your rear-view mirror, doesn't it? Except this time you're doing the exact opposite of speeding.

"Guys, here comes the ranger. Just act cool and we'll be OK."

I quickly check on the group in front of us to see if I can blame them. Crap. Those speed demons have already teed-off on the next hole. By now, the ranger is pulling up alongside us. We try and act nonchalantly - as if we weren't playing slowly at all!

"You fellas need to pick up the pace. We've got a couple groups waiting on you back there."

Sheepishly, I respond: "Yeah, sorry sir (note the use of "sir" like "officer") we'll drop a ball and move on."

Then the ranger speeds away down the cart path to wrangle-in other slow play offenders. He let us off with a warning...this time.

I have never been kicked off a golf course (if you have, please tell us about it) but had the ranger tell us to get a move on a few times. And, I've played courses where they put you on the clock (one course in particular actually handed us a card that told us exactly what time we should be at each hole based on our starting time)!

Ah, such is life on the golf course and we golfers need to be aware of this. No one likes slow play - no one. The courses want to push as many groups through as possible; and golfers don't like waiting behind a group slower than themselves. So, there's people to enforce the law of the links - and they're called the rangers.

Most of these guys are retired, but don't let that fool you - they take their jobs very, very seriously! Heed thy warning: If you think your group is playing too slow, you probably are. Speed it up before the course cops usher you out!

Posted in: cops,course,golf,golf stinks,golfstinks,popo,ranger,slow play,starter